1... 2... 3...BPD and counting

[LovelyBones88]

@Ru-bee, thanks for checking in... I am in alot of stress right now coz of Police Assault Charge... I do hope that the matter either gets a good outcome or adjournment than getting the bad/worst outcome...

I am doing a bit better than yesterday, I am trying to make time with my family and I know that if I consistently see them my mood might be boosted up as this is my top value that I live by, Family time and seeing my sister's kids.

I have taken a few meds that night that's probably why I kinda feeling better coz I feel that my meds needs to be reviewed as well so I'm doing my best to get that done soon... ,🤞

I am looking forward to attending the Webinar about BPD, I just couldn't RSVP for that event...

[Ru-bee]

Hi @LovelyBones88 

I'm very glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better this morning, though I hear how stressful this time is for you. It's great that you're thinking of ways to take extra care of yourself during this period, such as being around family and getting your medication reviewed.

Have you tried using this link to register for the webinar? Please feel free to reach out if you have any issues joining it tonight

[LovelyBones88]

I hate how I wake up and feeling okay, not the bestest I'd want to be feeling, but then when sun comes down I feel that my mood becomes getting to go down, the thoughts and voices becomes unbearable that I HAVE to take my normal meds early plus any extra meds just to avoid problems and having these thoughts and voices consume me and end up caving on the thought and urges to SH and/or end my life through suicide... 

I don't know what else to do, all I know is that whatever I'm doing has its risks [edited by moderator]

Does anyone have any other ideas as to how to navigate these things.?

[rav3n]

Hey there @LovelyBones88 I'm really sorry to hear how tough its been for you, especially during the evening/nights. I have heard that sunlight plays a big factor on our moods (it increases the brain's release of 'serotonin' aka mood boosting/calming hormone!) - have you brought this up with your psych/gp before? i would definitely encourage you to speak to them about your mood changes, hopefully they can provide you an alternate medication that doesn't give you the dangerously drowsy effect! 

i can see how scary those thoughts and voices are for you, and i really wish i had the power to take them away from you so you didn't have to experience them. do you have anyone to talk to about this?

24/7 services such as Lifeline and SCBS are available so please do reach out to them (via phone or webchat) anytime!!
Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ 
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ 
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

We've also got SANE Support Line (not a crisis line) - they're available Mon-Fri 10am-8pm by calling 1800 187 263.

I don't have personal experience with BPD but from my experience with anxiety and depression, some things that help me navigate those heavy thoughts and feelings would be journaling (writing down triggers, identifying why i feel a certain way, labelling my emotions, etc), talking to my psych, spending as much time as i can outside in that sunlight (even if its just reading in my backyard), listening to calming music or guided meditations, going for walks, etc. i've also made little changes like not drinking caffeinated drinks first thing in the morning, only after a meal (caffeine can spike cortisol levels and keep them high sometimes). Working on actively reframing my thoughts (which then helps reframe my feelings) has been helpful too - speaking positively about yourself can feel uncomfortable sometimes, but practicing it helps (even if you don't believe what you're saying, keep saying it!!)

Do you have any strategies that have worked for you? We can brainstorm some now as well if the ones I've suggested aren't what you're looking for. Please know that we care about you so much and I'm really glad you've reached out looking for a safer strategy, definitely don't want to risk an overdose at all. You're not alone, here for you 💙

[LovelyBones88]

Hey everyone!

I just got sent home after hoping that I was cleared to go back to work (mental health reasons) but I wasn't so I'm stuck here at home til that happens which is going to have a tough time coping... Multiple ideas, thoughts, and urges that aren't helpful and I'm doing my best to not cave in... The nagging voices are awfully loud and very annoying, even the TV isn't quieting it down... Don't know what to do... [edited by moderator] I'm at a standstill right now...

[tyme]

Hey @LovelyBones88 ,

Sorry to hear things are hard right now. 

It's important you reach out to people who can support you at this time. 

Maybe talking to someone on the above phone lines may help to distract you?

Just a quick note that we've had to remove the self-harm method you mentioned above as per guidelines.

Please know you are not alone. I have BPD and know first hand what you are experiencing. Yet I want to encourage you that there is hope. 

I'm around if you want a chat.

[LovelyBones88]

Sorry I wasn't obviously not thinking properly when I posted that... So sorry bout it...

I'd love to have a chat with you @tyme  about things, that'll be very helpful right now.

[tyme]

Sure thing! I'd love to! How long have you had BPD for? @LovelyBones88 I was diagnosed in early 20s, but symptoms emerged from my late teens.

Do you have anything planned for the weekend ahead?

I'm in Melb, and it's supposedly going to be warm and sunny, so I'm looking forward to doing some tidying and cleaning. (Boring!)

[LovelyBones88]

I was diagnosed with BPD, Anxiety and Depression on Late 2018 (Anxiety and Depression )then late 2019 (BPD)... I've battled this for many years and still really haven't found the right help and support during those years... I do feel that having NDIS has been beneficial in finding that help but I will still have those episode every now and again and I'm aware and have accepted that that'll be the way my life would be... Constantly on this rollercoaster ride... I'm in Sydney so the hustle and bustle of the city sometimes contributes to how my mental health is... Too many stress and little motivation are my triggers oh and sirens... I hate whenever I hear them coz I always feel like panicked and anxiety comes up then that leads to these nasty thoughts and urges... 

About this weekend, I'm off work and so I will be visiting dad on Sunday... So that's good... I just need to get there which currently is really hard to get me there... 

I need to know what else would work to get me there and even further.. @tyme 

[tyme]

Hey @LovelyBones88 ,

Thanks for sharing. 

I hear you don't think the NDIS is helping. At the same time, I'm glad you have access to it because many people can't get NDIS with BPD etc (unless there are other co-morbidities). I put in an access request years ago when things were really tough for me, but it got rejected. 

Can you access support workers through your NDIS?

Have you heard for Project Air in Sydney? It through Wollongong Uni, but they have online DBT Groups for those with BPD. They are run by a facilitator and they have peer workers there too.

I know you mentioned NDIS is not sufficient. What supports DO you have at the moment?

Look forward to hearing from you!