Hi @BlueBay
I haven't been in the forum much but I have been thinking about the trouble you have making decisions
I had to make a tough decision when I came home from my week in hospital in July - I knew I wasn't well emough and one of the nurses offered me a day or two more but I knew this wasn't good either - I cried - feeling really terrible and the social worker came to see me and thought going home would be better but it was up to me - so I got dressed and left asap
And I did feel ill at home - the medication I was taking was making me feel spaced out and I stopped that after talking to my specialist in a Telehealth call - and I was right to come home - so in spite of feeling really off-colour I was able to get better - but it was hard to come home too
I think the main reason was the hospital didn't have full cream milk at all - it's strange how a small thing can help make up our mind sometimes -
Still - for you and decisions - once you have made a decision and acted on it then - that's that - whatever the outcome mostly that's done and wondering if it was right or not must be what's called over-thinking and that's not good. If you need to go to hospital for a rest then okay - well done - but you're not going to recover there - this is going to take time - and you already know that
And recovery is up to you in the long run - you say it's too hard to see a new psychologist but I know it's sometimes necessary - and I think for you - you feel you need to go on telling people about your abuse - and I seem to remember that the psychologist you are talking about now is the one who did exposure therapy and that was not at all good for you.
Personally I think you are at a cross-roads right now - you had to leave your dietician and your psychologist because you weren't getting any better apparently - well to me it's obvious - you need to get better - and you want to get better - so the question is - how to get better
You are letting your past destroy you - it is taking every joy in your life away from you - and holding onto the past can do that - and I want better for you and really hope you can accept it happened and move on. Time you spend with your therapists needs to be time spent coping with the present because that is challenging enough at the best of times and harder right now
I feel I can't help you much either - except tell you the truth as I see it and that is not always easy - but I think you already know what I will right anyway. I could say it's sometimes hard to keep breathing anyway - add a mask all the time and - yes - it's harder
But I am still here reading what you write and I care a whole lot -
Dec
