Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

According to my clinical psychologist, this is my diagnosis. I still qualify for the criteria of schizophrenia but also have bipolar too. I never knew. I didn't know I experience mania (I honestly never thought I had manic episodes). Sure I have periods where I require little sleep, get irritable and cranky because things are moving at my required pace and I am far from depressed during these peroids, but I thought this was just normal being happy. Depression I definitely know because it is crushing blackness which overwhelms me (like it is currently). When I am depressed, everything even getting out of bed or looking after my basic needs is an enormous effort. Other times, I feel like I could conquer and divide, but I wouldn't say I'm manic... maybe I have a lack of insight then? I just don't know.

However my clinical psych has been working with my psychiatrist over the past few months and this is what they've come up with. 

God help me!

[samt31]

hi @Queenie does this help you to understand yourself a bit more or does this confuse you?

are you happy with what the diagnosis is?

samt31

[Former-Member]

hello @Queenie @samt31

I was wondering exactly the same as samt31.

How are you feeling about your new diagnosis?

hope you are ok

take care

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Queenie,

Adding to @samt31 and @Former-Member's question, may I ask what this means for you? I mean how will this affect you, treatment and daily living?

I always like to think of diagnoses as a way of explaining and understanding a cluster of behaviours. It's very grey, with no clear boundaries. 

Anyhoo, hope you are ok, and the diagnosis is helpful.

CherryBomb

[Queenie]

Hi @CherryBomb , @Former-Member and @samt31,

This diagnosis totally confuses me. I honestly never thought I had either hypomanic or manic episodes, just peroids of happiness where everything is bliss. They don't last long but they are there occasionally. It confuses me mostly because I thought I had pretty good insight into my psychiatric illnesses and this just blows everything I thought about myself into a whole new direction.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised (but I am) because I have a strong family history of bipolar on my mother's side (incuding my mother). 

Something to discuss further with my psychiatrist when I see him on February 1.

[Former-Member]

hello @Queenie

You have a very good attitude in response to the question about how you feel in regard to your new diagnosis?

I think I would be the same as you asking myself questions, why didnt i realise?

I believe that is a good thing though, a healthy response as you are open to finding out more. open to better understanding. this is a philosophical approach as well as educational and to my mind is the best approach anyone can have. It is the best approach to life in general for any human being.

Asking your psychiatrist also, rather than well meaning friends etc, or internet googling is also better for you. You trust your psychiatrist therefore will feel supported when asking and receiving answers.

I wish you well and admire your strength

[Kurra]

Nil desperandum @Queenie. It appears that we are now twins as I have the same condition although I have found it much easier to just mention the bipolar part rather than the full label. In a way I think only mentioning the bipolar makes it easier for other people to understand.
Try not to let the label confuse you. I didn't realize that I experienced mania or hypomania either. It was just my happy normal.
The thing that helped me most with the mood swings was learning to identify the very earliest signs of going up or down. They are all very subtle things - when I'm going down one of the earliest signs is my coffee starts to taste odd. Great! This means that I can take measures to lessen the likelihood of a full blown depression - increase exercise, get up earlier when I first wake up even if it is 4am. Look towards the sun once it's risen for at least 10 mins. Look towards NOT at the sun.

Sorry I could continue to rabbit on for pages but for now you just need time to make the mental shift in the way you perceive your illness..
Thinking of you 💕 🎶

[Queenie]

@Kurra I'm glad there's someone out there I can relate to who also has this 'label'. I'm going to keep a mood diary for a while to keep track of my ups and downs to try and identify any patterns or triggers. I know when I am headed for a depressive cycle because I have a total lack of energy and am very weepy. I'm going to keep a closer eye on my happy times now. I do remember just before Christmas (about 2 weeks before), I was in a happy cycle and went shopping everyday. I never thought I spent excessively but it appears I bought a lot of random things I probably don't need. My psych says that's a signal of a hypomanic or manic episode. I was also sleeping a lot less then. I was also drinking a little (I wouldn't say excessively but I was certainly 'jolly'.). I never thought too much about it because I thought it was just the silly season and I was surrounded by happy shoppers at my local Westfield. 

I didn't sleep at all last night but I am not in a happy cycle. I am still depressed and now I feel like I have no energy at all. Everything is an effort. 

My psychologist has recommended a good App for a mood tracker and also a meditation App which were both free. I think I will make good use of them.

[Kurra]

@Queenie
I take a set amount of cash out of my account once a week to cover needs NOT wants. My debit card then goes in a coloured and sealed container of water and remains in the freezer until the night before the next cash out day.

There was a 3 week period a lot of years ago when I managed to spend very close to $200K. Yes thousands. Hence my freezer card. I've managed to pay it all back now. Even the ones that just waived the debts.

A mood diary is a good start. I also kept a detailed journal so I could eventually detect the early signs of a shift in mood. You appear to have good insight and an excellent understanding of your own needs.

I suspect this will all make quite a lot more sense fairly quickly.

Luv n Hugzzz 💕 🎶

[Ayesha]

I have that diagnosis.... schizoaffective bipolar ...... I'm happy to share