Lived Experience Forum

[Thegirl]

Hey all- guess im just wanting to get my thoughts out and try alleviatr some of the pain...

So me and my partner of almost 2 years broke up in June. He broke up with me 2 days before my final exam of my complete uni degree, simply saying he forgot about it... his reason was that he needs to work on himself, he doesn't love me the same and needs to make himself happy. Which i understood, so i let him go, forgave him and did my best to move things.

Now I've just found out that today, 2 months after we broke up, he is now in an official relationship with some other girl. And i just don't understand how he so easily disregarded everything we had.

In December i moved in with him and his family, we were talking about home loans and joint bank acocunts, just 3 months ago we went on a romantic holiday for our birthdays.. and now it seems like nothing.

I feel like a fool for feeling like he loved me, it hurts me so much. Makes me angry and i just don't know where to go from this. I know this is trivial compared to alots of other peoples issues, but I've just felt so much pain and don't understand how the person i loved forgets about me in under 2 months.

I have no clarity, we haven't talked in months and im feeling broken and used.

[pip]

@Thegirl. I can hear the pain you're in. It would appear he's lied to you in order to 'move on'. Some people feel lying is better than honesty. I would say your ex is in that category. Perhaps in his mind, you were in the middle of some pretty heavy stuff, final exams etc, he felt that by being honest with you, then, would do you more damage. Hate to say this, but I wonder how long he'd been seeing this other girl before ending it with you. Maybe she gave him an ultimatum, tell you, or forget her. I would say he did genuinely love you, but somehow, somewhere he's met her and, as I said, she's told him to 'own up' about what's happening. The pain you're in, coupled with the pressure you've been under with exams has obviously been severe. You're angry because he's lied, he's cheated, you feel a fool believing him. You are actually better off without him (I know you don't want to hear that), but if you had stayed with him, could you have trusted him. It's possible he would've been unfaithful to you repeatedly. I doubt this new gf will last, he will no doubt find someone else once the 'newness' wears off this relationship.

[Thegirl]

@pip absolutely right! That's the most heart breaking part to know all the lies that have been part of this story. And somehow I'm the only one that seems to be hurting.
But thank you for your kind words. Slowly im seeing the clarity of things. At the moment it's just a complete mesd of emotions.

[Acacia]

Hi @Thegirl

Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I hope it helped to get your thoughts out.

It’s hard to see an ex-partner start a relationship with someone else. As @pip says, I’m sure that he did love you and hasn’t forgotten about you – it sounds like you were a big part of each other’s lives when you were together, so you will both always have those memories. I know that probably doesn’t make it any easier though.

Do you have good support around you at the moment, such as friends and family you can talk to?

@gemini42 has also recently been through a break up and has received some useful tips from @utopia and @Former-Member here. Feel free to add to their discussion; or perhaps they might have something to add here.