Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Concerned-Mum]

Hi,  I am desperate to help my adult child who has severe anxiety and uses alcohol to self medicate.  We have been to one specialist but he didn’t feel anything was achieved from the visits and felt the meds didn’t help, so didn’t proceed further.  We have had been trying to assist our child since 2014 and at times the situation is dire and we feel we don’t know what to do to help.  He has driven whilst heavily intoxicated which I cannot accept and have reiterated that to him and that he has no right to put other people’s lives in danger.  He accepts that but has done it several times as the anxiety gets so bad he feels he needs the alcohol to go about normal life.  I would like to take his keys off him until he is off the alcohol.  He realises he has mental health issues but blatantly refuses to get help even at our expense.  I have spoken to counsellors myself but they all say he has to hit rock bottom before he will get help.  How bad does it have to get.  We have other children at home so this is affecting the whole family and is changing our way of life.  My current fear is he will cause harm to someone whilst driving or do himself in if he keeps self medicating, as this will increase his anxiety levels.  He has no peer support.  All he has is us and we so want to give him the assistance he deserves.  Any advice of how we can help him would be grateful.  We feel we are going around in circles.  Thanks in advance.

[Former-Member]

I'm new to the forum but started having anxiety in my teens and for a number of years after until I knew I needed help and to get the good support of my family.

As per your story your son is an adult now so options on getting him help are limited unless he wants it. If its effecting the other children is it possible for him to move out? Have you considered keeping the car keys with you and only letting him drive if you think he is not sober (or does he own his own car) Whats the sevrenty of the anxiety? If it is just minor he might find a lite treatment more helpful.

Lots of people go fo a long time without help beucase they need to admit to themselves they have a problem and to look at the best way to deal with it, it can be hard for others to watch on the sidelines but you can't life for your adult children.

[Concerned-Mum]

Thank you;some great advice there. Great to hear from someone who has gone through it; gives another perspective. Have considered him moving out but am hesitant to instigate it as he has no friends and not sure if he may become worse being totally on his own. Re the car, it is his own so taking the keys would be difficult but I certainly would if he was leaving home drinking. His anxiety is quite severe and has peaked at the moment so he is in a real bad headspace. I really appreciate your time in replying.

[outlander]

hi @Concerned-Mum and welcome to the forums

i cant offer a perspective from a parents pov but i can offer from lived experience. 

firstly i am really glad your supporting him as doing on your own is so hard (im 21 and am doing it on my own in real life) i dont want to make this about me but just as a little bit of background info- i have had many many traumas and have severe anxiety and depression- at first i didnt understand it until i done some research myself and realised my 'symptoms' arent normal. i made a plan to end my life and attempted to end it last yr, i put myself and others at risk at one point, never again will put others at risk. 

do you mind if i ask his age as i might know of some services suited to him? and some ideas on how to help..

i really ope he doesnt hit a low point but the psych might be onto something there, but at what cost is what worries me and im sure you for sure! 

[Concerned-Mum]

Hi Outlander,

Thank you so much for your reply.  He is 21.  I do worry about him hitting a low point too.  I am sorry you wanted to end your life and am glad you didn’t.  Everyone is important in this life and everyone has something to give in this life.  By you helping me through your own experiences is helping me greatly to understand and to help my son.  So thank you very much.

[outlander]

Hi @concernedmum

Ok so theres a few helplines at his service if he chooses to use them like kidshelpline, headspac,mensline and of course sane.
Headspace would be a good servicr for him.. i cant link the website but theres heaps of info on there. They are basically all one service under one roof and have psychologists, psychiatrists, support groups (i think) and programs.

You are able to contact them on hos behalf and express your concerns and how to go about them as well. They are equppied for young people and deal with these things everyday.

Also this would be taking its toll on you so please remember self care and reach out for support offline for yourself as well as talking to here 💕

If you have any more questions im happy to answer them as best i can. I can talk quite abit about my past on here as its anoynymous in hopes it might help others too

[Concerned-Mum]

Hi @outlander,

Thanks for that info.  He is aware of these agencies but won’t check them out as his anxiety prevents him.  I have contacted some in the past and their info has been great.  I feel it is down to him; it’s the waiting game I guess.

Thank you for your help and support. It is good to know we are not alone as sometimes it feels that way.  I wish my son would join a forum such as this as he may find it helpful.  Maybe one day.  Thanks again.

[outlander]

Hi @concernedmum there is a forum for young people. Its called reachout. Maybe he could join that one?
Is there a way that you could make him an appointment and then just take him? Without telling him whats going on? Once you go you often realise its not too scary. I think its the unknown that scares people. I know when i have to go somewhere new i actually check out the place twice as in drive past and make sure i know where it is even before i go to the appointment.

[Concerned-Mum]

Will keep reachout in mind but at this stage he doesn’t want to talk about his issues to anyone.  Thanks again.

[candycane]

Hi @Concerned-Mum Candycane one of the moderators here. Your response is so accurate!. Everyone is important and has something precious to offer this life. Often, situations can make us feel overwhelmed and its important to understand that its temporary and will pass.