Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Tight-Control]

Hi,

I have found out in the last 3 weeks that my 14 year old daughter was sexually assualted by 2 grown men in their late 20's . This happened last year . My daughter has had some issues since then but has only just tolds us the reasons behind this.

She now has a diagnosis of PTSD and is seeing a psych and councelor.

As her Dad how can I support her .. I am at a loss as to what I can do .. Advice most welocome.

[Baboo]

Hello @Tight-Control,

I am so sorry to read that your daughter has experienced such a horrible thing.

But its a big positive that she has told you this- even through it might be a year later.

My suggestion on how you can support her is to ask her strait out "how do you want me to help you?" or " What can i do to support you now?"

It might be worth you talking to your GP about this too- to make sure you have support. This is a very big thing for a parent to hear.

Do your or your daughters mum go to the doctors appointments?

Baboo

[Linmerc]

Hi Tight-Control

I was horrified to read your post about your daughter. These mongrels have no idea what damage and pain they have caused your daughter as she will have to live with these terrible memories for her entire life.

I agree with Baboo just ask her how you can help her. I'm sure you being there for her is very reassuring and comforting. She is also receiving the proper professional help needed.

My heart goes out to you, as a parent of a teenage daughter, I would be beside myself. Have the police been involved and will these monsters be punished? Has she been tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

Stay strong as you look after your little girl.

Linmerc

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Tight-Control

Just checking in to see how you doing? My thoughts are with you and your family. Such terrible news to hear.

I echo @Linmerc's words stay strong for your daughter, and reach out here whenever you feel fit.

CB

[Louise]

So sorry to hear this. Many years ago one of  my sons confided to me that he had been sexually assaulted. It is a terrible thing to learn of; I felt shock, guilt, anger and overwhelming concern as he developed OCD for a time. It was sad that he lived with the secret for 6 months before telling me....but thankfully he DID tell me. Thankfully your daughter also has told you, and is having counselling. In my experience, they are the two most important things. Be there for her. Let her know how much you love her. Make sure she truly knows it wasn't her fault. Now an adult, my son is doing really well. You will come through this. 

[Tight-Control]

Thank You all for your support on this difficult subject..

Thanks for letting me know the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.

I am feeling better and am able to support my duaghter as she meeds it..

[pjc11]

My deepest thoughts to you and your daughter. We have been through same situation. Are you receiving any help for yourself?.  It would be of help that you also have counselling as this will help you to cope better and to have somebody to oepen upto will help you. Google reaserch all the help you can read to educate yourself on dealing with this l]kind of trauma. Knowledge is power they say and I agree. I wish you both peace , love and good luck in this journey.

[pjc11]

Hello tight control, 

how are you and your daughter doing these days?.I havent been on here for a while so I was really pleased to read that you are feeling somewhat better and that you continue to support your daughter. I congratulate you for being such a loving caring and supportive wonderful dad. That is something my daughter and son do not have from their own dad, So I applaude you for being there for her. It means everything to know her Dad loves and support her. Love is the place that we have to come from and show patience and compassion to her and also to yourself.I have dealth with trauma and mentall Illness most of my life. I had to give up work some years ago to take care of my daughter when her mental health was life threatening. With all due respect as far as privacy goes,May I ask if you are working or are you at home taking care of your daughter?. You do not have to answer if you are not comfortable to. I understand fully.if you are at home taking care of her you may be allowed to claim a payment from Centrelink. I mention this because for some years I did not know that I was eligable to receive carers payment and allowance. I used to go to work and do my best to not take my worries there with me . Which to some extent did help me a little to cope and have a break from the stresses. It was tough to manage though not knowing what I would find once I got home, if my daughter had harmed herself and such like.She didnt want me to leave her at home alone.it broke my heart to get in my car and drive off. I questioned myself and decided that my place was with her, she needed me more than my job did.My X her dad had to go to work so it was all on me to deal with more than him.  I was using savings to support us for a while once I left my job. Then at a support group which i was going to I found out that I could receive benefits. There are support groups for you to attend and talk to others in simular situations, which helps us to know we are not alone in this, we are in the same boat so to speak.Carers Victoria can help you to with locations. mental illness fellowship is another one, there are also support groups for people with PTSD. If you have a computer look them up on google.  Hope this helps. 

You have to take of YOU so you can be there for her. This may mean that you take time out to see your friends and do somethings that give you pleasure. Remeber this, yhat fact that she opened up to you was a courageous and huge step for her to do and that shows how she feels about you as her dad, Time is truly a healer and we have to keep that in mind as we go through the tough emotional times. They will in time become a bit easier to cope with. I know I have been there personally too. Work through this one day at a time and please do not pressure yourself or your daughter to do more than you both feel able to manage. I know that I myself have put pressures on my daughter and also myself to do better, it does not work. So now we have learnt that there is no time limit to getting well and coping with mental illnesses.  

People do think that we look okay so we must be okay.... what does a mental illness look like in a person?, we dont always show it outwardly. I used to be that way when my daughter would be having a good day and i would think oh she's getting better. (through my lack of knowledge about mentall Illness I thought like this) then she would relapse and be back to square one. which i did not understand was the normal process. I know differently now so I do differently now. I have read many books on my daughters mental illness and it has been so helpful to me.knowledge is power and very it is useful to have an understanding of symtoms etc and to have an isight about what your daughter is going through I used to find it particually difficult to understand what behaviors are the mentall Illness in my daughter and what are the normal behaviors of a 14 year old.

I hope I have helped you in some way.  If you want to ask any questions please feel free to do so. I have learnt so much about myself too through out these years, what my strengths are and how I have become so reslient. You and your daughter will get through this. Stay strong and do something nice for yourself.. All the best to you both.