Lived Experience Forum

[jai]

hi im new here and i think i have BPD things have gotten worse last few years to point were i no something not right and so do the ones close to me to after reading up on BPD there was not a sign or a symptom i don’t feel or relate to was quite scary as i have been so lost and confused the last few years to why i am the way i am would like to hear from others that have BPD as i am going through the process now for diagnosis

[esprit]

Hi. I haven't got BPD but I can empathise with the start of your journey towards self discovery. I'm not sure if labels help. As you deconstruct your behaviours try to understand the difference between you and the illness. Sometimes it is the illness sometimes it's just a human reaction to things. I wish you all the best and glad you have joined this wonderfully supportive group on this forum. Best wishes

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @jai

welcome to the forums!

i am glad to hear that you are going through the process for diagnosis as I am assuming that this also means that you will be directed toward help at the end of the process?

there are many people on here who share that diagnosis (assuming it is accurate) I wonder if anyone has any reflections on what it was / is like for them during the initial stages? or advice about how to manage possible obstacles? @tinnx  @BlueBay  @jist0508 @BillambaI also found this thread about how to tell loved ones and dealing with BPD here

[younglawyer]

the label can be frightening when looking at it on google or without having a professional to explain it to you. I have BPD. I am now 26 and was diagnosed at 18. However I am certain I was born with BPD but its best practice to refuse to diagnose personality disorders until they age of 18 where the personality has "finished" developing... whatever that means :/. My BPD was so bad at 18 that without help I would not have lived for more than 6 months. I started Dialectical Behavioural Therapy which changed my life. It was ann intense experience and frequently distressing but it has resulted in me having much better coping mechanisms. I use to slip into a state of dissociation and self harm without even realising it. I came close to killing myself a few times without even meaning to. I didn't know what I had done until the after math when people explained it to me. Now I seldom self harm (haven't for 12 months) and when I do I am fully aware of what I am doing and it is not as severe. Definitely find a DBT practitioner it is the best way forward after you have got a BPD diagnosis.

[Former-Member]

I don't know about all this. In my 2s durivg a major depressive episode & 4months in hospital, i was diagnosed with BPD (depression, anxiety, dissociation, emotionap liability, terrible pain from slightest hint of rejection, SH, SI...) but I hate being labelled. I didn't want to believe it. I did learn some coping strategies and was warned that stress could relapse me. It wasn't 'till a couple of decades later when my youngest died at 13 and I couldn't contain it anymore, all the destructive behaviours came back and I spent 6wks in hospital, 4yrs on the edge. I was coming to terms with BPD finality when my current psychologist and my DR both separately tell me bpd is an unhelpful stigmatised diagnosis and they have changed my records to say cPTSD (from a traumatic unfavourable childhood) & cGrief. This sits better with me and gives me hope. Sorry if I've thrown a spanner in the bpd works but this is my story. Guess "many roads lead to Rome"

[BlueBay]

Hi @jai

I was diagnosed with BPD along with depression, anxiety, ptsd and childhood sexual abuse almost 7 yrs ago, when I was in my forties.

To me i had never heard of BPD, so I googled it and boy was I scared.

Like @Former-Member I don't like the label and sometimes I tell people it's an "emotional regulation disorder" because I can't regulate my emotions.

DBT (dialetical behaviour therapy) is a type of therapy that helps people with BPD to learn distractions skills, distress tolerance among other things.  It is a long term commitment therapy.  I did do this for one year, it was quite costly and i had to travel an hour each week.  In the end i did learn some new things but my therapist stopped working there so i had no one else to do the therapy.  Hence now I am still struggling. It's not easy to put into practice what you learn from a book and a therapist.  

I wish you all the best, keep chatting on here. It's a great forum.:)

@Former-Member (Hugs and love to you my friend) I just read your post and i felt really sad for you.  

[Former-Member]

Thanks @BlueBay, are you sad girl ? missed her didn't know

[esprit]

Hi all. I don't think labels help either. We are just bruised souls that need some nurturing. There are a lot of nasty compassionless people out there just living there lives with no consequences. Don't be ashamed of being human if you have a good heart. Xx

[BlueBay]

Yes @Former-Member I was "sadgirl". Decided to change it a while ago. Don't know why I still feel "sad".

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay is a much better, much more positive name, its OK to be sad. I was just chatting to @LonelyExistance, who lost a baby girl (was it you that lost twin babies? I get things mixed up here sorry), maybe you might connect a bit. Thanks for telling me youre former SG, gosh I'm slow on the uptake lol
Hugz to you xox