Coming to terms with reality

[Former-Member]

wow @eudemonism

you have written a very  good article about human vs animal....

have you ever read the book animal farm?....written way before your time....it is a great example of humans....animals....society....greed....materialism etc...

You have had a very difficult time and have every right to feel angry....hurt.....frustrated.....despondent...

For me I have a huge trouble expressing anger....I am dealing with that in my therapy now...

I have learnt that it is very important not to bury or ignore my feelings when they arise.....far better to try and work out exactly what my feelings are  ....then ....letting them pass....I know that they cannot hurt me they are

nonon of us know what the future holds for us..

if we continue to work hard on learning about ourselves..learning how to accept the parts of ourselves that we do not like. That yes they happened..yes they are very painful...we do not have to let them ruin more of our life...we can strive to move through each day learning to be at peace with ourselves...

finding something each day that lets us smile...allows us to forget our fears and enjoy the world as it is...the wonders of nature...the animals...birds...insects...so fascinating to observe how busy and active they are...distraction..mindfulness as you have said..

focussing on now...not what has gone...or what is to come..just now..

this is what I am doing...I am working very hard at not allowing others to affect how I feel about myself from their snide comments...and in turn how I react...it is they who have the problem..

lovely that two of the kittens have homes..

give mister and purr purr and remaining kittens a hug from me..

I have mentioned you to my two cats..

take care.  Talk soon...

tellthose negative thoughts that you have heard them too often now..they can go away....thank the positive thoughts...work to not let them control you...work towards you controlling them

sleep well🌙⭐️

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

U like the word snide. I may have to search for it. In my dictionary. I hope it was not me.

Eude

Good night. Sleep well. And sweet dreams. Listen to the spirits you want too hear. ❤

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

Snide is not the type of response that I like in the lest.

I find it cowardly and not a ice way to respond to someone...

she is the lady married to our friend with cancer..I understand that she is under unbearable pressure and have been letting comments just go over our heads..this has been going on for over 6 years now..

I have offered to help behind the bar but am not putting up anymore with her putting me down..

 Yes time for sleep

night night and sweet dreams

stay safe take care speak tomorrow

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member sorry I'm tired. Need sleep also. Am beginning to make mistakes.

Eude xo 💙

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Good morning. I hope you are feeling well today. As for me. It is a case of back to the drawing board. And feeling very unwell. Too say the least. I will not go into explaining my feelings. About my circumstances. As there is nothing that can really be done about the causes behind them. Plus. You have probably already given me your opinon about this. Which is right, logical and rational.

My phone is causing me great stress. I turn too connecting with people through my phone. And it really does give me brain a good work out. And basically. Burn me out and fatigue me. Not an ideal scenario. So many times i have called the call centre. Messaged people in an attempt to help. Messages to the radio station. The forum. Social media. It is a very degrading and demoralizing loop i am stuck in. I have been through a few phone based relationships. They have been great support and both have gotten good things from the friendship. It is just not what i would call ideal.

I kind of do it too myself. Bye getting caught up in consumerism. Fixate myself on problems of this world. (Instead of worrying about mental peace) my inability to make wise and concise decisions. Thinking that things around me on the Internet are a set up to help me out. Because people pity me and my miserable life. Trying to set myself up.

There is a 2006 ford xt mark 2 with 189.000km on the Internet. Good condition. Asking price 3.000.00 reduced from 3.995.00 so i start desiring it. (Dreaming ) And become fixative about acquiring it. Lusting and desiring too obtain and make it mine. Counting my pennies. But not wanting to sacrifice the other stuff i had planned to buy. Hahaha. Is this making sense? And essentially it is window shopping consumerism. The man who is selling the car is moving interstate. And probably keen to sell. Could offer him 2.000.00 and run with it. See if it works.

Got other stuff that will need money. Desexing purrpurr. Vaccinating mister. New shoes. Clothes. I already have a good car! But just wanna upgrade. Want something different. More newer. More reliable. More modern. I know what happens with cars. They need money spent on them.

I currently got a 1994 nc ford fairlane ghia auto 4.0i ohc. Should be doing this on car forum. Lol. It's only got 150.000 on the clock and I've put around 3.500.00 into maintaining it over past 3 years. And I'd be lucky to get 1.000.00 if i sold it.

So 😟

Decisions decisions decisions.

Eude

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

I do not know a great deal about cars....

I do know that the less mileage on older cars is a good sign...

also is their a record of regular servicing of the car is another thing to look for..

need to check if has been in an accident....

sadly cars are not investments as much as we would like them to be...

the minute you buy a car...it goes down in value when you drive it away...

if there is nothing wrong with yours and you have invested money...it certainly has low mileage which is a good sign...

you are probably thinking that you wished you hadn't brought the subject up laugh...

I write with passion...from my heart....I think that when read by another this is not apparent perhaps and possibly might come across as being a bit of a knowall to some..

I am actually not like that in the least...

all I can do is be myself and offer help from my heart...

talking to you and you responding back helps me tremendously...as you have mentioned the same

I feel slight relief from my heartache for my older son who is no longer able to converse with me..

I feel that if I can help you by listening.to you...letting you know that you are a valued human being ..attempting to answer some of your questions....I am helping someone in need of being heard...who also has this illness...you are a person with a kind heart...

a little like pay it forward....have you seen that film? based on a true story apparently..a brilliant concept...enabling those of us who have empathy to help others and keep the compassion moving on to others....what are your thoughts?

hope that you get through your symptoms from your injection with a little less difficulty as your body adjusts....knowing that when you come out the other side...you have positive things in your life to look forward to...

take care

mo

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Thanks for the reply i been anticipating too hear from you since last message of yours was sent. I will apologize for my pedantic messages. It is caused bye going in and out of bouts of anxiety. Something i need to work on. And usually revolved around me. I'd like to support others more and be leaned on more then leaning. Be selfless.

Yes. Your older son? I have thought about this many times and wondered how he is psychically and mentally doing. How he is coping with his illness. And what the quality of his life is like. I am aware that mental illness can get quite severe and cause homelessness. Addiction. Social issues. Unemployment. Poor health. Risk of getting caught in the judicial system. Among other things. How long since you have spoken with him? And how well was he managing? (In a mothers / friends opinon )? Did he have the basics and essentials? Food. Water. Shelter. Warmth. Social life. Hygiene??? Sorry about the questions. I hope it doesn't trigger any negative emotions i just ask because i want a picture of where he is at and how he is managing. Because i am concerned. I care. And know there is varying degrees of how unwell someone can become.

It is not good too see friends. Loved ones or family suffering from mental illness. It's not good regarded. But there is always hope of recovery.

Yes i am aware of pay it forward. Like a karma thing. Give what you get. Get what you give. God judging you as you judge others. Being good too the universe. And the universe being good too you. I volunteered in a pay it forward opshop a few years back. It was great. Took some getting used too.

I havea few friends who are suffering from mental illness. Medicated. Caught in the system. Not doing so well. And they get bye. But i wouldn't call their lives great. They have to be strong and resilient. They have to do it on their own. Everybody deserves support. But the extra stuff has to comes from within. They are all good people. And for 98% of the time they just do their own thing. Smoke. Drink. Socialize take meds. Support one another. Sleep. Laze around. Get checked on bye the support worker. Catch up with family. Eat. Shower. Music. Dream. And so on. Walk around get from a too b. My point being a diagnosis does define somebody. Mental health issues don't mean people cannot live in harmony with their illnesses.

Can you tell me more about your son based on a reflection of this message?

Eude 😐

[Former-Member]

Hello @eudemonism

lovely to see that you are relating to others on different threads ...

younger people..finding connections...

also you are being there for others..

see.. I knew..I told you that I believe in you..

my older son diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a year ago..second time detained....very clever at hiding his illness..was told this later by psychiatry dept

he fled states after Cto expired..reported as missing person..three times spoken with police..passed as OK.. Told them having holiday away from parents.

I eventually tracked him..his dad (my ex-husband) sent money continually..I set a limit and boundaries..

contact increased ..he started to feel safe talking to me...kept contact up 3-4months...his paranoia started to become more obvious....it has now in last three months continually worsened...the messages he sends sometimes re his fears for safety and what might happen to him and us are horrific...

then nothing..then urgent need of money Immediately as though expecting it to be in his bank acc within seconds..

tonight more warnings about radiation and govt depts that I must ring.

he no longer talks to me..if I ring his phone it is on aeroplane mode..

I fear that his symptoms are lasting longer or occurring more frequently...this is what the psychiatrist at the hospital had told me would happen.I had requested a second opinion and was told back then that he was seriously ill...

he is under no medical supervision...nor is he taking any medication..

He has had his possessions stolen several times..

He is very kind hearted but now totally paranoid...

he possibly might be detained soon...as last time I spoke to him he had been refused accommodation at 8 hostels...I spoke to the mgr and arranged once money recd he would have a place to stay...he at that stage was still paying rent for another place in another state..

the problem is that once released he probably will not continue with medication

Don't want to think past today..

I am sure that your mum would have been worried about you...

I am weary..talk soon

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

I have decided to stop taking medication due too the deterioration of health it is causing me.

Eude.

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

The system has only ever seen me as three things. Unwell and needing help. Medicated, managed and reliant on the system and its workers. Or desperately and in vein trying to jump through all the hoops and be seen as a normal person and too live the life i was given (that is mine to do as i please with ). What option ensures that i am dependant on the system and its workers? And controlled? And they stand to make the most money out of? And benefits them the most? They got no backbones these people.

Eude.