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04-06-2020 05:43 AM
04-06-2020 05:43 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Anything in particular that meant yesterday wasn't the best for you?
How's your today looking?
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04-06-2020 05:45 AM
04-06-2020 05:45 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@Maggie @CheerBear a third for me CheerBear!:o! 🙂 Hap-pea Thursday to everyone @Maggie @CheerBear @Former-Member @eth @Faith-and-Hope . Cannot see pic either atm Maggie.xx
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04-06-2020 05:56 AM
04-06-2020 05:56 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear I was wondering if a crash had happened yesterday for you.
Tired, with house stuff building up is super hard. I’m guessing sleep isn’t happening either. Listening if you would like to talk. 💜💞💜🌈🌈🌈
Mine is also tiredness, beyond tiredness really. Plus the internal unrest has grown in numbers. I’m getting so much wrong it’s discouraging and hard to keep going there. Counsellor sees it differently. They are confident enough now to share indifference, losing fear of being rejected, ignored or punished. So a twisted kind of breakthrough, that doesn’t feel like a breakthrough, more like a breakdown.
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04-06-2020 05:58 AM
04-06-2020 05:58 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
You’ve been up a while then @greenpea , coffee number 3 already. ☕️☕️☕️
A very hap-pea Thursday to you also. 💚💚💚💚💚
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04-06-2020 06:03 AM
04-06-2020 06:03 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
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04-06-2020 06:05 AM
04-06-2020 06:05 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@Maggie yes I have been up since 2am :o! and been for my early morning walk which was lovely. Not so cold this morning there was a nice light warm breeze.I hope you have a beautiful day Maggie xxx
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04-06-2020 06:07 AM
04-06-2020 06:07 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear Hi CheerBear yes have been on walk with neighbour. She is moving today but we will keep doing our early morning walks as she is going to drive over lol. Have a great day my friend CheerBearxx:)
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04-06-2020 06:09 AM
04-06-2020 06:09 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@Maggie Spike Milligans message brought a Big smile to my face:D thank you Maggie xxx
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04-06-2020 06:35 AM
04-06-2020 06:35 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
This is two parts as ⬇️ is long and might be tricky. I am sorry if it is.
In the afternoon Middle was triggered by needing to miss out on something at school because they can't have a visible online presence. They lost it. We spent a couple of hours having deep and meaningful chat about it which I think helped, but far out it's hard. They had pieces missing from when we left our old life that they were too young to have filled in at the time. Some was filled in last night. It's one of the trickiest thing I deal with with them I think. Knowing how much to say and when, reassuring them it wasn't their fault, letting them be angry at me, holding space for their huge pain without sinking in the big-ness.
One of the pieces was about when we left. I'd been working with the police for a couple of days and I was shattered, living in a whirlpool of trauma and absolutely terrified. The police and family violence service told me to think about needing to go into crisis accommodation and I resisted it until I couldn't cope anymore. Once I said OK it happened so, so fast. I didn't know how long we'd be away, where we were going, what it would be like, what was happening... The crew were with our people and on my way to pick them up I stopped past our beautiful, once safe home, threw as much in the car for the crew that I could and picked up the furballs to be looked after. It was getting quite late at night and I didn't know what to tell them. I didn't want to scare them so I said we were going on a holiday. I had no idea that we wouldn't be allowed to go home again, that they'd never be going to their school again or sleeping in our house again. A few days later I told them it wasn't a holiday but it's a lie that Middle hasn't been able to understand and has been angry, really angry and understandably so, at me for since. They bring it up often. If we have talks about lying and the importance of telling the truth, Middle brings up " that time you told us we were going on a holiday". It's super painful. I get it and they have every right to be angry but I know things that just can't. Pieces that I hope they never have filled in.
Our chat helped them and they got out some huge feelings. We had popcorn and maltesers and fun after it and they went to bed feeling OK. I had messed up, tangled up nightmares and am feeling raw this morning.
:pile_of_poo: that was a big vent. I hope it is OK that I shared that. No need to reply.
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04-06-2020 06:37 AM
04-06-2020 06:37 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
I guess in a way your inside crew kind of might have some similarities with Miss Middle. Tricky behaviours and words that are seeking pieces of a puzzle. Perhaps which on the surface might seem hard to understand but underneath is really more to do with exploring and expressing it all with someone safe. I could be wrong there though.
Either way, it sounds seriously tough and unsettling to be experiencing that. I can see how that might feel like breakdown not break through. Huge, huge love 😔❤