Lived Experience Forum

[jem80]

I always feel like I say the wrong things. That my mental illness trips me up and my conversation isn't as clear or empathetic as I try to make it sound.

[Former-Member]

Me too @jem80. Or sometimes it feels like I go too much the other way and it is over the top. I hardly ever feel like I get it right. I tend to suffer a bit of foot in mouth with lots of things. You are definitely not alone with this. 💜😊

[Mac]

Hi jem88 I have foot in mouth a lot have leant to take time out when someone is speaking slow down and listen it's hard but my brain is slowly getting there I go out side and pretend I doing something very casual excusing my self only answer if I have to my mouth over rides my brain hope this little tip helps.

[NikNik]

It's really hard when you're put on the spot and want to hit that balance of being clear and just the right amount of empathy.

I would also flag though, that sometimes people just appreciate being heard and simply listening can go a long way 🙂

[jem80]

Things tend to come out "backwards". I needed to know that I wasn't the only one. It gives me comfort to know that I am not alone.

[jem80]

I have tried to excuse myself to avoid saying the wrong things but sometimes I feel like stepping out of the conversation is rude.

[jem80]

That's much appreciated. Hopefully I haven't been too direct on this website.

[NikNik]

Hi @jem80

I was just coincidently reading your responses and I was blown away. Your responses are so powerful, practical and empathetic! I particularly loved this one.

You hit the nail on the head in all your responses!

We are lucky to have you as a member of this community 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @jem80. I agree with @NikNik, in that I think your directness, combined with your insight and consideration for others is awesome. ☺️👍

I've thought about everyone's posts here and reflected on my own unintended insensitivity at times and realise that you've hit upon one of the most common consequences experienced by people when they're struggling. In fact, I've had a bit of an "aha" moment thanks to these posts. I think that mental health problems share a feature, in that the sufferers find themselves (ourselves!) in a state where the demands they're trying to deal with are greater than the mental resources and headspace thats available to deal with them. In other words, we're quite simply overwhelmed with no spare capacity. I certainly feel my brain is full a good deal of the time! 

So, of course, the task of processing communication and situational cues from someone else is going to be difficult, and of course, the task of coming up with the best response in what often feels like too short a time space, is hard!! I wonder what our success rate is? Even if we were at 90%, that probably means we put our feet in our mouths several times a day. So yeah, as much as it sucks, it's totally understandable and to be expected. 

Im not sure I have a solution, but I've found myself starting what could be a poor response with "I really don't want this to come out wrong, so bear with me..." And often need to follow up afterwards with, "I'm struggling a bit with finding the best words, but I do respect your view/situation and I'll try to find another way to explain myself". Keen to hear any other ideas. 🙂

[Shock]

Hi jem80. I have that too. When it comes to conversations, I'm not quite the err... conversationalist. I'm always tripping all over my words, and it seems that my mouth can't keep up with what is going on in my head. I say the wrong word, or I say the wrong thing and I know it's the wrong thing but I just end up saying it anyway. and arrgh!I don't know. I hate myself to be honest because I can't change it. It's a part of me. Especially social queues, now that there is something of a conundrum wherein I fail ten-fold also. If I read people too much, I tend to assume the worst. If I don't read them at all I come off as someone that doesn't care. I don't know.