Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I am currently feeling like I am being constantly challenged by things happening in my life and I am struggling to stay up.  i feel like i am going to crash big time soon.  Thank god i am seeing my psych on tuesday, I cannot wait any longer.

Family issues (wrote under carers MIL in hospital) has caused so much anxiety.  So many mixed emotions. I broke down at work today and left at lunch time.  I wanted to speak to someone but I couldn't get hold of anyone (my support people).  I did leave a message for my therapist to call me which he did a few hours later.

I know having a mental illness and BPD has an affect on my emotoins so much.  I can't think straight, I panic a lot, i worry a lot, and stress and everything to me seems a catastrophe.  

I am crying now because I feel like i am in a rut of so much mess.  we have to find a nursing home for MIL she won't be coming back home to us; but she doesn't know yet. And telling her is going to be hard. i just hope that the doctors can explain that she needs to for her own safety.

i hate my depression and BPD, it sucks big time.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @BlueBay

I read up on your other thread, and from what you wrote, it seems that your response to the current events are completely reasonable. As NikNik mentioned, 20 years is a long time. To have your MIL live elsewhere is a big change. That's a lot to process in itself, yet alone feelings of grief, and feeling guilty for also wanting your own life (which is totally understandable).

Supernova provided some great advice, getting basics - do things hour by hour, and ensure you eat well and rest. Be kind to you, and nurture you. 

If you can, think about the emotions like a wave, they swell, and build up, but they needed crash on top of you. Yes, they will peak to a place of discomfort but please know that they will break and wash away. The emotions will feel uncomfortable, but they will pass. Sadness is not necessarilty bad. It's an emotion that lets us know when something was signicant.

What are you up tonight @BlueBay? I'm just about to start Friday Feast, if you just want to hang out with others on here, you're more than welcome to attend. 

You might also want to connect with @jist0508 and @tinnx. They both have BPD an have written about dealing with emotions here. Also @Former-Member, @Ali585 and @Daisy have written about dealing with intense emotions here. I wonder if they can offer some advice here.

CherryBomb

[lola]

Hi Sadgirl, Just read CherryBomb's great response to your thread....I particularly liked her description of emotions as a wave and that sadness is an emotion that lets us know when something was significant. Hope you are able to ride our the wave andd were able to take up some of her suggestions, regards lola

[BlueBay]

Hi @lola @CherryBomb

Today is another day.  I am feeling flat with no enthusiasm to do anything.  So much housework to do, cleaning up but no motivation.

I was thinking before that I have a voucher for a massage from last year that I need to use - so I was thinking I may have a massage done this afternoon as I can feel my back very tight, I think from being so emotinal.

A friend of mine called me last night to go over for a drink as she was home alone, so I did.  I think i needed a drink and a chat which was nice.

I know i have so much to do this next week in regards to mother in law but my husband has been great, supportive of the whole situation and looking for aged care.

i will keep you updated, thank you guys for yesterday's comments, I really appreciate your support.

Riding out the emotions - I've heard that before from a psychologist.  Trouble is it is very difficult when in a situation that is so itnense and you think you can't ride it through.  But I guess I did ride it through.

all i can do at the moment - is push through all this emotion, worrying, stressful time.

I cannot wait to see my psych on Tuesday morning.  

Thanks again for listening and supporting me.

[Ali585]

Hi @BlueBay

Why is it that things always seem to come together? I can recall so many times for me where there were things i felt I probably could have coped with if it had all happened one thing at a time. 

I've also heard the thing about riding emotions before. I can see the truth in it. But its hard to see when you're in the middle of it all. And sometimes its a LONG time before emotions pass. but it is useful to try and remember that they will pass eventually

For me journalling is how i deal with overwhelming emotions. I can "get it out" on paper. And I enjoy getting creative and using coloured paper etc. Or going for a walk. Interestingly I notice when I'm feeling overwhelmed I really don't feel like doing these things (because "it's too much effort" "i have too much else to do" "im too tired") but if I make myself do them they still help

One of the things I learnt last year when I was really unwell was around self talk to do with emotions. I had massive expectations for myself around what I "SHOULD" be feeling and really beat myself up when I was feeling something "wrong" . Learning to accept what I'm feeling instead of arguing with it has been difficult (I still find myself judging them everyday) but it has helped. That's not saying don't try to address the causes of why you're stressed though 🙂 The centre for clinical interventions have a great module for this online called "facing your feelings" which might be worth having a look at (discuss it with your psych and therapist first probably)

hope that helps

[BlueBay]

Hi @Ali585

Great reply!!

I have tried journalling before and I end up getting caught up with my emotions so much in the writing that I end up worse.  I do enjoy walking with the dog down the beach and sometimes I do colour in.

You're so right with riding out our emotions. It is hard and it can take a while before the emotions ride through.

I am always hard on myself, expectations of what I should or should not be doing.  

I will have a look at the module you suggested to look at, thank you

[Former-Member]

I'm having a slump atm but want you 5o know i feel for you & carry the same burden of depression, anxiety & BPD. Its hard to not overreact to things. Just do the best you can, breath deep & press on.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

I am sorry to read that you are struggling tonight.  I totally get it, i understand what it's like to have all the struggles with depression, anxiety and BPD.  I haven't been that great the past few weeks but there some times when I was okay.  I just try to get through day by day. I hope you can get through tonight and bit by bit you will be okay.

I do feel for you.  Take care,