Probably, the feeling that hurts a mentally (or psychologically) ill person the most is the stigma and misunderstanding that he/she gets from people around him/her. Instead of support, empathy and understanding, all he/she gets are accusations of being lazy, not religious enough, too religious, and/or guilty of some sort.
This impression about mentally ill persons is common in all cultures, and among people from all kinds of backgrounds. It is based on layers of ignorance, misconception and fear of the unknown. These layers have accumulated through centuries and generations.
To clarify, let's start by imagining that you are sitting at a nice cafe enjoying a refreshing drink. Three people pass in front of you. Each one of them is limping. However, what you don't know is that they are limping because of totally different conditions. The first one was stung by a bee, and he should be okay within a few minutes. The second one had a serious injury, but she should be okay within a few weeks, provided she takes her medication on time. However, the third one has a permanent disability. Although they all appear to have a similar condition, this is totally untrue.
You might think of asking the first one to forget about his problem and walk normally. You might think to ask the second one to do the same thing. However, it would be naive to ask the third person to forget about his problem, and live normally, e.g. apply for jobs that require a high level of fitness.
Now, let's imagine meeting three sad people. The first one is unhappy because she lost her mobile phone. The second one is sad because he has just lost his wife. However, the third person is depressed because she has clinical, chronic depression. As soon as the first one buys a new phone or finds the lost one, she will forget about it. The second one might be unhappy for a few months. However, eventually he will be able to move on and live normally. He will, probably, be sad whenever he remembers his late wife, but this won't stop him from living and enjoying his life and being productive.
The third person is ill with depression. Like any other illness, some kinds of depression can be treated, while others present as a mystery to health professionals. It might be appropriate to ask the first and second people to forget about their problems. However, it would be absurd and naive to ask the third person to live a normal life and pretend that she is okay; exactly as it is nonsensical to ask a physically handicapped person to walk normally and forget that his/her legs cannot move.
Some people think that intelligence, love, positive thinking and/or spirituality can save someone from being mentally ill, or cure her if she gets mentally ill. This is far from reality. Yes, there are some mental health issues, which could be treated with spirituality, love and positive thinking, like there are physical illnesses, which can be treated using physiotherapy. However, there are many cases, which are permanent mental or physical problems.
I think one of the problems which contributes to this confusion, is related to the labelling of psychological illnesses. It sounds very logical to treat "psychological" issues with positive thinking, spirituality and/or exercise. Yes, it is true that a large number of psychological issues can be managed using these methods. However, there are many conditions which are caused by biological defects in some brain functions, and have little or nothing to do with spirituality, positive thinking or exercise.
To complicate things even further, there are some conditions which are miraculously cured for unknown reasons. However, I am sure you agree with me that it is more productive for a handicapped person to focus on finding ways to cope and live with his disability than to keep chasing unproven methods. This does not mean that someone should give up and stop trying new treatment methods when they are discovered. Rather, the main focus and energy should be devoted to coping with the existing limitations, instead of hunting ghosts.
It is quite astonishing that there are people who still consider mentally ill persons guilty and blame them for their illnesses and accuse them of not doing enough to help themselves.
I have been suffering alone from depression for more than 20 years without anyone around me noticing it. Medication was working. It fixed whatever was wrong with my brain's chemistry. Around 2 years ago, my condition deteriorated rapidly. Medication stopped working. I tried ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy), in which electrical shocks are delivered through my brain while being under general anaesthesia. This did not work, either. I quit work and became a completely useless citizen. Instead of making hundreds of dollars a day and paying a lot of tax, I am expected to survive on hundreds of dollars a fortnight, which I take from your taxes - through Centrelink. This is probably the only case, in which you ever feel bad for moving from paying a high tax percentage to paying no tax at all. Quite often, I feel that people like me should be all killed. We are not productive; we are not enjoying our lives; we are a burden to people around us, and to taxpayers. I am not suicidal right now, though. You don't need to ask me to call the Helpline.
I found that many mental health practitioners suggest to patients that they talk to family and friends about their problems and be open about it. Family and friends are expected to provide support and empathy. However, what I (and many other patients) were surprised to get was naive advice. I am sure all of the advice I received was sincere, loving and genuinely meant to help. However, unfortunately, it achieved nothing but the opposite. That advice made me feel guilty and helpless because I couldn't follow any of it.
Sadly, irrational and unjustified guilt is a common symptom of depression. The reaction I received from people around me to my condition fuelled my self-anger. Each time I received the advice to go out, exercise or try meditation, I felt angry towards myself. My mind lacks the ability to benefit from any of these activities. I tried them all. Nothing worked.
Everyone insists that I should do these activities, while I cannot, and when I do them (with a huge effort to push myself), nothing changes. They don't work for me. So, I conclude that there must be something wrong with me. This makes me feel more guilty and useless. I hate myself more and want to hurt myself.
I hope I was able, so far, to demonstrate that clinical chronic depression is not a temporary condition, which can be treated by spirituality, exercise and/or positive thinking.
So, what is Depression? Let me first ask you if you have ever thought of how frogs, deer, fish or colour-blind people see the colours, which you see everyday. Does blue, red or green look the same to these creatures? What you take for granted and consider as real is interpreted by my mind in a totally different way. Research proves that the level of brain plasticity, which is its ability to change, adapt and respond to different situations, is different in a depressed person to a normal person.
Your healthy brain finds joy in different situations and good reasons to be happy, to achieve more, and to enjoy life. My "ill" mind, however, cannot see it that way. Just as a colour-blind person cannot see some colours or see colours differently to how you see them; my mind does not interpret situations the way your mind interprets them!
You judge me because you think I have a similar mind to yours. I might look normal to you. I might even look very intelligent and might have superior skills than some people. However, some parts of my brain are defective. They don't work like yours do. You can consider me a frog, a colour-blind person, or a person with some neurological defect, which cannot be observed by the naked eye. My brain does not understand love and happiness. It does not process happiness hormones.
What makes it worse is that most of the time I don't remember or realise that I am different. So, I don't remember that I need to ignore your irrelevant advice in order to avoid letting it affect me negatively. I end up feeling guilty for being impaired, for not doing enough and for failing to follow your advice. I feel lazy and like scum. Then, I feel that I should be punished. I want to hurt myself and become suicidal.
Someone once said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Another thing that you are probably wondering is why I refuse to go out or join you in some activity when you ask me to. I am sure you find it difficult, sometimes, to start an activity. I need a million times the effort, which you need, to start doing something. Moreover, it is extremely hard for me to enjoy anything, including a nice meal.
Interestingly enough, I love it when you call me, ask me to visit you, or offer to come and visit me. However, I cannot accept your offer each time. I have relatively good days, bad days and very bad days. On the very bad days, I find it difficult to even answer your phone call. Despite that, I am very thankful and appreciative of your concern. However, I am so depressed, because of my brain's biological impairment, that I find it very hard to talk to you or anybody else for that matter. On those days, the whole world looks so different. There is no way a normal person could imagine how the world looks through my eyes.
After such a detailed, fundamental description of Depression and my feelings, you might be wondering how a mentally ill person can come up with such details; or you might be thinking this person is actually childish and immature, rather than ill.
I cannot blame you for such a conclusion. Interestingly enough, a depressed person can be very successful in some field(s), despite his/her mental illness; as if a part of his brain is defective, because of which he cannot taste happiness; but another part of his brain is superior. More surprisingly, he can be knowledgeable and successful at coaching people and helping them succeed in their lives, while he fails to apply that to his own life.
It might sound like hypocrisy. This might actually be true in some way. A mentally ill person might act as a hypocrite. After all, her mind is messed up! According to the media, the famous comedian Robin Williams committed suicide, because of his depression. He was able to make millions of people smile, while he was suffering alone (I think.)
I am hoping that this article would help to eliminate the stigma associated with mental illness; the stigma felt by patients and their families and friends. I cannot describe how devastated I was when a relative of mine told me that they wished I didn't tell them about my mental illness. Then, he/she asked me to not mention it to anybody he/she knows. To avoid shaming this person and others, I won't tell you who he/she is to me.
Furthermore, I won't use my full name to sign this article.
I hope this article helps in clarifying that mental illness is not caused by lack of spirituality, exercise or negative thinking. It is basically a biological brain defect, which needs medical treatment, just like any other illness.
I cannot leave you without acknowledging my wife for her continuous, unconditional support. She is the only one who did nothing, other than listening. Yes, that's right. All I need from you is No advice and No suggestions on how to treat my mental illness. I would really appreciate it if you just listen and don't judge.
DISCLAIMER:
In this article, I tried to describe my condition. I believe that whatever I said above applies to chronically mentally ill patients. If you have any psychological issues, please make sure you consult your GP (General Practitioner), a psychiatrist or a psychologist as soon as possible. Most psychological issues can be managed if diagnosed early enough. Moreover, do not hesitate to try all treatment methods, e.g. spirituality, meditation, positive thinking, exercise and medication. They are very effective in most cases.
Written by BHA on 16/09/2016 at Sydney, Australia
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