Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I feel really agitated and unsettled and I am trying my best to manage everything but I don’t feel good and I have tried everything I can think of and nothing is really working and it is weird I was getting frustrated with my psychologist yesterday and I have no idea why like she didn’t do anything except ask questions which is fine I just kept feeling this weird feeling and like I wanted to yell at her I didn’t of course but yeah idk. I just feel so weird and not right and I think it is my meds because I was feeling good until I had my last dose and then like a day later I felt like shit and this has happened before with the meds so it is definitely them but no one believes me when I tell them the meds make me feel shitty. 

also the other thing that is bothering me is that everything feels wrong like and looks wrong I don’t know how to explain it properly but everything just doesn’t look right and also the demon people who live in this world have been getting into my head a lot recently like they can read my mind and they put thoughts in my head that aren’t mine and also take my own thoughts out of my head and it is really frustrating and uncomfortable and I just want them to stop but they won’t stop because they are waiting for me to give them what they want and I can’t do that or I will perish and it is complicated but I am tired and they are making me tired so I can’t fight them they are doing so many things to me to weaken me so I can’t fight them and I am trying to not give in but it is hard even now they are trying to get into my head because I am not playing their game the way they want me too I am just tired of fighting so hard all the time just to stay afloat. I don’t know what to do anymore I tried playing their game but that doesn’t seem to be working anymore maybe I need to try harder to convince them idk I really don’t and what if I do all of that and it just gets worse ugh why is everything so hard. 

[AussieRecharger]

Wow @Eden1919 - That is a lot to take in.  

With all this going on and everything feeling weird, do you also feel safe? 

Are you talking about one dose of meds making you feel weird or all meds making you feel weird?

Do you think you will feel better tomorrow?

[Eden1919]

@AussieRecharger  The med I am talking about is a 2 weekly injection and I had in on Tuesday and have been feeling bad ever since I don’t think I will feel better tomorrow I think I will feel bad until the med starts to wear off. I am feeling safe enough. 

i am so tired (another side effect of this med) and I already had a 3 hour nap complete with sleep paralysis and everything (that is a joke I did have sleep paralysis but it is not fun or wanted) anyway I am still exhausted and I still feel like shit. I think I have decided I won’t have the meds anymore no more depot for me I will not be turning up for the next one no way. 

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear of the side effects of the medication. I'm sure you have raised this in the past. Does your treating team have other options for you to consider @Eden1919 ?

I recognise you do not want to have the depot. We encourage you to speak to your team about it.

[Dimity]

@Eden1919 I know you've been struggling with the depot for a long time. I also remember your struggles to cope before the community treatment order. 

I wonder if you can try to document your problems with the depot in writing? Your uni studies are evidence of your analytical and research skills - can you make this a project?

As an old-timer I still remember the horrendous problems I had with some meds. My current meds aren't perfect but they're light years ahead of the early ones. I'm thankful my psychiatrists at the time were receptive to change. 

However long it takes for the worst effects to wear off, I hope it's soon. 

Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

[Eden1919]

@tyme @Dimity  Thanks I am feeling a little better today but yeah still having a lot of side effects I have written them down and given the list to doctors but they never listen and the only other option they have for me is a med that I already tried and it gave me myocarditis and pulmonary edema and I literally could have died so I am not trying that again no way. I am still recovering from that nearly 2 years on. Also it made me really hungry so that is  also a big nope. 

[tyme]

Have you ever tried to get other opinions @Eden1919 ? I wonder if, in the future, other meds will be developed which are more suitable for you. It sounds like a rock in a hard place. I'm hearing you. 

[Eden1919]

@tyme  Yes I have seen heaps of different doctors there are just no good options to begin with. 

[tyme]

@Eden1919 , How are you today? Feeling better?

[Eden1919]

@tyme  I am feeling a little better but still having trouble with side effects. I have a busy day tomorrow so I am going to try and sleep now.