Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

When people stay away
When they discredit you among friends
When you spend Christmas day and birthdays alone
When ya only living child begrudges bothering with you
When medicare take 4wks to rebate an expensive psych consult (my christmas dinner money)
When people say judge before love
When everyone around you is so burdoned with struggles you're invisible
When attempts to get back into the workforce meet with whispers and gossip?
When family court order children back into harms way
When husbands sleep around
When people 'love' you then spit you out

The list goes on
How do we risk above it? And the echo's on the mind that play over and over

Should we really be expected to write it all off as "blackdog" or "just on ya head" when its clear as a bell.

I know I have to work harder on self compassion and counteracting these 'go away' messages with my own self care, but its just do damn hard. I am woman, i wasn't created to be alone.

Maybe its just after affects of GA yesterday hut gosh I'm struggling.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm so glad that you wrote this as it resonates a lot with me and my situations... I'm really sorry you're struggling today though. Am sending hugs and strenght your way. Is there anything you can do to distract/reward your self for getting through yesterday? 

Here with you

lj

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member, at least we're not rotally alone re cyberspace / forums (which can be removed in one flick of a switch)..
I made choc cake but just sleeping, resting today.

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @Former-Member

i promise, promise, promise not to make this lonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg

you have had great tragedy in your life.

you have experienced systems!!

deceipt, dishonesty, lack of care add to your pile.

your child still loves you, he is deep in his own pile at the moment. he will come around.

in answer to writing it all off as blackdog or trying to give it a label - the answer is no.

those experiences have nothing to do with mental illness, they are about behaviour.

you dont need toxic people in your life. let them blabber, they are too frightened to face their own problems.

work - always have and always will have the gossipers, the back stabbers - toxic people -ignore

walk past and good morning, smile - finished with. you are above all of that.

Yes you are a strong woman. As for being alone perhaps for now you are where you need to be at the moment. as i keep having to remind myself. live today.

xxx

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

i like what you wrote, you're right too I think... its just very hard to see the lighter side sometimes.

Hi @Former-Member

how are you going now? Have you been able to rest up this afternoon a bit?

take care of you

lj

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member, @Former-Member, test I've rested a and a d a brief chat with my son for his birthday (he was busy). Jus need to find a way to 'get out of my head' I think, find something 'hand to task' and focus. Well, maybe tomorrow. Think the 'cattle line' approach in day surgery yesterday was somewhat dehumanising and having 'nobody' to be with for 24hrs as medically advised. Just highlights being alone in the world. Maybe just processing all that rather than pretending it's something g its not.

[Former-Member]

Glad you had a chat with your son @Former-Member even if it was brief. 

Were you able to find a distraction this evening at all? 

My little boy has surgery next week and we dont get to know what time it is because they are doing this set of procedures all day, i think it's going to be a bit similar to your experience. its hard being a single mama at these times too.

I'm glad you are here on the forums with us! 

hugs

lj

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @Former-Member

lisajane - spot on

i wrote that whilst in the depths of depression myself.

somedays i can push myself to write words  for others because the compassion is there, i feel their pain so intensely. i am one who has to apply these words to myself and yes when in a bad place it is very hard to do.

So I say to myself I might be better not saying anything at a time when someone is feeling so deeply.

I have taken on board what you have said and already know this just needed a reminder, a gentle nudge.

Thank you for saying so in a caring way.

Tawney my heart goes out to you. please keep in touch even if you are only able to just say hello xxxxxx

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

When we're really low and blah, i think its incredibly important to hear the positives, so i'm glad you wrote it and think that it needs to be there! 🙂 wasn't trying to suggest that it shouldn't be sorry for coming across that way! I think i often need reminding of those things, that it can get easier and better. That it is about perspective.

Keep writing! 🙂

Hi @Former-Member

How are you today? here with you

lj

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @Former-Member

no i was not offended in the least, i was grateful for you reminding me that sometimes less is better. i too often write posts that are far too long on here. I basically let the thoughts flow straight on to the page.

that is my therapy. all of my supports were cut off before christmas and are not returned until next week.

i think what you said was brilliant @Former-Member , you articulated far better what i wanted to say to you both.

we can be so fragile on here and i am very aware of that.

please both keep writing.