Lived Experience Forum

[Confused1]

Hi im new here and im not sure what this is about but i have been having outburst of really bad behavior. Im going to the dr on monday again to talk about it. Ive been diagnosed with depreasion but as of late i cant comtorl myself and i go from being ok and level headed to snap decisions and not remembering things that ive done. Im crying all the time and cant think straight and end up making the wrong choices. Im not out trying to self diagnose but i just need someone who can help if they can

[Ali585]

Hi. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I hope that your doctor can help you get some answers and ideas of how to manage.

It may help to write down specific examples of what you mean to show your doctor (if you can I know you said you were having trouble remembering)

Also might be worth considering if you have any sort person - friend or family who has noticed these changes who may be able to support you in your appointment if needed?

I would also say if you're not satisfied at the end of the appointment seek a second opinion. You're entitled to and it may be helpful.

Would love to hear how you get on. Hope it helps you

[Confused1]

I am having a really hard time i just broke up with my partner of 6 years and only last week i sent myself a really horrible nasty messages pretending i was some one else and saying that he was doing every thing behind my back and i can only remember doing it in bits and peaces. i have 2 kids but he is their step father and a great one at that but today i told the kids we had split and i was so against telling them but i lost control again and didn't think it through. Just when im down i am really down and nothing can bring me back up again i have feelings of being worthless a bad mother alot of the time i feel useless.

[Ali585]

Sounds really overwhelming 😞

i think that coming on here to talk about it and going to see your doctor on monday are both great ideas. Good on you for doing these things to try and help yourself.

I'm really hoping that seeing your doctor will be a great starting point for you in dealing with these overwhelming feelings. 

Sometimes i find when things are overwhelming me it helps to just deal with small chunks of time. What can you do between now and your appointment on monday to get through the next couple of days. Are there things you enjoy doing? Walking? spending time with your kids? How old are they?

[Confused1]

My kids are 9 and 10. I just got off the.phone to lifeline aswell i wish i had of called them sooner or found this place sooner i probably would not have lost control of my feelings and thoughts. Im just really scared and really confused as to why i have done the things i have over the past few weeks, and not remembering things. Its almost like im a completely different person when i have these (im going to call them episodes) i have alot of past issues that i haven't delt with for years and its all coming up and making me lose it. I took the kids out today after i had my episode and we had the best afternoon i just wish i could of stoped and took a breath befor i fliped out this morning and i regreted telling them about the split up as soon as i was able to think straight.

[Drac0]

hi @Confused1 sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now.

Been thinking for a while how to respond to this. Been several replies since I started.

I really hope you have someone close to support you and keep you safe until you can get to the doc on Monday. If not remember we're here & will do our best to help you along the way. I've never called lifeline myself, the thought of actually speaking directly to some stranger about my issues scares the crap out of me. I'm glad you had the courage & it's helped you. And I'm glad you had a great afternoon with the kids!

It's very important that you tell the doc everything you can about whats happening & how you're feeling. This was the hardest thing for me, every time I went to the doc I was depressed and never told everything that was going on so lived years with an incorrect diagnosis and taking meds that did little to help & some that even made matters worse.

I hope tonight & tomorrow are better for you. Take care & I'll be here for a while if you need to talk.

[Confused1]

Thank you very much for all of your support @Darc0 and @Ali585 i very much appreciate it. Actually being able to talk on here and to lifeline tonight has helped me so much, i just wish i knew about all this befor hand, but i cant undo the past i just have to try and keep a level head about things from now on. I dont feel as ashamed of my doings as i have been feeling latey and talking on here has lifted abit of weight off my shoulders. Ive never became a member of anything like this before but im so glad i have done it tonight. Just being able to talk about all thats going on for me at the moment with people who truly understand has been a great help.

[Drac0]

I'm glad you're feeling comfortable here @Confused1

I'm only new here myself but have been on several forums over the years but am amazed by some of the people here. The responsiveness & attitude is just fantastic.

I've always found it easier to talk to people who have suffered from mental health issues. They know what it's like, how you're feeling & how tough it can be. I spoken to 'professionals' who don't seem to understand & I just can't connect to. Those that have lived it know it!

Take care.

[Confused1]

I absolutely agree with you 100%. I have been in and out of therapy for years and have only ever seen 1 that has truly helped me unfortunately she no longer is working. I cant stand being in a small room with some one i dont know face to face and the first thng that is asked is ' so tell me, how are you?' And then they are to busy jotting down notes to keep any sort of eye contact with you. I know this forums isnt a fix it all but i feel at peace right now actually being able to interact with people that know first hand how i am feeling and what i am going through by their own experience. I dont feel scared at all on here and i can fully open up and get what i need to say said. I often have alot of trouble trying to get someone to understand me even just the slightest. I was told that i was just being selfish today but i really couldn't control myself if i had of been able to just relax i would have never done the things i have done. I have been crying out for help for so long now and its been on here that has satisfied my needs untill i can see my dr. I know its only been a few replys but in just those few i feel like every thing will be ok and i have people on here if i need them. And for your replys @Drac0 and @Ali585 have really helpd settle me down i can not thank you enough. I actually thought i would go unheard here but i wasn't and im so thankful.

[Drac0]

Glad we are able to help you cope @Confused1

It is very hard to be open & honest with someone you don't feel understands you or to be really paying attention to what you have to say. It took a major upheaval in my life for me to open up to my doctor & get the diagnosis & treatment I needed to at least improve my situation.

When your friends & family don't understand it's even harder. Their reactions, like "you're being selfish", can sometimes hurt the most, making your situation much worse rather than being of any help. So it is a real relief to be able to open up to those that know what you're going through, even if it is only on an anonymous forum.

Cheers