I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

[ArraDreaming]

@tyme @tyme 💜
I miss her and I just keep digging for anything I can find. She did her best even if her best wasn’t really enough. she didn’t often ask for help but at times she did @tyme
but she still did all she knew how even if it wasn’t much

[ArraDreaming]

we didn’t get what we needed but i don’t blame her anymore I blamed her for a long time but I have learnt that she did the best she could she knew no different @tyme
I beleive that if she had her time again she would change things if she had the capacity,she woild want things to be different, I know that she was able to she would of liked to of been the one to look after her kids, not the care system not us fending ourselves @tyme

[ArraDreaming]

she probably would have left dad sooner too if she could @tyme

[tyme]

And she may have had more supports for herself to manage her own traumas. The inter-generational trauma is so real @ArraDreaming Sometimes, it takes years and years for therapy to be able to manage trauma... yet I'm doubtful she had much support with this. She was left to fend for herself and her children. 

And it sounds like the ongoing trauma of violence at home would have culminated overtime. 

But yes, she did the best she could.

[ArraDreaming]

@tyme and all of the other stuff that happened

and it makes me so sad that for so many years I doubted her and thought that she did of all of that stuff on purpose cause she didn’t love us and spent a long time up until recently just resenting her and getting angry at her cause I didn’t understand
My heart hurts @tyme

[ArraDreaming]

I fully thought that every time they took us away she was happy about it, what parent would be happy about that (aside from my asshole dad) I can’t even imagine it, I thought all this time she was happy to see us go @tyme

[ArraDreaming]

not gonna lie we missed out on things, we went without but now that I look back I know her heart was there

sometimes I think about as a parent at night what I could of done better that day or how I can provide more or better for my family I have no doubt that if she could look back now she would probably think the same but she didnt have the capacity back then to think that way, or action it

@tyme she just did what she always did she didn’t think maybe the way I do about my family she just knew no different she was also stuck in this cycle with my dad he manipulated her and hurt us all more then I will ever be able to share @tyme
even when I have shared things they don’t half of what really happened not even welfare know

[ArraDreaming]

The only people that know is the people that saw it… including my mum Nd dad who are both dead now

[tyme]

I hear you @ArraDreaming . Sounds tough.

[ArraDreaming]

I just want answers @tyme I just want to know more