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Fighting

Just got into a really big fight with my younger brother who I am caring for. It's really sad because today is my first day in ages that I have had off work and we were going to have a fun brother sister day but now instead we have just finished a big fighting match and we are both in our rooms sending swearing texts at each other. Admittedly I started the fight about him constantly putting me down. Every time we have a difference of opinion he puts me down and makes me out to be really stupid and gives examples why. I usually just let it go but today I am tired and stressed and I couldn't stop myself being angry about it. I know I'm not the smartest person but it genuinely hurts my feelings, especially when I have essentially given up my whole life to look after him and he can't even consider my feelings. But I hate fighting with him and I get so afraid that he's going to get angry and just decide he's going to move back into where he used to live ( far away in a house full of boys who drink and do drugs every day.) it would be the biggest backwards step for him and he knows I'm really afraid of him leaving. He has used it as a threat a few times during previous arguments. I don't know whether I should apologise or whether that will just send the message that it's okay to scoff at me and put me down all the time. I also dont know if it's just me being sensitive and emotional because I'm stressed out. Any help welcome please

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Fighting

Hi sister, not sure of your specific circumstances but when my partner who I care for ruins my day and then sulks back and justifies it with 'you always hurt the one you love' it doesn't cut it. Especially when ( as it seems may have been the case for you today) you have been looking forward to a day off or making something special. Anyways, might be a good opportunity to try and have a calm conversation about boundaries, setting up house rules etc. you have to get him to acknowledge that your own mental health / serenity is valued too; and if u can't cope it will have adverse consequences for him. Just because people have mental health issues it is no excuse to bad behaviour ... If you've seen my post on advice needed bi polar partner you will know what I mean. Also is it worthwhile speaking to someone jointly? Cheers J

Re: Fighting

Hi Sister, sorry to hear about your argument, that sounds really difficult. I hope you can find a way to take some time out for yourself soon.

Re: Fighting

i agree with Jacob some what. Yes- arguments and debates are part of any relationship. But you need to have your house rules too. Caring for some one is a wonderful really nice thing for you to do- but if he goes off friends places who do terrible things to their mind and life ( drugs and excessive drinking i mean) then thats HIS choice- it would never be your fault. I learnt a good quote for fighting with a family member this past week: "i love you- but i dont like you right now" Smiley Wink i think its a good simple one any ways

Re: Fighting

Thankyou a lot for helping. I think it was just a little tiff but we are okay now. He actually gave me time to cool down, came up to my room knocked on the door and gave me a hug and apologised. I have never been more proud of him! !!!

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