Lived Experience Forum

[chookmojo]

Hi @DefiantPanda

I am one of those people who has always embraced my diagnoses. I loved being able to recognise myself and relate to the descriptio,I loved knowing that there was a name for what I experienced, I loved the sensation of ground under my feet: it gave me a place to stand while I worked things out. I have always felt like "other", like I wasn't quite right and didn't fit in. Lost and on the outside, my reactions to the world were always wrong. Each diagnosis explained a little more, included me in another group of people who could understand, gave me a label that wasnt just being wrong or bad  or a failure. 

They also allowed me to learn and Learn, and learn about my conditions, and to work on them, trying out all kinds of different approaches over the last 25 years. Learning what worked for me, getting a solid repertoire of coping mechanisms, getting help and support in places like this.

My most recent diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum has been genuinely life changing in an incredibly positive way.

[DefiantPanda]

@Appleblossom sometimes I wonder what all the latest types of psychotherapy would be like... I think I might not like them anyway being so stubborn and independent. But yeah definitely would not be able to access them in any case. I have met friends lately who have had access to private mental health hospitals and really cutting edge therapies and the like but at the end of the day they still have their diagnoses and battles to fight just as we all do here. I think mine may be drug induced also but again, who can really say? There's no objective test anyway, it's all subjective. That bothers me too. What if they are wrong? Anyways stop myself rambling here by saying thanks for the well wishes.

[DefiantPanda]

@chookmojo I'm really glad to hear that the diagnosis has changed your life for the better. And I agree talking to others in forums and self help groups etc is really, really vital - otherwise you just feel so isolated and strange. I am active in a few social anxiety groups as well as I find I can relate to them and like you I just felt very happy to be able to relate to those people, and to fit in with them. It really does the world of good.

[Appleblossom]

Yes I think it is a huge point regardless of diagnosis we still have to live with whatever our particular type of baggage is.

[peace]

Hi @DefiantPanda for me getting a correct diagnosis gives me something that I can work with. For instance its no point working thru BPD if I am really suffering from mood disorders. A correct medication makes a whole lot of difference also, believe me. In saying all that I do think it is an individual's right and also how often do the doctors get it wrong.

[chookmojo]

Oh my goodness, I have a perfect example of how my ASD diagnosis has improved my life that JUST happened.

I got an unexpected not entirely pleasant shock at work about my desk being moved from a quiet office to a very busy open plan area and responded by communicating in a way that I didn't realise was fairly inappropriate till I was getting VERY SERIOUS "Manager" tone of voice and facial expression from my boss.

The interaction concluded and I replayed it in my mind and realised that I had come across as being very troublesome, presumptuous and even slightly aggressive all without intending to at all.

This immediately made me freak out thinking "What will she think of me?!! Oh god I have made a horrible impression, there's no way she'll renew my contract now! What can I do?"

So I made a list of things I could do, one of which was apologise, which I then did by email (a safer medium when I am rattled and after having just barged into her office!) and explained that I could see now that my communication was inappropriate and that it was as a result of ASD rather than intention to be troublesome or rude or scary.

Now I feel like, "Well that was embarassing but no lasting harm done. I will trust that over the long term my behaviour will show this to be an anomoly".

In the past I would have been freaking out and beating myself up for ages assuming I had screwed up hugely, for no reason other than I was 'useless', or 'hopeless' and so on. I have QUIT jobs because of things like this, because I couldn't face coming back after 'such a huge screw up'.

[DefiantPanda]

You make a very compelling point @chookmojo as I find myself doing the same thing, but in social situations. I have to say to friends I am sorry I acted so paranoid the other day, I am just paranoid. Please don't take it personally, I'm very sorry. But I feel that if I said this to them and added to it that I have schizophrenia, they would think I was someone who could never be trusted again 😞

But I am glad to hear that it works out for you and that you don't have to quit jobs anymore because of it 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Dear @DefiantPanda schizophrenia is one of those super scary words to use in conversation. I havent mastered the art of when to say it or not to say it. I have read some websites where a poet/schizophrenic talks about her friends and I wonder is she is very lucky as usually it goes along with isolation. Mostly I try to avoid using the word but sometimes it slips out.

Two weeks ago I said in choir that I didnt want to "seem paranoid" ... as one nice lady was smoothing over my struggles with a particularly boisterous and ambitious lady who wants to be queen of all the beehives and who has been throwing down the gauntlet to me .. when all I asked was for her to gently with me .... But I am annoyed with myself ... as then I am saying that what was happening wasnt happening ... still havent worked out that situation ... talked about it a bit to the president of the choir ... promised to deal with it after concert ... but have put a deadline ... end of year concert so I dont get strung along endlessly.

paranoia ... means knowledge or experience of fear ... it shouldnt necessarily be a fault ...yes we can get super sensitive and reactive to others but I have seen the same paranoid behaviour in those not diagnoses with schizophrenia ... and they often stick to their guns about the perceived threat. There is no one right way to deal with interpersonal stuff ..

Good Luck

[DefiantPanda]

It's interesting you say that @Appleblossom as I have had a tendency in the past to deny myself the right to be angry at another's actions towards me in the name of 'paranoia' however of late I am trusting my intuition and accepting things as (I see them: as they are) instead of constantly trying to rewrite reality (denying my perceptions) and it has lessened the fear I feel to a great extent.

In any case I would never tell my friends I have anything other than depression and anxiety because to me it would be discrediting myself. I am sorry to anyone who may read this who has that label as I don't mean any offence to you but I'm just going by my past as I have been mistreated in emergency rooms and by certain health professionals and I don't want to wear it anymore. Much easier to be a deeply troubled yet somewhat normal person than to admit to the world that I suffer delusions and paranoia on a daily basis.

[Appleblossom]

You make the call that works best for you ... its your confidential information and your right to privacy @DefiantPanda.

A doctor once posted a thread on this site that said its important we dont let on that we struggle with MI as that just gives others' leverage to put one over us .. sometimes I think there is something to that. Its a balancing act.