Lived Experience Forum

[Barkly]

Hi all....,

New here so not sure yet how it all works.

I realise the idea of the RUOK day is all good, but if (unlikely) someone (especially a stranger) was to ask me if I was OK, even if I was feeling absolutely crap, I would NOT divulge how I was feeling. Even a family member asking would get the same reply.... And if I did say I wasn't good then what? "Visit your GP", or "Go to the local hospital".... After past experiences, those would be the last people I would visit... I've been "locked away" a couple of times and I've promised myself I would NEVER go back there....

Sorry, but I don't think it's a great idea....

[Princessmolly]

I spent all day yesterday NOT ok. No one asked. And if they did what could they do that countless doctors and psycologists and 2 psychiatriats couldn't acheive. There was a RUOK bbq in my town. Wtf its like hey can i have a saysage with a touch of hoe fo i stop my self disgust. Sorry in feeling irritated today

[Queenie]

@Barkly firstly welcome to the forums!

I think the idea behind R U OK day is good, but people go about it the wrong way. For instance at the hospital yesterday (before I was released), they gave everyone smiley face cookies and asked if we were OK. Like I am going to admit it at that point if I'm not! I have the anonymity of a forum for that. 

I don't want to be labelled as an 'attention seeker'.

[Ma60]

I too found yesterday a trigger, brought back painful memories about my previous workplace. The organisation had a fundraiser for RUOK yesterday. I just wish they would put the words into practice. They did not want to know when I was at my lowest. 

[Barkly]

Thanks Queenie for the welcome....

It seems as though I'm not the only one that thinks of RUOK day as most of the community would like to think of it.... Me thinks it was one of those ideas thought up by a good intentioning person or people but didn't necessarily think it through... However there are others that have got something out of it so, I guess, good luck to them...

I've been battling depression (diagnosed) for over 20 years, and possibly undiagnosed for 10 before that, I've been on countless medications, seen numerous counsellors and medical professionals, and as mentioned before, been "locked up" twice and hospitalised as well... It just gets so debillitating and tiring. Cost me 2 marriages, which also cost me big $$.... for the last 10 years I've been hoping to catch a fatal disease or have a terminal "accident".... It seems tho that living a healthly non-smoking, non-drinking, non drug-taking life is now "benefitting" me in other ways....

Anyway, I don't want to be an attention seeker either so I'll just crawl back into my hole.... It's nice and dark and quiet in here....!!

[Alone]

I'm going to disagree.  I think its a great idea.  I follow it on facebook and they have had discussions about how to talk to people, and things that you can say etc.  They bring awareness to what is a big problem and they get people talking about it.  That's a good thing.

Okay, so maybe some of us aren't in a place where we can open up about how we are feeling but it will help some people.  Speaking from personal experience, years ago I was determined to (word that cant be mentioned) myself.  I was in and out of hospital and in a really bad place.  Then my neighbour that I didnt know very well called me over to the fence and gave me a little hand made gift.  Even though I didnt talk to her  about my problems, that one little gesture turned my life around and made me think that someone cared.

Just knowing that someone cares is enough to make a difference in some lives, and taking a day to say "I care" is a good thing.

[Appleblossom]

I agree with all of the above.

At different times I have had different experiences regarding the impacts of genuine and ritualised caring. I do see it as simply a secular ritual.  It can be something that is positive for many, but it all depends on particvular individuals and circumstances.

Regarding smiley cookies and big smiles ... just wanna make me chuck ... that is actually a form of coercion.

Still I think it is better that the issues are on the agenda rather than being silenced.

[esprit]

It's not your fault!

[Former-Member]

Personally I'm not a fan of RUOK. I think the principle behind it is good. It helps raise awareness but it's really hard to put into practice where is not tokenism. Personally I've never been asked but that's not why I am not raising its flag. I see too much tokenism on social media and it's a really difficult concept to get right for many people. For those that have experienced a positive outcome I am really happy though and I wouldn't can it, I'm just wary that we don't put too many resources into that basket when that funding could be used differently as well. Maybe I'm just feeling cynical.

[Kurra]

That one question saved my life @Former-Member. I got asked yesterday and it wasn't a token thing because of R U OK day. My reply was no I'm not. The response was let's go and grab a coffee, find a quiet spot anxd have a chat. It helped me just knowing someone cared enough to not only ask but follow through after a negative answer.