Lived Experience Forum

[Chris]

So i have only been out of hospital ten days. Since saturday i have hardly been sleeping.

I thought i heard someone knocking on the door the early hours of sunday.  I lay there petrified trying to determined  if there was someone there. Of course noone. Since then as the night draws in my anxiety goes right up. Im terefied of being left alone. The later it get, the more awake i feel and i cant stop my mind from racing, and i start to feel agitated. I see my psychiatrist  today and im scared he will sugest hospital. I've had two of the last three months in hospital having ect. My memory is shot. I know its supose to come back in time, but in the meantime every daythings are a challenge . I think I'm moving out of a depressed state and into a manic state. I hate this. I hate the way i feel and i dont see anyway out.

[Kurra]

Just concentrate on getting to your appointment with your psychiatrist today @Chris. Mania is awful and can be so damaging. Hospital is often the best place to be when feeling the way you are. I hate going to hospital but I also know that sometimes it's the only option that is going to help me.
Thinking of you 💕 🎶

[Appleblossom]

Glad to see you back posting. @Chris are you able to get outside at all - in the garden or for a walk?
It is hard when our minds are not working well. I have senior moments, make many mistakes and have scatteredness, but also try and focus on the what is to be done.

Gently breathe and hold your self in esteem.  Hope the family is going along steadily.

[Chris]

So saw my dr. he thinks i might have a thiroid problem which would be causing my symtoms so had blood done. he was very caring and compasionate. we talked at length about the email i sent him two days ago.. we also talked about him leaving and arangements for me. he said we can do teleconferencing  and theres no hurry to finish up. i can take my time in seeing someone new and get settled with them. i am seeing fhis very compasionate caring man. i feel like he really cares. im not just another patient. i feel blessed to have had him as my therapist.

[Appleblossom]

Glad you have faith in your therapist. @Chris If I remember rightly, your doctor was also known to you for decades.  

Do things that dont need a lot of memory and mental focus that give you simple pleasure, so that you have a chance to get over the ect.

[Angel80]

Hi Chris.
I am in hospital myself right now and about to commence another course of ECT. I know it's not the most pleasant thing to go through. This is not very easy to say as I am very messed up myself , but just hang in there. Rely on those around you to lift you up. Rely on us here on the forums to give you hope and encouragement. I know things may seem hopeless at times, I'm right there in it myself. All I can do and all you can do is hold everyone's hand and trust that the pain will eventually end. you are not alone.
Angel80 😇

[Chris]

I have known him for five years, and have found him to be quite different to most psychiatrist .  i dont know how many times he has thrown me a curve ball i just didnt see comming. and i would have to stop and really think about what was said. more recently i have sent him an email about things that are on my mind. it allows me to be more open and honest with him and make the most of the session. i am goingto go to my local pool on friday andget a book of tickets with the aim of going swimming three times a week building up to an hour. i noticed my roses need some attention so i will do that tomorow. hopefully i can get on a positive roll each day. thanks for you ongoing support.