Hi @Bubbles3,
I am feeling happy and content on my anti-psychotic medication. It will be 10 years this October '17, and I've not been admitted to hospital for a good 10 years since 2007. So this is a personal milestone.
I also have been discharged by the Govt. Community psychiatrist in 2010, 7 years ago as in remission of paranoid schizophrenia. But there are times like recently where through lack of sleep or abusive texts from my mother that I have caused me to be unwell.
It is a bit confusing, as I've had a myriad of diagnoses from ptsd to intially a typical psychosis and not enough symptoms to warrant the diagnosis of schizophrenia to more recently paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis, but 2 psychologists say i don't suffer from paranoia or delusions and no psychosis, so it is somewhat confusing. The psychiatrist described my illness as mild schizophrenia without all the symptoms. My mother whom my psychologist diagnosed with munchausen by proxy had lied and embellished my symptoms when talking to my psychiatrist when she was my carer, as she wanted my diagnosis not to be a-typical psychosis but paranoid schizophrenia as she was fighting me for custody of my daughter. So I'm confused about what the diagnosis should be really. How can it be paranoid schizophrenia if I'm not paranoid lol.
My mother induced my illness by verbally abusing me for years. It was then that I heard the tape of her verbal abuse after my brother dies. The psychologist thinks it is ptsd like a soldier who hears the colnel's voice and shells going off from the trauma of war. The psychologist said i don't suffer from an hallucination but voices of my mother. She said I used my father's terms to describe my illness incorrectly to the psychiatrist as Dad is more ill and has more symptoms.
Anyway it is so confusing but my family have been gaslighting me and it's a very abusive tactic to pick on someone with a mental illness and use words to put me down because I have an illness.
Just feeling confused at the moment. I did hear my mother';s voice today because I did not get much sleep, having headaches and suffering from high blood sugars as a side effect of anti psychotic, that not many suffer from btw.
Anyway i wonder if i will ever know why my mother abused me and what to call my illness lol. The problem is that paranoid schizophrenia seems to have a really bad name and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with my diagnosis, especially as initially I was diagnosed with a typical psychosis and not enough symptoms to warrant the diagnosis of schizophrenia lol.
It has been hard to accept my new diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia and psychologists disagree with it too. My mother was really scheming and litigating me and verbally abusing me so I know I'm not paranoid. Also my mother was really abusing me with words so i know i'm not delusional about her words as she would have others like my psychiatrist believe.
Anyway I guess I should pray about my diagnosis haha
Any words to comfort me would be much appreciated lol. Much love to all. God bless you all and have a good day.
Having a sence of humour does help me lol but sometimes i can get quite pensive lol
