Lived Experience Forum

[Whimsy]

I'm struggling. I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder and taking meds for a over a decade. Roughly 6 months ago I saw a psychiatrist who agreed that I'd been misdiagnosed and diagnosed me with ADHD, BPD and C-PTSD. He was also positive I have ASD but wanted to refer me to a colleague as it was not his area as a specialist. I am in the process of persuing this also.

It's been a lot. I feel like even though I have this diagnosis that explains things and fits me a lot better, I'm not finding myself able to emotionally regulate the way I would like to. I have therapy and workbooks and read about helpful things and I feel more like I now have an awareness of my behaviour and why I'm reacting and feeling the way I do but it leaves me with a crushing sense of shame and guilt when I don't get things right.

I am currently unable to work and feel like a burden on my partner.

He does his best to support me but I'm often left feeling like I'm just too much to deal with and that the things that are difficult for me as a neurodivergent person are causing tension and eroding our relationship.

I understand that there is so much stigma surrounding people with BPD and I know I don't make things easy for him with my behaviour. 

I feel like I have to get better quickly or I'm going to cause irreparable harm to this relationship. I really don't like myself very much and hit rock bottom late last year with very black thoughts. I have a lot of work to do and I'm finding things very hard at the moment.

I just wondered if there was anyone out there who had some advice about the journey of recovering from BPD or ways to help with neurodivergent meltdowns/shutdowns. I feel like I'm trying so hard but getting nowhere and it's really devastating.

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums, and welcome to my story @Whimsy !

I've read your post over half a dozen times and in awe at how similar parts of your story are to mine.

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and took bipolar meds for over a decade. I had BPD too, but I was always told bipolar was the 'issue'

Lo and behold, after not taking the bipolar meds on the advice from the hospital, I was told i didn't not have bipolar and my issue purely stemmed from BPD.

This was when I could finally get the support I needed. Talking therapy. Yes, I had meds to support with anxiety and depression, but the BPD itself was not about meds.

I'm in such a better place now after 18 months of mentalisation based therapy. It's been a total life saver and I can't believe what a difference it has made to my life. I am in an even better place than pre-BPD 🙂

Recovery from BPD is VERY possible.

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hi @Whimsy ,

Welcome to the SANE forums, it's lovely to have you here! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. 

Going through a misdiagnosed, late diagnosed, re-diagnosed process can bring up so many different feelings of grief, anger, frustration, validation and everything in between so know however you are feeling is totally fair.

From a neurodiverse stand point, dealing with meltdowns is such a challenging thing and is deeply unique to each person. I actually found the most useful way to find strategies was looking at neurodiverse content creators and trying some of the different ideas they would suggest. Some things that would help me are sensory toys, weighted blanket, I have a swinging chair that is very calming and also communication is the biggest thing! When I wasn't in meltdown I would talk to my partner about what I needed when I was. We created a plan that he could use to help us both get through the meltdown or shut down. There are some fantastic resources online that can be used especially if you do non-verbal in shut downs and struggle to articulate your self such as emotion/word cards or even an app that can speak for you. I know on iPhones you can write a note and get it the phone to read it out loud which can also be handy. While these were things that helped me, it might not be the same for you. I would give things a go, see if they work or not and adjust depending on what feels right for you. 

Some resources that might be worth a look into is the Lived Experience Educator. They are neurodiverse and have many wonderful resources available.