@BlueBay
and others who care to read the post. Hopefully some feedback, that will be nice.
I'm feeling very tired. I came home a while after court and had a sleep. I felt very wiped out.
@BlueBay you asked me earlier how I felt?
I feel RELIEF today. I still have a long way to go in my recovery and re building my life.
Today though I feel relief. Relief that the fear of going to court is over. Relief that I no longer have to toss and turn with the decision of a restraining order. Relief that once she has been served, legally she is bound by the order and restricted from doing quite a few things. Relief that I no longer have to endure any further abuse. Relief that I don't have to worry anymore what she is going to do next and when. Relief that I can focus on recovery and rebuilding my life without worrying about her. She can contest the restraining order within 3 weeks after being served. I know she won't though. I have the evidence. She will not want her perceived perfect image tarnished. She won't want to be told what she did. She won't want to be embarrassed. She won't be able to deny the abuse with my evidence. She won't be able to make reasons and excuses. She won't be able to be told that it's her responsibility for her choices.
Furthermore, if once she has been served that she breaks any condition of the order, she goes straight to lock up and has to appear in front of a magistrate. Again, for the same reasons above, I am assuming she will not break the conditions of the order.
I felt I needed to write here so that it may help me process things a bit more.
PF
It was a surprising outcome at court this morning. The magistrate granted the order in less than five minutes of me taking the oath and asking me some questions. I bought the evidence with me to support the acts of violence she had commited. He didn't ask to see it. The fact is, even though a victim knows that what they are saying happened is true, even though they have the evidence to prove it, I still sat there feeling like I was lying under oath even though I knew I was not. Why? Because of the severe gaslighting and the constant denial from her about my reality. Until one has experienced it, they cannot know what that feels like.
For days now I have been feeling the tears there but I cannot cry and release them. It's like I'm blocking it, blocking myself from crying. One day they will not be able to stay inside of me anymore.
At the end of the hearing when I was getting up to leave, the magistrate was smiling at me. It was a small moment when we connected outside of why I was there. I looked at him and smiled back, the looked down and turned to leave. I think the smile on my face and when I looked down for still feeling so much sorrow and pain was something be saw. I felt seen for the first time in a long time since this all happened. His smile to me seemed to be about saying to me, thank you for coming forward about the abuse and thank you for allowing me to help you by protecting you from further abuse and harm. I actually felt cared for, like I was worth something.
The magistrate said when be was granting the order that he was satisfied from my evidence that domestic violence had been commited and that further domestic violence was possible should he not grant the order today. It felt so good that someone was acknowledging that it in fact was domestic violence, that I was being abused and that I was believed.
I have been through her minimising and denying the abuse all together the whole way through, I have had people completely invalidate my experience when talking about it, I have felt very alone many times, so to have this experience today was welcome.
A restraining order can be granted for six months, 1 year or 2 years. Today it was granted for two years.
