Lived Experience Forum

[ClockFace]

Over the past little while my GP and I have been writing and putting together an NDIS application. Now that we are getting diagnosises its all coming together. Today we went through her rough draft, she is going to tidy it up with stuff I suggested today and send it to me for final review on Saturday. 

She has put a lot of time and effort into this, which I am really thankful for. I mean she's working and she's about to go off on maternaty leave so she has her own stuff but its clear that outside our appointments she has spent heaps of time on this. Its a really honest assessment of my situation, which was pretty confronting hearing it all at once and some stuff that I wasnt really aware of. It really hit me, like this is just the stuff that NDIS would cover, its not everything and just hearing this shit made me tear up on the way home. I know my issues affect me but its like it affects me in this area and then in other areas at other times but Im not really aware of it all at the same time. It was really overwhelming hearing from someone objective how bad things are. I couldnt get past the feeling that I was essentially doing this on my own. Dad just says he doesnt know what to do and thats as far as we get. Mum doesnt believe that Im anywhere near as bad as I claim, basically that Im lying about my situation and how I feel. My sister pretends to be understanding and on my side until she talks to either parent and its a different story. With everything going on in my life mentally and physically Mum (and I think Dad) seem to be of the opinion that there is no reason for me not to be going to work. After the conversation I just had and the reiteration of how this stuff we are talking about isnt going to improve Im left wondering if its my GP's opinion that I will actually be able to return to work. Im seeing her again on Saturday and Im going to ask what the long term thoughts are about me and work in general.

[nula_ray]

It sounds like you've been going through a lot lately, both with the NDIS application and confronting some harsh realities about your situation. It's understandable that hearing an honest assessment can be overwhelming. Try to remember that it is important for your GP to document where you are at on your worst day in order to receive the supports you deserve. Unfortunately, the need for such documentation is more a reflection of the system's shortcomings than of your own capabilities.

That being said, I'm so glad you have someone like your GP who's willing to invest time and effort in advocating for you, because you deserve it.

As you prepare to discuss your future with your GP, remember that healing isn't always a linear process. Seeking this support is a positive step toward achieving your goals, including those related to work. It's also important to recognise the significance of the work you're doing now, regardless of its contribution to capitalism. Every step you take toward bettering yourself and seeking the support you need is important and meaningful.

If you can, try to be gentle with yourself throughout this process. How would you talk to a friend going through your situation?

[Xibon]

Hey @ClockFace 

Thank you immensely for sharing your experience with us.

Firstly I want to say congratulations on the big step of getting to your GP, and starting the NDIS process. It can be daunting, and diagnoses can be very stigmatizing and confronting. It's a brave thing to undertake, and I sincerely hope you're proud of yourself. It sounds as though your GP is very supportive, and really empathises, validates, and listens to your situation?

With that said, it's sad that you don't feel supported by your family. I am disheartened to hear that you feel your sister is not honest with her opinions towards you, and also that you feel there is a lack of empathy and understanding generally. That sounds heartbreaking and quite disrespectful. I am curious if you have anyone else close you feel you can trust and talk to?

If your GP is of the opinion you should return to work, how would that make you feel? Do you have short term goals or long term aspirations?

Much love and kindness, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing ❤️

[ClockFace]

@Xibon 

The only goal I had was to get back to work. I kinda felt like that was ripped away from me yesterday but I feel a bit more like its still my goal, its just going to be a longer road than I anticipitated. Im still pretty well invested in getting back to work. Its just the inbetween time, what I do with that. If I dont have a purpose, something Im working toward, a reason for being I feel pretty confident that I will drive head first into depression again. 

[Xibon]

@ClockFace 

I'm so sorry, that is so frustrating. Occupations can be so fulfilling and really give a sense of purpose. It's great to hear you still have goals in mind, and are able to acknowledge that things may take a little longer (as much as that though hurts). Be kind to yourself over this period; recovery is nonlinear, but the biggest kindness we can give ourselves is patience.

I think I know where you're coming from, it can be so demoralizing to feel stuck in limbo or as though we're not working towards something. Sometimes I place a sense of self worth on my occupations, and feel the need to be studying, working, or volunteering to feel more fulfilled. I wonder if you feel this also?

Recovery is its own journey, and you are still working towards something through this time no matter what. Please keep me updated on your thoughts and feelings ❤️