Lived Experience Forum

[Kimina]

First time posting here, I havent realy discussed my condition with many people

To explain my situation...
Iv had issues with depression for a long time, iv been back and foward to the doctor numerous times trying to get medication that works for me, to this date I haven't found anything, everything iv tried either has no effect on my depression, side effects or just makes my condition feel even worse than it already does. it gets to be a drag going back time and time again and not being able to get any results.

Im having to live with my family currently while I'm studying at uni, and my family doesn't realy understand what I'm going through, iv tried talking to them about it, what it means to have depression, but every time I try to bring up the topic, I'm either completely ignored, the conversation devolves into a screaming match where in im told I don't know what I'm talking about or I end up crying and being told I'm being childish... All results that usually leave me feeling a complete debilitating despair afterwards that I can't seem to do much for a day or so after >.<

My family seem to completely refuse to acknowledge my depression, and it's not like I want much from them just more understanding and tolerance when I'm haveing difficulties (afew less insults when I get upset would be nice too). At best they will agree that I have "stress" but to them it's accredited to university and not to any Mental health issue I have >.<

The real issue im haveing though now though is im being pressured by my family into takeing anti-stress medication that's not right for me and makes me feel significantly worse than I already do all because of the past arguments and the crying. Iv tried to explain its not a wonder cure and that sticking a pill down my throat isn't going to make everything better and that they need to be more tolerant and consider what they say and do, but iv been threatened with an ultimatum "take the pills or get out" v.v they know damn well too I have nowhere else to go at least till I have finished uni.

Wow this turned out to be a bit of a long rant...sorry all >.<

Has anyone else ever had similar problems with their family when it comes to depression and its treatment? Could I perhaps be explaining things the wrong way? Do I need to try and be a bit more tolerant towards my family? Or is it perhaps just impossible, and I should try to learn to accept I can't turn to my family for understanding on this topic? I'd realy like to get other people's fresh perspective on this situation.

Thankyou all for your time

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Kimina 

Aww Kimina, it sounds like you're doing the best you can. You  have explained (quite patiently too by the sounds of it) what you need for your recovery, but it has fallen upon deaf ears.

It can make things difficult when people feel like they know what's best for you. MI is like a physical illness, you can't pressure people to get well, and medication alone won't work. Managing stressors, and getting social support also works in tandem with getting well.

Sometimes it can help to have a health professional explain this family members. Would you, and your family members be willing to consult with your treating health professional?

While I think it's important to get support from others, such as family members, I also think it's vital to get support from the people who can give you the support you deserve. Some people in my life don't get certain aspects of who I am, so I don't seek support from them in that regard, but  I go to others who I know will understand and get me. Do you have others that you can get support from? I see that you are at uni, perhaps you can use the counselling service there.

I can't think of other's on this Forum, who have had a similar situation. But I can suggest other members who I understand have had some family conflict in the past - @kato @kenny66 @kristin @PeppiPatty do you have any suggestions for our new member, Krimina?

Krimina, I'm not sure how old you are, but you might also find checking out headspace useful. It's a service for young adults. Their website has a lot of resources for young adults experiencing issues related to mental health. It might be worth checking out.

Welcome to Forums,

CB

[kato]

@Kimina 

Hi kimina, welcome to the forums, i agree with what cherrybomb has written, it is really difficult, when family, doesn't understand what we are going through,

My family is a little different to alot of others, indervidualy we are all quite separate and private, we don't tell each other things unless it is neccessary, i refused to tell my parents when i had my first major episode 7 years ago, it wasn't until i was pressured to by my then wife that i did, and then i told them not to tell my sisters.

My recent issues, have really bought my family closer in discussing health, i am the worst affected family member, but my two sisters share anxirty traits with me and my mum, i still don't really get into talking about myself with them, but it is just how it is in my family, my parents have been fairly helpful this time round, the first one all they did was throw money at me to get help from counsellors......

this time i have been alot more open with them, they still don't understand the facets of my depression, like if i am tired they think i am majorly depressed, but when i am in really deep depression they don't see anything wrong, so it gets weird sometimes.

I have to agree with cherrybomb, my parents came to my G.P for this episode, and they got to hear a whole lot of things, that took them by surprise, about my life, and things i have done. But i had to be honest with my g.p i am glad because it has helped.

some other members might have some better help ideas, hope this has helped maybe

[kenny66]

Hi

It seems that  your are having a tough time with your family. I never got the chance to try and involve my family in my journey  with schizophrenia.

I had family abuse so its not the same as your situation, I did try and explain it to them when I was about 20 or just before.

They were scared of people with mental illness after initially not believing that anyone in the family could have a MI.

Seeing both my parents were abusive to me as a child I thought that this was a bit rich as they clearly had MI issues themselves.

My flatmate is paranoid schizophrenic and he had his mental health team speak to his parents and sister about it.

Whist it did not make them more sympathetic to his situation it did give them some realisation about what he was going through and encouraged a level of acceptance from them.

I think trying to deal with alone is difficult because so many parents have prejudice views of MI generally and are pretty well set in their views about their children, whether real or not.

[Kimina]

Thankyou everyone for your suggestions and ideas, it realy helps to know I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing.

I will definitely try out your suggestions and try to get my family to come along with me to talk to my GP

@CherryBomb
I forgot completely about counselling that's available at my university until you mentioned it, this is something I will definitely follow up. I also have a friend at uni with me who is experiencing similar problems as me. I feel she might get me but iv been hesitant to talk to her so far because Iv been worried about burdening her, but it might be beneficial to both of us if I try reaching out to her and talking about it.

Thankyou everyone for your advice and shareing your experiences

[CherryBomb]

You're most welcome @Kimina 

With your friend, you can always 'test the waters' and get a feel for how comfortable she is before reaching out. Finding the right time and place (e.g., a space that's private and quiet with no distractions, or somewhere you feel comfortable), can be helpful. In my own experience, when I have opened up to people, I've usually waited until I felt it was right. 

I hope it goes well. Let us know any updates, and of course you are always welcome to come back on here for support. We're always happy to listen and lend a (cyber) hand. 

[Me_]

Hello

I have had very similar problems with my family understanding depression and the way it effects me. If you can get them to their is a really good video on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc
It's called "I had a black dog his name was depression" it's about 4min long and helped me to show what was happening to me without having to say anything.
Also perhaps you could go through an online test with your mum there that can give you an idea of wether or not you have depression. If she sees this and the result she may be able to start accepting that you have depression and start to support you more.

Good luck I hope this helps

[SCORPION]

Hi and welcome

I have found that a lot of people just don't want to understand MI . I think that it scares them I have thought at times about wrapping my head in a bandage and when ask well its like a broken leg just not sure how much time it will be to mend.

People are so much uninformed about depression and MI of any sort we all need to be stronger than them and keep talking about ourselves . So they can get the information that we are just normal people who have an illness all we want is understanding time and sometimes just to sit quietly with us and listen without judgment. 

Look after yourself 

Scorpion

[SCORPION]

Hi and welcome

I have found that a lot of people just don't want to understand MI . I think that it scares them I have thought at times about wrapping my head in a bandage and when ask well its like a broken leg just not sure how much time it will be to mend.

People are so much uninformed about depression and MI of any sort we all need to be stronger than them and keep talking about ourselves . So they can get the information that we are just normal people who have an illness all we want is understanding time and sometimes just to sit quietly with us and listen without judgment. 

Look after yourself 

Scorpion