Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

I wish I knew how to explain my experiences to my gf. She wants to understand and to some extent she does, but she doesn't understand schizophrenia at all. It upsets me she refers to my voices as demons and jokingly tells these demons to 'the power of Christ compells you demon to leave'. I'm not religious but I do believe in demons and I don't think I am posessed at all. 

Also she is now getting upset that I have chosen to stay in hospital and get more treatment. She truly believes that despite strong suicidal ideation, I'd be better off at home. I tried to explain to her that I had a plan and a means to enact that plan, and that those suicidal auditory hallucination commands are still happening. She is in tears sometimes and has also reverted back to self harming herself which is a bit of a worry nonetheless. 

I don't want to upset her, as I love her and I know she loves me, but I gotta get help for me before I self destruct. 

She has been posting heaps of pictures of us on social media and because of this a friend of mine (who seemingly took advantage of me more than a few times) has blocked me on social media, even though I don't contact her that frequently. While I am learning not to loan money or my stuff to people anymore because of this 'friend', it hurts that they have now decided to shut me out of their live after treating me like a sister for so long. 

I'm still pining after my dead pet rat too. Never got the chance to say goodbye to his furry little soul. 

Life is just complicated.

[utopia]

@Queenie. Did your gf find a place to bury your pet. Is there a place where you will be able to visit. We need to mourn our pets. Theyare ffamily. Maybe there is a grief therapy session offered at your hospital. If so, attend remember and grieve.
Ask your psychiatrist to organise a family meeting with gf. Write down what you want to say. Eg: don't insinuate that I'm possessed by demons (not true and not helpful). How you worry you will loose her, if you remain in hospital getting appropriate treatment. How you appreciate her wanting to help and look after you, but that you are too sick at the moment & you must have professional help at this time.
If your psychiatrist can't / won't organise this meeting - I wonder if one of the nurses will act as your advocate. It's important to talk with your gf.
Good luck

[Queenie]

@utopia I think the family meeting will have to go ahead sooner rather than later and I'd love it to be with the psychiatrist. I'll throw a net over him and hog tie him until he agrees 😛 Actually I think it'd be really beneficial. I am kinda peeved at having joke exorcisms performed on me as it plays down what I experience as a joke. I know she doesn't mean it, but I will have to discuss it. 

I did manage the grief and loss session last week and discussed my pet. I realised it is kinda difficult to grieve for him in here though if that makes sense. I'll go to where he is buried (my friend buried him) and put a little statue there or something. 

Thanks for your well wishes. 

[dusty1]

there is good medication out there just have faith and time you know what you need for yourself you can get better

[Queenie]

Thanks @dusty1. I just hope with a little less stress and some time to heal, I'll get better in time. 

[utopia]

@Queenie. If you have to resort to hog tying your psychiatrist to a chair - can you give me a warning - so that I can delete my posts where I (may have - admitting no liability here) suggeated you doing it. Lol.
Sweet dreams