Lived Experience Forum

[BryanaCamp]

hi @utopia, I got relief from depression & emotional numbness once I complained to my psychiatrist that I could feel nothing on the anti-depressant he had prescribed. He wisely prescribed me with a second anti-depressant and I feel much more now, including joy and enjoyment in things I previously enjoyed before I became mentally unwell.

I disagree with @Zoe7, in that I do not need to work to find joy, I need a second anti-depresssant. With this prescription I found the motivation and alive-ness to apply for work after 7 years of unemployment.

I guess every individual in different. For me the key was prescription medication and forcing my psychiatrist to help me in this way - complaining to my psychiatrist was a good thing.

[Zoe7]

Everyone is different but it took over 2 years and many med changes for me to get back to a place where I could go back to work @BryanaCamp You are lucky it only took an extra med for you but for me the journey to finding that one extra med was a difficult one with many side effects. Without those meds I could not even function every day so whilst returning to work was my ultimate goal there were many more smaller goals I had to achieve on the road there.

[utopia]

@BryanaCamp. Yes I had some meds added to my anti depressant a few months ago.  That's what has stopped the depression I believe. It's made a huge difference to how I feel. 

But now I need to get over this next hump so I can feel more like my old self again. 

Wonderful to hear that after 7 years,  you're now able to look for work again. 

[Appleblossom]

I think my take on it is

we need to incorporate the depressed self with the younger innocent self somehow ... 

Hope it lasts @utopia

I dont want to go back to being younger as there is also lot of pain and ignorance from those years ....

There has to be some plus from all that 

LIVED EXPERIENCE.

[utopia]

@Appleblossom. I don't want to go back to a younger time.  I can't even remember what normal is like.  I just know that how I'm feeling isn't normal yet. 

[Teej]

Hi @utopia 👋🏻. I’ve been thinking about this thread for a bit. I think I’m in @Zoe7 camp a bit. I have been told that I can never go back to my old self because things changed me so much. My brain is wired differently now. I only just told my psychiatrist during my last visit that I don’t feel joy any more. That everything seems like something to survive. I think though that it’s a little bit about teaching our brains again what joy is. I guess I think it’s about willingness and acceptance of the situation and looking for and appreciating the small moments of feeling ok and sometimes good. I think that setting small goals achieving them helps hugely when I can make that happen. 

Just a few nights ago ago I realised that there are some of the things from the old me that are still hard wired. There was a show on the history of variety shows in Australia. It took me back to a much younger time and I laughed out loud at things from Norman Gunston to Graham Kennedy. I’m not sure if this could happen for you because of meds or not. I just know that it just happened and I went with it. I know it wouldn’t be the same if I looked up YouTube stuff now. I don’t think you can plan joy, I think it just happens when you least expect it and it’s fleeting. This is all stuff that is from my heart and I haven’t researched it so it’s just my opinion.

I don’t remember who I was and it scares me sometimes but I know I have to find a new me, one that is accepting that it will take a long time of building small moments. Finding a new slant on things and being open for what happens.....which does suck when it’s bad stuff but occasionally there is ok. Well that’s my ramble. I I hope you find something resembling joy soon. 

[utopia]

@Teej. I watched that show and laughed at Graham Kennedy and a few others. 

So yes,  I guess I can feel joy sometimes . Just seems most of the time,  is nothing. 

[Appleblossom]

@utopia

I have only realised that I suffered a lot of "survivor's guilt".  I think I was unconsciously feeling that it was a betrayal of my "dead folk" to feel any pleasure in life. 

A psychiatrist asked me about 10 years ago, if I ever felt joy.  I could answer "yes" ...  fleeting little things often around garden, teaching and children.  I was surprised by her question, I had felt so depressed and despairing for so long (20 years). Her question opened a window, in which the word or thought of "joy" was allowed. 

Joyful feelings have grown a lot since then.  I am having a wonderful few weeks atm with the the rock camp and the opera.  

I am titrating down my meds and I am pretty sure it more to do with my life & feelings, choices, than the chemicals.

I am a believer that meds only assist healing processes and are not the core component.

[utopia]

So great to hear you are feeling so well these past few weeks @Appleblossom. 

Yes I agree.  Medication assists us in our journey with mental illness. It's not a cure. 

[Appleblossom]

@utopia