Lived Experience Forum

[ARG21]

I've suffered with depression for about 9 years or so.
Im new here so i hope its ok to post.
Before i was born my father left because he didnt want me. When i was 5 my mother left and lived wwith her partner and his family leaving my siblings and i alone though she provided everthing except her presence and guidance. I was sexual abused by my older sibling and no one seemed to care so it was a burden i kept to myself. Into teenage years and my first love who left me for my best friend, then years diwn the track i had a child almost married and then i was left again for my best friend, just recently i finally started to let someone in and i was just told that they want to be with a relative of mine.
I used to frequently see a psychologist after constant self harm and she helped me so much i thought everything would finally be ok. But when i told her about the sexual abuse i suffered as a child by my sibling i was no longer allowed to see her as she knew my sibling and it became a conflict of interest.
I have this constant feeling that im suppose to be alone, that when i seek help or comfort some "higher power", "god" i dont even know just someone is determined i cant be happy and i cant confide in people. And that i have to deal with this on my own because everyone i let in will only abandon me..
How do i move past this

[Sahara]

Hi @ARG21,

I can relate to feeling lonely and abandoned... I hope you are ok. Please do not think badly of your former psychologist who helped you a lot. She really did have to stop seeing you for professional reasons... there is nothing she could have done differently.

Did she refer you on to someone who could help you? If not, please see your G.P. and get a referral to a new psychologist. I think it's important that you keep going to therapy. Already you have made a lot of progress, which is so good and so encouraging.

I had some major issues with my own Mum and I also experienced a string of failed relationships... which now I see as being a direct result of my not having unconditional support and love while growing up. I had nothing on which to model a healthy relationship. I have even struggled with having female friends, as I lack trust and find emotional intimacy very frightening. I usually withdraw and feel I need to hide to protect myself.

@ARG21, I feel there is a lot of hope for you, as you have the strength to keep trying. The fact that you have reached out here on Sane forums shows that you have the ability to connect with others.

I do not believe that anyone is destined to be alone forever. Everyone deseves love and support in life. Everyone. 

Because I kept trying and wouldn't give up, I went on the meet my now husband when I was 40 years of age! I'm so glad that I kept trying. 

Don't give up on yourself, @ARG21. Keep searching and keep seeking out support. Find a psychologist who you can trust and explore stratagies for meeting new people. You can do it. 

[ARG21]

@Sahara
Thanks for your response.
I dont hold any hard feelings against my psychologist i know there was nothing she could do about it. She tried to refer me onto someone else but i have previous experience with 3 other psychologist in one case for example i was told just after javing a baby that if i wasnt having sex with partner at thr time he had the right to go somewhere else as he has needs that i should be meeting. I have serve trust issues and find it hard to confide in anyone including psycologist. It took me 4 years before i opened up with my previous one. I just gave up on seeking help. I worry alot if i fpund a new one to talk to that something would happen if i opened up and i would no longer be able to see them. I have a constant fear that no one will be around for the long term.

[Pebbles]

Hi @ARG21 

Welcome to Sane forums 🙂

Thank you for showing us your courage and stregth to keep taking the steps on the path of your journey.

It really is admirable. 

I hope you find support and connections here on the forums, it's filled with many big hearts. 

Your post shows me that you have just taken another step in the direction of connection and reaching out to try and not feel alone. Thank you for that.

Thinking of you,

Pebbles 🙂

@Sahara Thank you for your repsonse so welcoming, supportive and insighful  

[Sahara]

Hi @ARG21,

some psychologists are better than others. There are many members here on Sane who have had negative experiences with psychologists... and have gone on to leave those psychologists and even put in formal complaints agianst them. 

That fact that you were able to see that something was quite off with your former therapist - saying that your partner had the right to leave you because you were not offering sex - is a good indication of where you are at... you have the ability to identify someone who is giving you very bad advice. Well done, @ARG21. You are perceptive and intelligent.

I am very lucky that I have always had good experiences with therapists... and I have seen about 6 of them! I had to keep seeking out new ones, as I kept moving towns.

I think your psychologist who helped you a lot would have referred you to someone good. This is usually what happens... a good, competent professional has a keen understanding of other professionals who are also very good at what they do. 

I too, have this fear that I will end up being abandoned. But, you know what? Even though it is very, very difficult and lonely to be alone, it is much better than being in bad company. Even when you are alone and lonely, you still have yourself and your inner strength and the ability to judge good from bad. You can always move forward. You can always seek out good people to help you, even if it is scary and it takes some time. 

If you see a new therapist, then you don't have to reveal everything at once. You can just talk about every day things that happen to you and get a feeling to see if that person is a good match for you. i really hope that you do go ahead with the referral that you have. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @ARG21

Welcome to the forums 🙂

Sounds like you have been through a lot and there are lots of people here on the forums who will understand the feeling of being alone and abandoned. 

Its disappointing that you lost your last psychologist, who it sounds like you connected with well after a long time of building trust. I've only worked with one psychologist but had a few counselor type people before that who were very different. but moving on from them when they left was really hard. 

I'm glad you've connected on here and been able to share your story and i hope that you find support here. If you're up to it, there are some social threads where people just chat about anything in the 'enjoying time with others' areas of the forum. 

take care

[utopia]

@ARG21. I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences with a few psychologists. Some of them were way off - saying those things to you. Not only were they unprofessional - they were wrong.
I think it would be good if you coukd find a new therapist to talk about - issues relating to people leaving you. Ask your gp to recommend someone. Explain about your fear of being abandoned. And ask the gp to refer you to someone with experience in this area of therapy.
When you start working through therapy again, you'll start learning that there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing in you that makes people leave. Unfortunately it's just that they aren't the staying type. And I think you may choose men who aren't stayers either.
But through therapy you will work out the type of man you want and the type who will stay.
I know it's hard at the moment. But things will improve.

[Justme62]

Hey ARD21 Im new here to. I no expert but a little thing i heard ages ago was people and things come into your life for a reason , a season, or a lifetime. It is up to us to decide I don't know why it made things clearer for my brain. But it did. Another thing Iv clinged to is ...I am a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars. And i have the right to be here...