11-01-2015 02:52 AM
This is my first post.
I have a 22 year daughter who is hell bent on taking her life, no amount of support, love, attention from us is making an ounce of difference. I have another daughter who is disabled with a condition that will eventually take her from us and she is desperate to live and then the other who is healthy but all she wants is to die?
We have been going through this for several years now, and just this week my mother died, we were on holiday in NZ with family, we had a private service on wednesday and we had to fly back Thursday. I am devastated and griefing the loss of my "Rock" and last night I found out my daughter went to commit suicide that very night. Not because my mother had died but because some idiot had rejected her and she has to be with him???? The police grabbed her and put her in the hospital psychic ward for 5 hours and then let her go home??? They never contacted us at all, we found out via friend of hers.
Are there any good support groups for families at their wits end?
We live in Brisbane.
11-01-2015 08:38 PM - edited 11-01-2015 08:49 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Things sound intensely overwhelming for you. Grief on top of worrying about your daughters. These three things are significant life stressors. I admire your strength in dealing with it.
May I ask what sort of supports have you got in place? Perhaps a family, friend or a counsellor that you can speak with? I strongly recommend talking to someone. On here is great, you can let things out. Writing can be helpful, it helps thinks things through when your thoughts are muddled.
I'm also wondering if your daughter (the 22 year old) has a formal diagnosis that she is being treated for? It might be an idea to work with her mental health team. You may also find getting in contact with Suicide Call Back Service useful too. I've used the service for a family member that I was worried about. They've got a lot of resources on their website as well and a helpline if you just want to chat with someone. I've attached the line below.
Please keep us up to date with how things are travelling along.
11-01-2015 09:01 PM - edited 11-01-2015 09:09 PM
Gosh, that's an aweful lot of stuff to deal with. As BeHappy mentioned, caring for two unwell daugthers, and grieving the loss of your mother are all significant life stressors. I'm glad that you are seeking support on here and asked for support services. You don't have to go through this alone.
Also, have you considered counselling for yourself? It can be helpful to speak to someone who is removed and can support you through this tough time. I think Medicare provides rebates for up to six counselling sessions. To access this, you can go to your GP and ask for a mental health assessment, who can then provide a referral to a psychologist. Do you have a GP that you are comfortable with? If not, you can look on the Beyond Blue wesbite for list of GP's who specialise or who have an interest in mental health. When you do book an appointment, book a longer session to go over your concerns.
At the moment, you are going through an intensely challenging time. So it's important to care for you too. It is possible to put things on hold in other areas of your life? Can you take some time out to care for you? Be it a coffee with a friend, or a walk to reflect on things? I understand that as a carer we tend to focus on the well-being of others but it's also important to care for your own well-being too.
11-01-2015 10:40 PM
Thank you everyone. My daughter has been seen a physchologist on and off since 2005. She spent 6 weeks in Belmont Hospital back in 2011, which didn't do a lot really, she just came empowered by people in there who had told her you are over 18 you don't have to tell your parents anything, so now we have no idea what is going on in her life. She is so close to losing her job as she is moody and is always off sick with anxiety or other issues. She refuse to allow her dad and I be a part of any sessions, when I ask how they went and what support she is getting I get the response "I'd rather not discuss my sessions they are personal". She hangs out with a bunch of total ............... and is obsessed with an idiot who uses her and takes her money, and physically abuses her but when i tried to offer support she denies it all and said he is good to her. I am trying to get her into another psychiatrist and have suggested head space several times. She is very selfish as in everything is about her and we should all jump as soon as she says. I do have good friends i can vent to I have managed to access her FB pages at times when she leaves it open and the things I read terrify me. She just writes continually I want to die, I want to die now, someone help me die, I don't want to be here, someone get me this drug or that drug. I dearly want to go to someone myself and just unload everything i know, have seen, read etc. What I find so hard is the lies. I can have the evidence sitting in my hand and she will flat out lie and say No.
Thanks everyone for listening
12-01-2015 10:09 PM
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. You really don't deserve all the additional stress.
It must be so hard to see all of this happening to your daughter. On top of the advice the others I have given, I would suggest keeping a journal of incidents and things you hear or read about your daughter, not to mention your own interactions. In a way these are like 'case files' on your daughter and the aim is to have as much info as possible to assist in any treatment when the time comes.
I'm not sure what the police would do - but I suggest that you call emergency services if you see a post on your daughters FB page or if she expresses her desire to end her life to you or if someone tells you she has expressed those thoughts to them. My approach is that if I report it enough, something will happen. Sometimes this approach doesn't work and other times it does. At the very least, it goes on record and can help mount a case to get her more support.
I'm really glad you have your friends to vent to. It's so important. Formal supports, such as counsellors and support groups are also really important.
I find this forum a great online version of a face to face support group - so I hope you continue to pop in and treat us like one of your friends.
All the best - Eagle
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