Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

https://steve-king.ca/Shock.htm

[eudemonism]

Good morning @Former-Member it's raining here today so i don't think I'll be doing much at all. Maybe go to second hand shop fora look. Tv. Internet. Coffee. Smokes. Food. Stay at home all day.

I get my depot injection tomorrow morning. So that will knock me around for a couple weeks or so. The cycle will begin again.

Am heartbroken that my life has turned out like this. Such immense suffering. Such immense torment. With no cure or relief in sight.

I don't have a great deal of options other then getting through each day as best i can. And trying to function as best i can

I think acceptance of what's going on is important. Acceptance and being mindful. Urge surfing and making good decisions.

Eude

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism good morning

it is cooler here today so I am going to try and get a walk in soon...

I can well imagine that your feelings would be overwhelming and lead you sometimes to feeling that you have had an extremely difficult life....

As you said you...you are much better at recognising these deep emotions and thoughts...accepting that they are a part of you....at the same time making a plan  for each day....

I think that this is the best way to start...

I am doing the same....today's plan is go out for a walk....I also have to ring my mum who is in a nursing home....anything else that I do will just fall into place as it wants..

main thing is that I make today's plan achievable....

I am relieved to hear that you do have psychiatrist and psychologist report as well as your doctor and mental health worker...

I also agree that you do not want to go over and over your past trauma.....express how you feel to your psychiatrist about this.....this is how you feel now ....perhaps you might want to just talk about the things that you have mentioned to me...the battle in your head at times between the positive and negative..

out of all of these support people....who do you relate to the most....who do you feel most comfortable with...who do you trust the most and feel that you can talk about your needs with?

You mentioned no cure or relief in sight.....perhaps not from intrusive thoughts at present..

..how you are learning to accept that they are there...then moving forward and putting your small plan into action is part of your working towards relief from all of this...

does that make sense?

do you like gardening?    creating a little nook in your garden...where it is private and you can sit and write....being outside with nature is calming....or perhaps you can find a quiet place near the sea....I think you mentioned once sitting on a bench?

doing this for ourselves .....gives us the time to be out in the world and feel momentarily that we are at one with the world and nature....weightless from issues that we have....just to have a break from ourselves does us wonders...

I have cut back on coffee....I drink it black and love good coffee...however I do believe now that it was increasing my anxiety.....I now drink herbal teas....my husband drinks normal tea...he hates herbal tea..

chamomile tea I think is helping to calm me down during the day....I do not feel as agitated...

I met a young man at one of my husband's sports clubs....I have started meeting some people there on a week morning and we have lunch together...

this young man is so very friendly and laughs quite often...he has a large dog whom he walks every day...he takes the dog down the main streets of the town and stops and talks to everyone including the shop people...the elderly people love him and the dog...he loves the dog and the elderly people....

he brings so much joy to others and they in return give him so much joy....such a simple action that mean the world to some people

take care....talk soon eude

ps saw in a previous post that you were thinking of changing your name....I have been thinking of doing the same ...I need to put some thought into which name though...

cheers

[eudemonism]

I'll look into my dictionary top see if i can come up with a good word which can be your forum world front and id.

@Former-Member I've placed a clothes order from a big retail clothes shop. 4 blue jeans and 2 black. Just my size. Would of like 3 of each but they had none in stock. Harris Scharfe. Tried to get 3 of each short sleeved tops. But they only had one in my size. So I'll ring them back tomorrow or the next day. Or next week. Until I've gotten all the clothing i need. A good way to spend money? I have 500 to spend on a Sumner wardrobe and 500 for winter wardrobe. I wanted to leave them with 500 credit so i can make another phone order in winter. But they dont do the credit thing. So I've got six pairs of jeans on the way. Bullhead. 4 blue. 2 black.

Thinking about going to purchase 6 pairs of Explorer socks. And some spare jocks. From what i can telli can manage and maintain current weight and size. Only have target and Kmart around town. And i don't like their range. Its coming into summer now. So only summer clothes are in.

Also thinking. New vacuume cleaner. New micro wave. Have fridge / freezer on the way. And nice sized deep freeze. Perishables do exactly that.

Then. There a nice vs ute which has had money spent on it. I like the older vehicles. Built better.

Also wanting nice cup of tea table meaning kitchen / dining table and chairs. Plus storage cupboard / pantry cupboard for preserves and non perishables.

Size 46 jeans loose. Size 42 jeans rather tight. So ordered size 44.

Phew. Hectic times.

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

wow.....great that you have ordered some new clothes....

great self-care plan..

you will feel great wearing them as well...

your larger electrical or furniture purchases....remember sales will come up in january....

also sometimes we can get carried away and think that we need so many things...

yes this is going to sound like a mother son talk....virtual mum remember....

always have money in savings....

treat yourself to one thing on the list...

if your car needs work....new tyres....registration....etc etc...have some on standby or as you say a second hand one that is reliable and good value might work out better than paying for repairs on the one you have..

you  have done very well today......enjoy those thoughts....definitely something to look forward to...when they arrive..

if you are anything like me....I have to try everything on straight away....just like a child...

oh well I always say that I am never going to grow up no matter how old I am....

out tonight so will not be on later this evening...unsure about tomorrow morning...should be on here tomorrow night though..

did you get out for a walk? I didn't...I have a cross trainer machine that I use....I did that whilst music blaring away...felt so much better after exercise....seratonin released...

take care speak soon

mohill...yes still thinking about a new name let me know if you have any ideas? I have one in mind but hmm unsure....a big thing really isn't it...this is how people think of us....

cheers

[eudemonism]

Hello @Former-Member The money i am dealing with is all loaned money. So once I've spent it wisely. (Key word wisely ) it will be a case of pay off and do again. I know it is probably not the most smartest thing to do. But it ain't the dumbest either...... 😊

I will take everything you have said into consideration. And i thank you for looking out for me. As the good virtual mum you are. ☺

My self talk analogy about the world's pollution problem is... it all came from the earth and it will all go back into the earth...

I'm preying and meditating about good things for myself and others. And this may be self centered. But i apply this quote in reply. The best way i can look after the people in my life. Is too look after myself and put myself first and only worry about me. And if this rubs off on. My companions. In life we'll all be doing fine. (?) I'm not sure how that sounds from an outsiders prospective... can you reflect on this for me?

The exercise machine sounds great. For a moment i was imagining you on the exercise size machine. With the music going and have a great time. Is that how the story went? When you mentioned endorphins getting released it gave me some inspiration and hope and an idea of getting into some exercise myself. (Again ) Are there any other forms or types of exercises you enjoy? ~consider definition of exercise is "any bodily movement " i love exercising. The floor mats. The yoga mat. The dumbells. The row machine. Clean and jerk bar. The bike. Stars jumps. Burpies. Push ups. Sit ups. There is hundreds of different exercise movements you can do on a good floor mat. Also boxing bags i enjoy them. And a jog or a run. Its all hard work though. But results are results 😀

If im being positive and optimistic. Using faith. Taking action. Displaying strength. AND lots of other good qualities. And mentally and physically healthy and well. Others will see this. Because it is hard work to achieve. And people respect that type of thing. Assertiveness. Discernment. Diligence. Being a mentor and roll model. Having good self esteem. And so on..... 😤 if i can do it. They will want to follow in suite and in sequence.

Here is an example. Come January i can buy 2 or 3 pairs of good walking shoes. And I'll be right to go for 4 or 5 years. I bought a microwave and vacuume cleaner today. Impulsively. But some of the stuff I'm wanting won't change in price regardless of January or not. I'm good with most things i do.

Have a goodnight out. Until next time. 😁

Virtual son...

[eudemonism]

Good morning @Former-Member today is inject day. And I'm telling you right now. I ain't really happy about being stuck on this medication. I ain't real happy about what it's doing to my body and mind. You know. The changes it's creating for me. The problems it's giving me. It's not good!

I'm not who i would normally be.

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

I hate injections too...

I can understand you having such mixed feelings about the symptoms that you have to endure after each dosage that you have monthly...it would be so hard as you say you feel that you are not who you normally would be....

you know that the symptoms will come...the mind battle...

you also know now that does pass....you do get through each month...hold onto that thought

you are better this month than you were a couple of months ago...

if you could perhaps try not to fight the negative stuff...just say in response.... yes yes yes...then with the positive thoughts ...perhaps thank you..

if you can look at the new things that you have bought for yourself when you start to get negative thoughts....

these new purchases are positive change in your life...steps forward in improving your life ongoing...

part of your self-care plan

I believe in you @eudemonism

you have shown great strength....ride out what you can...then at the end of the experience....emerge ready to enjoy the new positives in your life..

exercise are stretching ...some floor stuff....I also love walking ...swimming....

the exercises and fitness performance that you described sounds like gym work....I used to go to the gym many years ago when lived nearer the city...too much cost...when can do so much else that is free.

one thing that I want to look into is tai chi....have wanted to do this for years....depression...trauma stuff held me back....on my list to do...

give mister and purrpurr a pat from me..

I will keep writing to you.....you respond when you feel up to it...no pressure

virtual mum

ps.... I did smile when I saw that you had written virtual son

take care stay safe and talk soon

[eudemonism]

☺ hello @Former-Member that is a very nice and well written message. It is very comforting and supportive to read. And i can feel very good energy coming from the words. Its a very pleasant feeling to read through. 😊

Yes i will give purrpurr and mister a patt for you. A few times now I've been patting mister. And thinking this is a good owner and pet bonding session. But we gets a wee bit excited about it. So i tell him off.

2 off the kittens. Just went to knew homes.

Have to make changes to social media post. Will be back shortly.

[eudemonism]

Back again @Former-Member yea. In today's world alot of communicating with people is done through smart phones. Tablets. Computers. Messaging. Texting. Phone calls and so on. It's taken away the element and importance and what is needed to be face to face with people. Because it can be a very stressful and anxiety provoking experience. Basically, too do well and function well. A certain level of people and social skills is needed. Its also created a whole new type of anxiety for people to deal with.

Being apart of a pack that functions well and gets along. Supports each other. Loves one another. Works together. Looks after one another. Is hugely important for health and wellbeing. Happiness. Joy. Learning social skills. Learning how to deal with life and problems. Learning to deal with emotions. Thoughts. Learning to be responsible for our actions. It takes years to get it right.

In the animal kingdom. It is a tough place. And a prime example of how it works. Because truth be known. We are more or less like animals. (Possibly even more vicious ) and that's all I'll say. It happens with humans. But perhaps more in a psychological way. It also has it's physical elements.

Apparently. Genes and resources and what animals are looking for in a mate. So two animals or people who are from the same group will rival up against one another to aquire it for themselves. (A mate ) Cause reproduction. (PROCREATION ) IS NEEDED FOR A MEANINGFUL EXISTENCE. !its the driving force behind lots of behavioural patterns. And in all honesty. I think, forces of oppression in society use it against us. (PEOPLE ) The working man. The tax payer. The wife. The kids. The home. The good job. THE DREAM LIFE. A woman makes a man happy i got told. And i been without a woman for along time. This fact started developing in my family dynamics. And in all honesty has possibly hugely contributed to reasons behind why. I've become a patient of the mental health system. (Maturity and development )

Another male whom i posed a threat too. Would possibly turn too dirty tactics. Too not loose his dominance and his status. And what it gives him. -the ego and confidence to work. The partner. The testosterone boosts. (The power and the happines ) and what does medication do too me? It eliminates me posing a threat to anybody.

Can you imagine how frustrating this is for me? To be stuck in this situation? To have no other option? Forcedto live this way? Not bye choice. But bye a complete picture of societies social dynamics. And personal family and friendship dynamics?

Not a happy camper. Not good stigma to be suffering from.

Eude

Gotta go to best stop and get parcel. Take care. Until next time.