Seeing new psych tomorrow

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @BlueBay

How are you? Please firgive me if I'm wrong but I'm thinking that a whole lot of stuff is coming up because you feel properly heard??

Jeepers creepers, This is what I felt when I joined Sane Forums. 

[Drac0]

I'm guessing you already know inside @BlueBay that self-harm isn't a solution but a symptom? You get the physical scars & maybe a bit of time in hospital but the emotional scars you leave on your husband and kida will always run much deeper.

Please don't go there, not just for you but those who DO care for you. Is it really worth hurting them to try and do nothing more than prove a point? If it is seriously getting to that situation then call Lifeline, 000 or go straight to the hospital yourself. None of us want to see you reach that point. I don't even want to think about it getting there.

I can't really say much against hiding yourself away, but don't just run away. Probably not the best solution but one I can certainly understand having been doing it myself for so long.

Maybe tomorrow, instead of using it just as a day to hide & recover, make it something special - a pamper yourself day. Sleep late, have a lazy brunch. Put on some relaxing music. Run yourself a deep, hot bubble bath and relax in it, listening to the music & just letting your mind float away. Have a late lunch somewhere you find peaceful. Arrange for hubby or the kids to organise a nice dinner, either home made or order out. Maybe go for a walk on the beach in the evening by yourself or with hubby just for some alone time. I mean, really take the day to pamper yourself & make it yours.

I don't know if you can or will consider this but I've almost got myself convinced to do it. It would be nice to be able to afford a few days being pampered where you don't have to do a thing & can let you mind go. Sounds better than hospital to me.

Whatever you do, take care & stay safe. Remember, people do care.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @BlueBay,

As a few members have expressed already, there are people on here who do care and worry about you.

It seems like that you don't feel heard or validated by your psych, and that you're MH concerns are not acknowledged.

I'm worried about you. Are you safe?

Please don't hesitate to contact emergency services if you feel like things are getting too much and that you are at risk of harming yourself. The numbers are at the end of this post. 

I understand that hospital seems like it's the best option for you right now. I curious to know what are you hoping to get from hospital? I'm keen to explore how you can get what you need without going to hospital.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

If in immediate danger: 000

Stay safe,

CherryBomb

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone
I'm ok. I'm safe. I'm sorry if I have worried you all. I am at the beach with my husband.
I know that self harm is not an option. I am having tomorrow off and I am going to sleep in, have breakfast out and go to the beach. I'm going to do things for me.
I was hoping to get away in hospital to refocus myself and just something to break the cycle. But hopefully if I can stay on here and get through this without hospital then I have achieved something positive.
I'm seeing my DBT therapist next week and she is fantastic she will help me as well. I think deep down hospital was an easy way out of sorting my stuff. I need to do this without hospital. I need to prove that I can do it.
Thank you everyone for your continuing support.
I think I need to do some meditation or yoga tonight. But for now swimming has helped me.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @BlueBay

That's great news to hear that you are are taking some time out for YOU. It's wonderful that you are taking control of caring for yourself.

I hope that tomorrow you can have some time to reflect and re-energise.

CherryBomb

[Angels333]

That's great that you've been to the beach, so therapeutic! Keep connected with us and the crisis services.

[BlueBay]

I think I have done a lot of things for everyone else in my life that maybe just maybe it's now time for ME.  Now that mother in law is in a nursing home I can stress less and start to feel like my own family is with me now and no one else.  I know it is hard to adjust after 20 years with her but now is the time for me, my husband and our chidlren to adjust again to a normal family life of just us.

Even for me and my husband adjustment is big as part of our 30 yr marriage 20 of that has been with his mum.  And do you know I can't even remember the first 10 years and how our marriage was.

So we have to rebuild our lives again and its exciting and scary at the same time.  I don't know what I want with my life.

All I do know is that one day i hope to be a grandmother and i will spoil the grandchildren as much as i can. I will love them, hug them, kiss them, tell them I love them so much, play with them and just enjoy being a grandmother.  Something my own mum never ever did with my own children.  I will never ever do what she did to me and my children.  So cruel and hurtful things she would do to me and my children.  Well i am never going to be like her, never ever.

That is my hope that one day i will become a grandmother (i hope) and love my grandchildren so so much.

And also a 'retired life' with my husband.  A life where we can travel a bit and enjoy our children and their children.

I have to have something to hold onto, to keep me going.

A lot of things that are negative are not coming from the 'real' me.  They are from my emotional side and it always happens when i get angry, frustrated and feel no one is listening to me.  But i do know that i have a great support team and a forum on here.

[Drac0]

Hi @BlueBay, glad you went and did something relaxing like head to the beach with hubby. Great place to calm down some. Great to hear you're going to use tomorrow for some 'me time'. It will recharge you more than just simply hiding at home alone. I think I need some time at the beach too, might lift my spirits a bit as well.

A lot of changes going on for you lately. With the MiL, her problems and her care no longer a full time issue, it's good to see you thinking of what you can do for yourself & those closest too you. Maybe the next few years will bring back the good memories of your first 10 years together.

I'm sure you will make a great granny when the time comes. Despite everything that has gone on you love your kids & I'm sure that will flow easily to their children.

But for now concentrate on the me & us with the hubby and kids. It is going to seem strange for a while I guess. It will take time to get used having more time to think and do things for yourself & family. I hope you can make the most of it.

Take care.

[PeppiPatty]

DEar @Angels333

How are you? How is the children? 

Yes, a few years ago.....when I was .......... younger, I worked as a volunteer at a call line centre in WEstern Australia. Maybe one day, I can look at that again but Im too busy getting to know myself and get my beautiful husband through. 

Great message to you @BlueBay.....theres somthing about you where you feel that you just want to give you a cuddle, do you feel that too @Angels333 ?

The royal family are on holiday in the French Alps......I saw snow in California in 2004, seems like years and years ago.....it was so much fun.....have you seen snow?

MY husband is trying to show a trick of sticking my pencil up his nose and them making it dissappear......I think Im supposed to laugh but he is now going crosseyes and Im laughing now.........

PP

[Angels333]

Hi @PeppiPatty Thanks for asking actually I'm not great, I'm in a rut of negative behaviour that only adds to my anxiety. The kids are good and my husband is ok, but he doesn't really understand MI. So I cover up a lot of things that I only discuss with close friends and my psychiatrist. My husband has a chronic illness ulcerative colitis which he receives infusions of immunosuppressive medicines. I think my MI is in the "not a real illness" basket for him sometime l.