Lived Experience Forum

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I am super sleepy, but I will return to this conversation tomorrow. 

[Former-Member]

Night PR - sleep well. 😴

[TheVorticon]

The second one's appearing now 🙂
Pretty much ditto to what PR said on the breakdown.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Queenie
love your profile pic btw!
It feels almost like I'd have the same quality of life bring on DSP than working full time. Given that health costs are significantly lower once you nab that pension card. It's just frustrating. I'm well enough to work and this is wonderful and happy and good. And should be celebrated, but I feel like I'm not in any way financially moving forward.
I guess with time I'll get a higher paying job. But it makes me wonder if other chronic illnesses are this expensive too?
And maybe I should also stop looking at my lawyer/doctor friends.... as their pay-packets are insane.
Sigh, I guess it's just the way things are.
*hopes to improve health equity in her career*

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

Oh that makes a lot more sense that your therapist is around $100/session. That is so awesome that they are willing to see you at a reduced rate so that you are able to see them twice a week. I definitely don't think that makes you any more "crazy" than a lot of people here in Forum Land. It super saddens me that so many of us (I include myself here) have to make do with a level of therapy that is not sufficient for true healing to happen. I'm not sure if you were around during the saga where a psychiatrist refused to see me, saying I was "too complex"? It wasn't that she actually thought I was untreatable, but rather, she told my GP that to actually help me, she would need to see me three times a week, and given that this was impossible cost-wise, she wouldn't see me at all. Even though it was crushing, I can see that it was very ethical of her to say "no" rather than taking me on knowing she couldn't actually help me given my limited finances. I have had quite a few other therapists tell me that I really need more than weekly sessions and I imagine TTT and I will have a conversation around this at some point. Even though my sessions are currently being funded by victims services, given I can't get a guarantee that they will keep funding them, I still have a sense of needing to "ration" them, which super sucks.  Sorry, that was all a really long-winded way of saying that I'm really glad you are able to get the level of support that you need (even if at the moment it means you can't afford to move out of home). 

I can definitely relate to not wanting to ever go into a public mental health unit again. So much of my muddle is related to experiences within the system. I super wish we could change the system @Former-Member. I've never been in a private psych ward (and I've been in a public one 40+ times), but hearing about the private system here in Forum Land,I can very much hear how different it is. I super hate how everything in our society comes down to money. 

Yep, I definitely think life is too short to cut out all the little things that bring us joy, in an attempt to save money. My dad was obsessed with getting the mortgage paid off. He achieved that goal, paying it off when he was 45 years old. He then died in an accident at 49 years old, and my mum spent the rest of her life lamenting the fact that all they ever did was work. When my dad died, it was a total non event in my world because he was never at home anyway. I was seven years old. Because he died in an accident, it was a front-page news story. You know how in instances like that, they will show a photo of the person with their family to emphasise the tragic nature of the incident or something like that? Yeah, well when the media came knocking for a photo, the only one my mum had to give them was the mug-shot photo from my dad's work ID tag. There simply were no happy family photos because my dad was always working. Consequently, I definitely believe there is a balance between saving and planning for the future, and enjoying the here and now. 

I can't remember how old you are @Former-Member, but I know that there is an entire generation coming through who, like you, are wondering how the heck they will ever be able to buy a home. The only reason I was able to buy when I did was because my mum died and I inherited enough money for a decent deposit. If I hadn't been able to buy when I did, I would be completely screwed now. So...the moral to this ridiculously long-winded story is that you are definitely not doing anything wrong 5-HT. 

[Former-Member]

I am so very lucky that my therapist is prepared to see me for such a rate. In fact I've really been struggling with the idea that he isn't a real therapist and he's just a shyster trying to make a quick buck. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've really really been struggling with it. But given he is seeing me at almost half his usual rate (I pay less than $100 per session btw) I know that musn't be the case. But still I think it and get confused if it's working, or if it will ever work, and if I'm even worth all the fuss anyway. But I do often see him 3 times a week..... but that basically means all my money is spent on therapy and not much else.

My main reason for wanting to move out of home is that my parents are picking up most of my healthcare costs and I think it's reached a stage where that is untenable and I really need to start standing on my own two feet again. I'm 30-ish @Phoenix_Rising, far far far too old to be relying on mummy and daddy to pick up all my bills. 

Private is not necessarily great, tbh one of the main differences is that in the private system most people are nowhere near as sick as the pubilc, so there are much less frightning behaviours to contend with. Funnily though, I've found the level of nursing to sometimes be better in the public system than in the private. My last hospitalisation there was very little care or time spent between the nursing staff and the patients. And funnily, it's amazing how much little things like a nurse asking you how you are today and giving a shit about the answer can actually do. 

I've been thinking of dropping out of therapy because I'm not sure it's working and lots of other complicated feelings. But if I do that it's like having no hope for my future, no hope that I'll ever be normal. I've had people tell me that I'm too complex and refuse to treat me too, but that was really only two people and they were both dicks. I don't see how talking can change anything. But I also hope that it can, it's the only hope I have really. If someone who I liked and relied on told me that they wouldn't see me cause I was too complex I think I would be devestated. I can only imagine the pain you must have gone through.

I kinda view my mental illness a little like being a workaholic, I spend so much time and energy staying ontop of it and trying to appear okay, that I don't have the same ability to stop and enjoy myself. It must have sucked massively to lose your dad at such an age and in such circumstances. I hope this isn't rude, but that's why I think I have to commit to therapy somehow, cause whats the point in living if I'm not experieincing. I'm not sure that makes sense, but working on mental health is like working to stop work. 

Talking about work. I've done the sums. I will never, NEVER be able to afford my own house/retirement. It's terrifying. Knowing once I reach retirement age, I'll probably be homeless. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Maybe that's the case for me to get a full time job, stay with the p's and try and save some money.  

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member is your therapist a psychologist? If so, you can at least be sure he isn't a total shyster given the hoops psychologists have to jump through to get and maintain registration. Of course, that doesn't mean he is a GOOD psychologist (goodness knows there are a lot of bad ones out there!!!!!), but at least it means you can know he has met the requirements to be registered. 

I know a lot of psychologists charge on a sliding scale. I mentioned that the standard fee for TTT is $160. However, victims services only pay $120 (and the psychologist isn't allowed to charge any gap fee), so I know the practice where TTT works isn't totally money-hungry. I am pretty sure that if victims services stop funding, TTT will see me at a reduced rate. 

Personally, for my own situation at least, I KNOW that just talking won't change anything. That's part of why it has been so darn hard to find a therapist who is a good fit. My issues are very much attachment based. The thing I need most in the world is a secure attachment. Most therapists don't get that - they just want to do CBT and teach "coping skills." TTT definitely gets the attachment stuff. I know it isn't anything in particular that we talk about, that is going to help me - it will be the experiencing of a safe relationship that will help to heal my super scrambled brain.

Your description of the private MH system was really interesting to read. Based on some other things I've read in Forum Land, it sounds to me like some people are considered "too sick" for the private system and get booted out of a private hospital. This seems totally bizarre to me. 

I wouldn't fret too much right now about being homeless at retirement 5-HT. At 30-ish, you are very much part of a generation for whom home-ownership will be out of reach for many people. I have a feeling there will be a lot of changes in government policy etc between now and when you reach retirement age, to address what is quite a big looming social crisis. An awful lot can happen in 40-ish years 5-HT!