Lived Experience Forum

[Cherrycola]

I'm a worrier and have always gotten stressed easily. I have been depressed before and I know what that feels like. I don't feel low and hopeless, I just feel frigging tightly wound and agitated and prickly all the time! I am a full time mom of 2 boys, 2 and 4 yrs old. When the kids are quiet and calm (which is extremely rare), then I am calm and quite content to get on with my chores, but at the moment I am getting so overwhelmed with triggers like the noise and chaos of my kids fighting or rough playing or jumping on the furniture or racing down the hallway screeching. I seem to get really anxious and tense and angry and explosive the minute my kids don't cooperate or listen to me or make too much noise or my husband does something daft. I seem to have lost my ability to keep calm and clear and my head starts to spin and I snap all the time. It feels physical more than mental depression. I just feel like physically I don't have the resources to cope and I'm going straight into limbic fight mode (or have the desire to run away, flight). My skin has also suddenly gone mad, (congested and spotty) and my hair is thinning. I can no longer drink alcohol (which was my saving grace at night. 🙂 as I get such a headache and vomit, even on one glass! It's like I can't tolerate toxicity in my system any more. I'm currently taking probiotics, omegas, and magnesium powder as I really feel like I out of balance and am lacking something but the magnesium with vit B isn't helping. Gosh, sorry to harp on, I don't know who to see or ask or what to buy but this is starting to get me and my kids and my husband down. My poor kids especially, are starting to look scared of me because I'm so explosive 😞

[CherryBomb]

Hi Cherrycola,

Welcome to saneforums! I'm 'Cherry'bomb. 

The picture you paint makes me feel like a can of soda (perhaps cherry cola) that has been shaken up and is full of pressure.  It sounds like there's a lot of built up tension, and anxious feelings, and the lid is just waiting to be released.

Now I'm certainly in no position to diagnose so it might be helpful to speak to a mental health practitioner. Often when people feel this way getting a diagnose can help them understand what's going on, which can make things less confusing and give some direction about what to do next. 

To link in with a psychologist, you can get a referral from your GP. BeyondBlue has a list of GPs that have a particular interest in mental health if you're unsure of how to find an appropriate one. When you go to your GP, it may help to book a longer appointment to ensure that you don't feel rushed and can have more time to get your concerns addressed. It can also be helpful to write down your symptoms, feelings, and family history, and any other areas you want to discussed beforehand. The GP will do an initial assessment and then can refer you on to a mental health clinician such as psychologist or a psychiatrist. They can either refer you to one that they know or they can refer you to one that you choose. You can find a psychologist here and or a psychiartrist here.  However, be sure to clarify what the medicare rebate is before you ask for a referral to a MH practitioner of your choice as some may charge more than others.

It sounds like there's a lot going on for you emotionally and physically so getting a diagnosis or even an explanation might be helpful.

Does anyone else have any thoughts? 

CherryBomb

[coffeegirl]

Hi Cherrycola,

Wow - you're very self aware! Not alot of people are good at articulating what they are feeling & why. You're already 1/2 way there!

Cherrybomb (any relation to you ) had some really good points on how to seek help. You mentioned you have been depressed before. Did you seek help for that? Do you have a professional you already have a bond with?

Our bodies do have a physical response when we're stressed - as you mentioned, it's that fight or flight mode. So as you're aware, your heart rate is up, adrenalin is flowing and your mind is busy. Now the cool thing is, is that we can reduce those physical symptoms, which in turn helps you calm down. It sounds really simple, but takes practice. It's breathing! I know people  say "just breathe" and it's lost some of it's meaning. It actually works.

Slowing down your breathing reduces your heart rate. If your heart rate slows down, your brain turns off it's 'flight or flight' mode and things go back to 'normal' I made that sound very simple... but it has to be practiced. basically you breath in for 4 seconds (counting in your head as you inhale 1, 2 ,3 ,4) & then out for 4 seconds.

I'm sure a professional can give you other strategies too 🙂

Also - I really like this Ted talk about stress - helped me think differently about it

[Alessandra1992]

Hello cherry cola, I hear you! Being a mum of two kids close in age can be really really exhausting for any parent. It certainly overwhelmed me when my boys were younger. Whilst you consider your options as suggested by cherry bomb and coffee girl, I wad also wondering if you have any chance of asking your husband for some help? Even if it was just 15 mins to get out of the house and go to your library, neighbourhood house, friend's house, local park..just to get out of your own environment can really help you get your sense of self back.
Or, it might be you need a bit of a lie in, maybe your husband can take both boys out early one morning to give you a lie in. The main point is to do something just for you, so not housework or grocery shopping, just 15 mins for you to not have to listen to kids squabbling and getting into horseplay..
Be kind to you, the Pantene ad is right, you're worth it!

[chemonro]

Welcome to the forum,  cherrycola! 

Anger, fear, anxiety, agitation, euphoria, rage...  They're all states of arousal. Kind of the opposite of depression... And the other side of the coin? 

[BatGuano]

You're right on that, chem, thanks.

Hi cherrycola, I think I've had the same thing (and still have it when its a bad day and all the bats in my cave are quarreling).

Don't worry about what label to put on your experience.  I've found that other people have labels to offer you and you will get a lot to choose from.  Just remember to choose a label that you feel comfortable with.

 Like stick-it notes.  They peel off easy.

Stress is like sunlight, some of us burn, some tan.  And the sun shines on us all.  

Coping with stress is something that we can learn to do, and there are a lot of people that can give us help.

Myself, I spent a long time being miserable before I decided that it wasn't other people, my work, my partner, little green men, an ancient curse, or tight shoes that was the problem.

I don't have to suffer.  I'm a good decent person with a problem that can be dealt with.  And the same goes for you.

[Cherrycola]

Thank you 🙂

[Cherrycola]

Thanks BatGuano, you've said exactly what I needed to hear. It's me and the stress isn't going to suddenly disappear, I just need better sunscreen. What did you do?

[Cherrycola]

Yes! It is hey? Which requires a different type of treatment... But I suppose the similarities exist in the solutions-talking about it, seeking support and using internal (breathing) tools and external ones (meds & herbs) for support

[Cherrycola]

I'm taking everyone's advice on board here, thank you! I've asked my husband for a day off and I'm taking a few hours right now to be still and quiet and calm. I'm totally relating to the aeroplane scenario, oxygen mask on parent first.