Lived Experience Forum

[Mimm]

I am unsure of why I am trying to write this out. Maybe there is a small glimmer of hope that someone will understand or perhaps it will become clear after I have written it out. Because at the moment, I am at a complete loss with words, let alone emotions.

I know for a fact that it has been six weeks since I have started DBT, and six weeks since I SH. It hasn't been easy, with each day being a challenge. I feel like I am just holding on, I am just following the ebb and flow of each day, waiting for sleep to pass the current day into the next.

Yesterday I admitted in my DBT one on one that I have been messing around with my medication. First time ever I have admitted it. I decided to be honest about the medication, as there is no point trying treatment if I continue to hide certain factors. It wasn't until yesterday that I realised how serious my actions were. I was only fiddling with them cause I was exhausted and wanted to have a night sleep where I wasn't woken up from nightmares. But today I can't stop thinking about what could of happened.

All I can think about is how I could have really screwed up by fiddling with my meds, and how bad my destructive thoughts are today. I don't want to act on them but part of me is whispering telling me perhaps it's going to make you better. But I keep telling myself it won't. I tried reaching out to some people who I guess I could call them friends. But no one hasn't gotten back to me since i tried contacting them since yesterday. Which just adds to the emotional ball I have currently....

[Kurra]

You're fighting those thoughts @Mimm and this is good. Just keep on going the way you are. Use some of your mindfulness techniques and anything else that helps to distract you.
Medication wise just stick to the exact amounts that have been prescribed. If you need assistance with sleep it's best if you see your GP to discuss this.
Being honest about everything with your professionals will help you and them to find the best possible dosage and combination of meds for good control of your condition.
Hugzzz 💕 🎶

[Appleblossom]

It is a huge that you have been able to move forward and attend DBT and leave some problem behaviours behind. That is not easy to do.  Trust with your mh workers will come gradually, but I think being clear and honest is best and the best way to get the most relevant help.

From what I have read about DBT it takes commitment, time and work but is WORTH it.

YOU @Mimmare worth it.

[Mimm]

@Kurra and @Appleblossom,
Thanks for your responses. It has helped a little. I don't regret being honest, I know I did the right thing for myself and my recovery. I just hate how I feel currently, it's the whole three steps forward, two steps backwards. At least I know that thanks to you guys reiterating it, that I am doing the right thing no matter how I feel.

[whitedog]

I like the way you say it adds to the "emotional ball" you're carrying. It must take quite a bit to live with that.