Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Good intentions do matter and we let others know them partly through words. I think most people on the forum are fond of you @Jacques. I am, I dont think it is wise to talk people out of their beliefs.

I would like you to have peace and I hope you find it in the absolutley best way possible for you.

I make mistakes all the time in what I say but I am trying to come from a deeply connected place, beyond manners and superficilaity. I am happy to clarify with others if I upset anybody and hope people would ask me.

In some ways words cant hurt us unless we allow them to do so, but a world without beautiful words or people expressing kind and good things would be a lesser place.

[Jacques]

I am so sorry @hiddenite, i know how much i mean to you and you know how much you mean to me.  i have made a real mess today, for the last couple of days....  i never meant to hurt anyone, that goes for you too @Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty and @Former-Member, i might give talking about myself a miss for now, i much prefer helping others, i am not used to people being nice to me, for 15 years i have lived in total hostility, hated by people in the town i live in and neighbours, i just find it hard to have people say nice things about me and care.

Thank you all so much for the kindness you have shown me over the past few days, and really since i came to this forum.

Thank you all

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

Yep I get that @Jacques. Sometimes we dont want to go on about your own things, but your honesty has already been a gift. I hope that you reach out to others to give them the helping hand.. not just to receive it, but thats enuff buttering you up ole man.

You have no idea how pleased I am about my son finally agreeing to have a trip away .. I just spoke to my son in Sydney .. it was wonderful. he has been on planes with his father and me, but this one was him an his own. 

He is going to see my brother who drops back to Sydney after doing his German cancer therapies.  It might be the last time he sees his uncle, but there are 2 birthdays this week so they will be running around doing lots of things together.

I travelled for a whole year through Europe and Asia before I was 21 and my son is 22. I dont need to travel much now as I got it out of my system young. We are all different. Maybe one day you will get to Germany.

I hope you are doing well, I didnt mean to upset you asking you not yabber on in the other thread, just asked cos I was trying to get clear about boundaries etc. Thats all, no big deal.

[PeppiPatty]

isnt that interesting about your son, @Appleblossom

My oldest son went to Europe for 7 months when he was 22 or 21 years old. My youngest went for one month when he was 21yrs old. 

I went to Israel......and Athens when 20 years old. Only for 2 months. I was in usa at 16-17 years old. It knocked any want of travel for rest of my life though I have travelled since then. 

Good thoughts to your brother @Appleblossom. 

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

Your not apologizing again.......

You have every right to your feelings and beliefs. It doesn't make them right or wrong.

It's just that others don't see you in the same way you do.

An example I want to share....

I loathe myself, waste of space, a leach on society, pathetic and weak. That I deserved all the things my husband did because I was not good enough. That if I had made him happy he wouldn't have died. That my girls would be better off without me.

Sound familiar, J that how I see things. Others may not agree, but it's still how I feel.

Jacques I know how you feel and your plans, I have known for a very long time now, a good friend once told us that instead of fighting this, or apologizing for feeling this way it is time to accept it.

Jacques you are not defined by your thoughts, they are just that.....thoughts. you don't have to act on them, but accept them for what they are. Accepting these thoughts doesn't mean that you are not fighting or have given up it just means that they are there and that is all.

Take care my friend

Karen

[Jacques]

you must be so proud of your son, he seems to be doing so well, i wish him all the best, it is good he is not wasting his youth like i did.

please, their is no need to apologise, i know the thread was yours, and i am glad you put your foot down, it is good seeing you set bounderies, even for me, thank you.

i hope your son gets to spend some real quality time with his uncle, that is so sad he has cancer.  i hope you manage to see him before he dies too.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

i know, you are right Karen, the way you and i see ourselves is totoally different to the way others see us, i don't know if i will ever be able to accept i have wasted my life, so many people would do anything to be healthy and i feel so guilty for feeling this way, but i can't help it, i hate myself so much.

Karen you are my guardian angel, thank you for watching over me, i am feeling so down tonight, i hate how i think, i hate how i view others, and i hate having to have been born in the first place, one of the owrst things i ever told my mother is i wish she never had me, i know it must have been so hurtful to her, and i so regret saying it to her, i should have kept it to myself, i have said too much about my inner thoughts, my head is like a tornado of negativity, constantly swirling round the same thoughts, distroying everything in their path.

i will try to apoligise less Karen, i just feel like no one should here what i think of every day, it scares the shit out of me sometimes, i could imagine how confronting it is for others.

Thank you my angel for being their for me, we really are good friends, i feel i could tell you anything and be comfortable.

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

I love him but am under no illusions that he is perfect. He also drags his feet a lot and I joked this morning that I would buy a crowbar to get him out of bed.

It is just a hurdle we have overcome .. that he gets out more .. my daughters were so hooked on travelling he rejected that maybe .. he didnt have a good opinion of people and secluded himself a lot like you. Would not go into a shop. mY nephew who is addicted to junkfood tried to corrupt my sons and take him out to the local take aways and get beer etc, he wasnt interested.  His seclusion started a lot younger than you as he stopped normal school attendance at the end of year 7 when he was 12.

I like that you go for a coffee once a week with your mother .. my son wouldnt do that .. I'd just get a lecture on the evils of coffee, but we have other things we love to share.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jacques

You mentioned the idea of maybe reaching out one day... I think that getting some help would be a great idea. 

I asked my colleagues what sort of services there are to treat Agoraphobia, and they suggested this website.

http://mindspot.org.au/

Mindspot offer free online assessment and treatment for depression and anxiety. Its not a replacement for a therapist, but it is a good start. Maybe one day it could help you get to the point where you could have the courage to meet a therapist in real life?

I just thought I would suggest it as a good place to start if you ever did decide to reach out.

🙂

[Jacques]

Hello @Former-Member,

I don't think we have met, nice to meet you.

I feel awful for you guys at SANE to be doing so much work trying to get me help, I have been told about mindspot, i just looked at it and it seems good, i have been their once before but i had to pay to use it, so i didn't follow through with it.  my doctor told me about it years ago.

Thank you so much for worrying about me so much, it is so nice of you all, i will look further into it.

Jacques