Lived Experience Forum

[kattytee]

Hi I'm new to the forums so please let me know if I commit any faux pas. I've had depression for a long time, but it's been more acute in the last 5 or so years of my life (I'm 35). Depression is an illness that I've had to come to terms with as 'manageable' rather than 'curable' - as in I will tussle with it all my life. I've fallen down again these past weeks but have to keep functioning at work, social events, chores, and it's all completely overwhelming. It seems senseless to do when I know it's just going to come back again even if I'm well for awhile! Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts on just how to deal with the recurrent illness, that there's no once-off and that we'll be dealing with it until death? What do you tell yourself, what do you do? What do other people say that helps you? I would love to hear from this community. Mental illness is pretty frickin' lonely huh.

[Former-Member]

Hello @kattytee

It can be very lonely indeed as when fighting this battle we feel so disconnected from others. I have felt that way a lot in my life - but the reality is we are not alone. Not by a long shot. And I hope you experience that here on SANE.

What do we do? - we keep going and don't give up. Keep doing what you are doing presently and stay engaged in life -  as remaining busy in mind and body helps. We would be a lot more depressed if idle. Just making sure we allow ourselves a break - some leisure time for us, doing what relaxes us. It's all about balance and taking time to smell the roses. Burn out can resemble depression or make it worse - as can under activity.

Also I find nurturing the significant relationships in my life is important - including the one I have with myself without becoming self absorbed helps. And having a reason, a purpose for getting up each day with a better vision of the future. Depression can lift after decades of struggle if we don't allow it to control us (push through and think always the best of the future no matter how grim it has been or looks now). I am having to do the latter presently as I recently nearly lost my daughter. Don't give up my friend - keep living, keep dreaming, keep striving. Life is hard but it's those good moments, those loving moments, those caring moments, those creative moments, that inner growth - those moments that take your breath away even for a bit that makes everything worthwhile. It's worth the fight. Warm hugs xxx

[kattytee]

I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter @Former-Member. I hope she is on the road to recovery if not well now.

I love your words of wisdom. Self-nourishment without being self-absorbed is so important and I forget that/don't think I deserve it when I'm in the black hole.

I already feel less alone due to your thoughtful reply - thank you x x

[Former-Member]

Hi @kattytee  Are you able to work less hours, so that you can have more time to yoursefl to rest?  Yes, it can be very lonely, struggling with depression etc.  I only recently found a psychologist who I feel comfortable with and she is helping me.  I have been to several others and found it a waste of time. 

I've read alot of self help books, which has been very helpful.  My psychologist suggested to research on "mindfullness", as it apparently is very helpful.  Have you ever heard of it?

I am not able to work at the moment.   But, years ago, I went from full time work to part time work and that was a huge help.  There are alot of things I could write, but I'm feeling quite tired now and can't think.  But I am happy to chat to you again, if you would like to.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @kattytee,
Welcome. My partner is 58, has had Depression since 16. A long time. His depression at times was not dealt with, society did not deal with it.
He has now been receiving help since. 2004.
He has worked out triggers. Boredom and stress are the 2 that can make his brain start to spin. He uses Weights at a gym 3 times a week to make him feel good. He can only spend time lying in bed for no more than 2 days. Thats a big indication to me that he is having a bit of a hard time. He sees a Psych every 3 months unless emergency. He has medication. He accepts that the illness is ongoing and can now realise that at least there are certain help available and I am there to help him too. He has worked hard to lessen the attacks. And we talk.
That's about it. Hope it helped.

[Kurra]

Hi @kattytee
This might sound stupid but it has worked for me. If my depression tells me I can't physically get out of bed I make sure that I do. If it tells me to stay at home from work, I force myself to get to work and I usually manage to get work done once I'm there.

I could give example after example but I'm sure you get the drift. Defying what my depression tells me actually empowers me so at the end of the day I can say to myself that I got out of bed and I went to work or for a walk - whatever I've managed to achieve. It really does make a difference and although it may seem impossible it isn't. Sometimes though I have to be incredibly tough on myself. The harder it is, the greater the achievement.
Take care 🎶💕

[Appleblossom]

Welcome to the forum @kattytee I agree with most of the posts on this thread, including the gym & weights, which I did for years then passed on to my son.

The over stressed and under stressed ... issues are core .. and we need to learn what our own particular tolerances are.

Sometimes I am not sure whether it is my depression or my wisdom telling me to stay in bed.  I rarely have one simple approach.  I have physical issues too and reasonable active ... so if I need a lie down these days I do not give myself a hard time ... but @Kurra is amazing and I doff my hat to her.

[kattytee]

Hi @Former-Member Yes I have a very good mental health care team, built over the last five years of need. Mindfulness is a concept that has been recommended to me as well (it seems to be very 'fashionable' at the moment, not that it doesn't work). I'm have recently started a yoga practice which is all about meditation and I'm hoping it will make me more mindful and less of a monkey mind!

I agree work can be so challenging. I'm currently trying to get back to full time after over a year of returning to work post-hospital stay. I hope you find a way of accessing mindufulness that suits you, as I understand it there are many ways to go about it!

[kattytee]

This is amazing @Kurra! I really respect your ability to do that because it's exactly what depression does is tells you not to try... And I find it incredibly strong of you that you're able to try in the face of it all. Very wise and very challenging advice! x

[Kurra]

It's not easy @kattytee! It's taken me so long to get to this point. However if you can be really strict with yourself (the really hard part) it does work well or it certainly has for me. 💕🎶