Lived Experience Forum

[annas100]

I have schizophrenia, I am now well and medicated, my husband has been my carer for 5 years, after a year he sent me to work 60 hours a week in his business. He has only worked a few days in the last 3 years. I am tired, he tells me he no longer loves me, but wants me to stay working so he can support our 13 year old son. How can I get out of this situation. We have lived apart for two and half years... he says he may want me back in 5 years.. I am confused!

[CherryBomb]

Hi @annas100,

From what you've written it seems that you're carrying a heavier load than your husband, and that things are not very mutual between the two of you. 

Can I ask if you're foresee an (intimate) relationship with him? I ask this because you mentioned that he might want to get back with you in five years - are you considering sticking it out?

If you are wanting to stick out, what do you need from him to make things feel ok?

[annas100]

No, I am not continuing the relationship, I just need to clarify that he doesn't want me to leave him because he gets a carers payment, which pays the mortgage, which houses my son, while I live away from him, with little to no contact

[CherryBomb]

@annas100 thanks for clarifying that for me. 

Could you tell me, in an ideal world, what would like to happen?

[annas100]

Ideally, I would be able to continue my studies so I can get a job away from my husband, he does not pay me, he pays my rent. I would like to continue to see my son each week. I just know if I upset what is happening now, he could loose his home and he tells me he and my son would end up living in a caravan.

[JoseJones]

@annas100, you must feel quite hemmed in by these circumstances, especially when you think about the prospect of your son living in a caravan!  Can you tell us a bit more about your husband's situation?  Would he be able to work if it came down to it?  It sounds like you're carrying the burden of work in quite an unequal way at the moment.

[Former-Member]

Hi there,

sounds really unfair that you have the burdon of the house that your ex lives in.... If you are not living together he shouldnt be getting a carer pension but a single parent (if he qualifies). I feel as though he is taking advantage of you... 

Hope you are ok,

LJ

[annas100]

My husband owns a bsiness, it doesn't make alot of money, he is trying to sell it. I know he is taking advantage of the situation, I just don't know what to do about it. I am fragile, it is difficult just showering and brushing my hair... I feel like I could'nt be bothered.

I feel he has had enough of me, although its been two and half years, I don't ask for anything... I can understand he has had enough, dealing with me some years ago was difficult and he stuck by me for that period.

He is doing the right thing and focusing on our son, I have him 4 days a week with me.

I just don't want to continually be the source of income, its been twenty three years of this.

My original diagnosis was battered wife syndrome then schitzophrenia, I am treated for the latter and its working for me.