Lived Experience Forum

[Rosalieann]

He is the first man I have ever whole heartedly loved and it scares me so much because I'm afraid it won't last it it will go sour. He struggles to deal with my mental illness and reacts in a more angry way when trying to help me. I know he cares and loves me but when I asked if he'd move states with me he said he couldn't and wouldn't though I feel id be prepared to go anywhere for him. At the earlier stages of our relationship he said one day he wanted to move to this new state with me now it's all different and he has completely changed his mind. Do I stay with him or leave? It just hurts I'd sacrifice everything for him but he wouldn't for me. I'd be heartbroken if things ended though

[Wisewomen]

Maybe he needs to have some education about your illness and have a look at this site. You need to be honest with yourself and him about how you feel.  Open communication is the key and you may need to ask why he doesn't want to move interstate with you anymore. If moving interstate is important to you, you can move and still have a relationship based on your strong feelings. If he's mr right it will work out. They say absence makes the heart grow stronger. Sometimes you have to make a decision with your head and not your heart. But only you will know what to do. 

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Rosalieann,

"torn" sounds like the perfect way to describe your feelings, but I am wondering if it is torn down the middle or more to one side or the other? 

is moving interstate your deam because of lifestlye/work/friends or better for your mental health happiness/treatment options etc? my question is (putting the question of your partner aside) how important is this too you? if you stay here in what way will it impact you?

then, it seems like it feels to you like your partners refusal to go is a reflection on you and the strenght of your relationship, is that true? or does he have reasons for wanting to stay that are justifiable? and perhaps based on things that he also values ie family/work/friends...

sometimes although we have the same top 5 values we dont prioritise them the same way....? 

just at thought...

what do others think?

[Rosalieann]

@Fancy_Pants
I feel as if I'm on the wrong path and that it's possible my environment is a contributing factor. My sister and nephew live in the state, so that's a big factor as to why I want to move but also I feel I'd enjoy the lifestyle there better. I have no idea what I want to do as a career so I don't know where would be better. I do have a few great friends here and would find it difficult making new friends in a new state. I just feel lost. I feel like if I stay I'll never know what the change had to offer me.
He doesn't want to leave according to him because he has a big support network here, he is close to his family and has many friends. He still lives at home and I feel he often says a lot of things but doesn't do them like travelling and moving out in general.
I often feel our values don't align, it's just so difficult when so many emotions are involved. I fear losing him and I fear not living my life by not taking chances either