Lived Experience Forum

[hiddenite]

Hi

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

[kristin]

Dear @hiddenite 

Welcome to the forum. This is somewhere where you DO belong, and although none of us are experts (except maybe on our own lived experience) there is a wealth of care and support here and all are welcome. Thanks for your courageous openess and honesty, these are valued here. Well done for reaching out at such a terrible time. 

Trying to find help and being refused (especially told you are "too sick") is just horrendously painful. Traumatising in itself. I am so sorry for the depths of your suffering. I honestly don't believe anybody is too damaged to be helped - this is an admission of failure on the part of those who say it - not a statement about you. Particularly when you so clearly want help - this is the most vital ingredient!

I am shocked and saddened by thre trauma psychiologist's reaction - this would have been her responsibility to keep grounding you when the arousal levels got too high. Maybe she simply couldn't handle the things you have suffered and felt unable to say so? I don't know - her reaction sounds pretty off to me. 

To be honest I'm a CPTSD sufferer, and I would love to help. Unfortunately at the moment I've come home after a very long (12hour day) which included 2 therapy appointments (never again!) and I am a bit like an emotional wet rag - not much to give now. I'm sorry. When I can think straight I will try to post another response. 

In the meantime @Rick my friend if you are up to it - have you anything you can share with @hiddenite which might be of help - it's a terribly dark place to be alone. It also sounds like something you might identify with. Also @Alessandra1992 @kenny66 @kato can you help please?

Please do not despair @hiddenite , although I quite understand why you are feeling that way. (As Rick says, and it's rubbed off) even in the midst of despair - hope, amazingly, endures.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

PS please feel free to reach out here as much as you need, vent/download, say what's on your mind or in your heart. We will do our best to support you. I don't know if you would find it helpful, but sometimes it can help just to know that we are not alone in going through terrible "STUFF" - and that it is possible to get through such dark times, browse through the forum perhaps on words like trauma. There is quite a lot here, feel free to join in the conversations and be part of this community of people with STUFF, regardless of diagnosis we have that in common.

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite 

As @kristin said, no one is too damaged to benefit from help. I'm sorry to read that your psychologist stopped working you.

Did she work with you on a plan as to what to do next?

When did you last see her or anyone for help?

Here is a list of organisations that you may find useful. There is a lot of information offered on these websites, but I suspect you know a lot of what you're experiencing. However, the sites also contain some contacts and resources that may be able to assist you:

Anxiety Disorders Association Vic

Australian Centre for Post Traumatic Mental Health

Post Trauma Victoria

As you highlighted, this is preventing you live the life you want. The hardest challenge is to find treatment that is suitable and this differs from person to person. Every health care professional is different - offering different types of therapies, different personalities, different approaches to treatment - the list goes on. It takes persistence and hope, but you will find the right treatment for you.

I know there are other members who have been in the same place as you, and have now found effective treatment, so please don't give up.

I'm glad you have found us and reached out 🙂

[hiddenite]

Thank you for your kind words when I'm in such a dark place.

My gp put me in a mental health unit, where I was attacked twice by a patient, and passed out because I couldn't go to the communal wasting area and hadn't eaten in three days. I was informed after 6 days that they were unable to help me and was causing more trauma. They don't refer patients either. So I was discharged more traumatized than when I went in and safety issues worse.

I watch myself deteriorate after 6 psychiatrists and 5 psychologists not prepared to help. I am left to rot. I have fought but there is no help for me I'm not worth helping.

My parents tell me to toughen up. They are ashamed that I was in a mhu, I am just pathetic, and worthless, hopeless. Not worth the effort and wasting peoples time.

Out of options.... Tired of being judged, people are so cruel.

[NikNik]

Oh @hiddenite

That is terrible. I'm so sorry you have been through that! No one deserves to experience that.

On top of that, you've had to deal with the terrible stigma attached to mental illness.

It is exhausting seeking help and so disheartening when it doesn't work out.

I know all the other members will agree with me when I say this is a place full of caring people who don't judge and believe everyone is worth the time.

Our moderated time is about to end for tonight. So If you want to speak with someone overnight, please don't hesitate to give one of the following numbers a call;
Lifeline 13 11 14 or crisis support chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Welcome to the forums.

[Rick]

@hiddenite 

Hello Hiddenite, my name is Rick. 

I am a fruitloop and therefore harmless.

Thank you for joing us and sharing your truly disturbing story. I am very impressed that you sought to reach out after that experience.

PTSD has a good track record of treatment effectiveness. You have some comorbidity factors ( extra illnesses) which will make the journey more challenging. But hang in there. 

Seriously just hang in.

It sounds very much like your quack was using an experiential recall type therapy. From the frequency of appointments this makes sense. 

To recall and or reexperince trauma is very hard on the patient. It has in the past been considered a useful tool but recent research has brought that conclusion into doubt. 

Your therapist obviously found the consequence of your therapy too hot to handle. This is your therapists fault and responsibility NOT YOURS. 

I have Complex PTSD with comorbidity factors as well. It took me many many years in the bad old days until I stumbled over someone who would help me. 12 years later we are still working the gristle  that is my brain.

Do not give up.

I have to tell you that pstchiatrists and psychologists are just as fallible as we mere humans. The good one admit when they've made mistakes, the crap one blame their patients. So don't buy into it OK?

Now I don't know which state you are living in but I can point in the direction of a national resource service.

medicarelocal@health.gov.au

http://www.medicarelocals.gov.au/internet/medicarelocals/publishing.nsf/content/home#.VMtn_WiUdGw

Above you'll find ttheir emial address for any enquiries that are not urgent

Below that is their web site. It has a locator map on it. Just start with your state and it'll lead city and town to the office closest to you. 

Give them a hoy and explain your situation, if you can tell them about your experience recently and ask for trauma realted therapy options. And funding help if neccessary. These people are really on the ball, and very helpful, in the larger offices they have a resident psyche and they can run you through whatever referral processes have to be done.

There are people who can help you. I promise this is true. I've met some incredible people on the forum many of who have complex diagnoses and truly terrible stories of trauma and so very many of them have found support and help that is useful. 

So please @hiddenite do not give up. Do not believe the easy lie that you are untreatable. That is (excuse me for this) bollocks. None of us no matter how messed up are too hard. 

We are here for you!

Keep being brave, grab hope and hold tight 

Hope endures

Rick

[Chris]

I am really sorry to hear of your recent experiences with hospital and your psychologist. Do you have private health cover? If so you should be able to access day program's (If it has a Psychiatric ward) If not the public Psychiatric would more than likely run day programs. DBT has a component of distress tolerance. It gives you the skills to help you cope with anxiety etc.Also Act is another that can help you through those really difficult times. I suggest you google them and talk to your GP about it. Also a therapist that is trained in one or both will be really helpful. My Psychiatrist referred me to someone who is experienced in DBT, and I have to say  it has made a huge difference  I think your GP is the first call, unless you have a good psychiatrist.

If you don't have private health cover,I have accessed in the past Psychologist in community health centres.Also there may be access to psychologist through the mental health unit. Your GP should know about these.

You are not beyond help, its just that you haven't found the right person yet to help you.Hang in there. You can always come here for support, and it does make a difference.

[hiddenite]

Thank you for the response, I was very surprised.

Being in a violent, abusive relationship for 24 years since I was 17. Not having any friends and not allowed to work, isolated. I am devastated to have over 11 professionals unwilling to support me. And the mhu not being able to assist or give any suggestions.

I don't have private health insurance. I have not been supported since October. Every time I'm told that I cannot be helped reinforces what I've been told for so long.

I'm worthless, pathetic, that I deserve to be abused for not being good enough, ashamed, guilt, hopelessness, the darkness consumes me. The abuse plays over and over I cannot stop it. Then flashbacks and triggers. There just isn't any better than this.

I have fought for so long but everything tells me to let go. Its all I see. I feel too unwell now to be able to help myself. I barely function, even going to the supermarket is near impossible.

I'm being consumed with symptoms everything hitting me all at once overwhelms me.

What happens when you are too unwell to help yourself.

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite 

Are you still in this relationship now?

It is really hard and frustrating to not get the help you deserve. Please don't think of this as a reflection of you. It's a matter of trying and trying and trying. It can be exhausting, but each time one doesn't work out, it's just a step closer to finding the right one.

Some of the members provided some links - would you be able to follow those up?

Are you safe tonight? If not, please call one of the following right away. They are very helpful and supportive services:

Lifeline 13 11 14 or crisis support chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Emergency 000

I'm sure other members will also have some advice  too.

[Alessandra1992]

@hiddenite..welcome to the forums. I am sad to read of your despair, it must be really tough being in that space..
I would like to affirm you for despite all of your feelings, you are reaching out to us, here..many of us battle horrible thoughts and feelings, and sometimes it is through reading someone else's post on this Forum that we catch a glimpse of hope..that there is a way forward..
I spent nights reading all night when I didn't know how to sleep, and I couldn't switch off my mind..it was exhausting, but I did learn what kinds of books can take my mind off my own internal monologue..
Paddington Bear books turned out to be though changers for me..
What are the techniques that have worked for you in the past?
There are peer support groups all over the country..sometimes they are the place where you find reason for living..
You are not worthless.. You are pretty brave though coz you've gone through a lot of stuff to get this far..many of us refer to the crap we've been through as stuff, as we may all have different diagnoses and tried different things but what united us all is our stuff..the stuff that can play havoc with how we think or feel..take a look around the Forum, see if you find anything that hooks your attention..
Warm hug of welcome to you from us, or a handshake, gentle wave or smile of greeting.