Lived Experience Forum

[Blue_girl]

I'm feeling so overwhelmed..long history of depression and anxiety and thyroid condition, always struggled with my weight and never felt like I fit in. I stopped my anti depressants at the end of last year.. which probably coincides with my not having an alcohol free day for about 9 months, and i'm feeling an ever increasing depedancy with this..

At the start of last year i seperated from my husband (not yet divorced) after years of not being emotionally comptabile and trying to conceive, with four heartbreaking IVF attempts.. instead of going for our fifth round we seperated.. this followed with an episode of numerous partners for myself in an attempt I suppose to feel wanted because he wasn't interested in that aspect for years... struggled so much with not being able to have children and my identity around that..
two weeks ago I found out he is expecting a child soon with his girlfriend and two days after that news my uncle attempted suicide, incurred brain damage and as a family we removed medical assistance..sitting with my three younger cousins at their dads funeral a few days ago was hard.. Last few weeks have been emotionally draining..
Trying to study and work.. can't focus on anything, my head keeps racing..

[utopia]

@Blue_girl. What a truly hard time you have gone through. One thing after another.
Can I ask why you stopped taking your AD's. Did you do it under the supervision of your psychiatrist or gp?
It sounds like you need to speak to a specialist. Can you make an appointment to see your gp this week. Explain as honestly as you can everything that has been happening in your life. Be honest about your drinking too. Your gp will not judge you. Ask for a mental health care plan. A simple questionare.
I too used to drink every day. Didn't mix with my depression but I did it anyway. In May I went to hospital due to SI - the added bonus being that I couldn't drink in there. Wow. The difference without alcohol has been amazing. I think clearer and have been able to focus on my therapy and getting better.
Depression doesn't help you study and concentrate.
Please talk to your gp. You can start feeling better again.
I wish you all the best

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Blue_girl you certainly have had a lot to deal with this year. At least you were there at the funeral. I am sure you made a positive difference. It is a very difficult death to grieve and mourn.  Take your time with it for yourself and your family.

Your ex will go through his own ups & downs whether he is in a relationship or not.  It wont all be a bed of roses.  Try not compare your situation and work on self care and appreciation.  It is easier said than done. I took a long time to calm down after my separation, but eventually it improved.

I hope the forum can offer support and at least help you feel less alone.

[utopia]

How are you today @Blue_girl

[Blue_girl]

@utopia I took myself off medication in probably a misguided attempt to figure out who I was without it..  I felt like it was numbing my feelings but all I've ended up doing is numbing them with alcohol, or emotional eating like I do..

was doing semi okay until mum told me she left work, went and seen her, she's mess, she had to make more police statements, see lawyers again with my cousin because me Uncles girlfriend has a drug addiction and trying to sell his stuff.. Mum is not coping well either.. Feel like everything and everyone is falling apart

[utopia]

@Blue_girl. I too have come off my meds (years ago now), with disastrous effects. One thing I have learnt and that I live by, is that I am not my MI (mental illness). It is just a part of me like my greying hair and my black sense of humour and my passion about looking after people. I hope you can learn that you are not your MI either.
I have learnt through work with my psychologist these past 4 or 5 months - who I was - who I am.
You and your family are having a hard time at the moment. Awful when you have to cope with more than one thing at a time.
You can't keep struggling on your own. It might be time to go and see your gp and get a referral to a psychologist - a professional who can help you cope with all these stresses piling on top of you.
Are you seeing a specialist?