Lived Experience Forum

[riley]

Hi @Mosaic and @pip your a bit of the mark but thanks for the input.

[brisjason]

has avoident personality disorder been hurt so much i avoid befriending people and dont make effort to keep few friends i have

[Former-Member]

Hi @riley,

my understanding from research into personality disorders is that there is a genetic predisposition to them but the environment is equally important in developing them. From my own perspective I look at my family. If my grandmother had been alive today maybe she would have a similar diagnosis to me but her childhood was very different to mine so it's difficult to draw conclusions. Looking at my children knowing that they were raised by two people carrying undiagnosed MI for most of their childhood I can see that only one of my four kids may have some issues but they are not affecting him to a detrimental level yet. With BPD emotion regulation is the key issue. I believe that one of mine will struggle more as he gets older with emotion regulation because I have been unable to teach him this effectively. So with me having 2 personality disorders and having raised my children without their biological father who left them when they were 5,4,3 and 8 months who are now 16- 21 years I can say that there is hope they won't be affected. There are definite gaps in their emotional learning and things they'll have to learn and adapt better but so far so good. I understand your concern for that specific PD but I can't see that it is a high risk if your daughter has many influences and supports in her life. School has been such a good support for my kids and helped them I think to fill in some of the gaps as did their friends and friends families. I hope this helps. 

[riley]

 Hi @Former-Member remember me ? Yes I think my little girl will be ok, she has half my genes and is often around my family and friends who are very loving and accepting. I was reluctant to put this out there but thought it might reach someone who also knew someone with ASPD and the affect it had on them and how they dealt with it.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Just saying hi @brisjason ....

Hearing you ....

Wannt to talk some more about it ?

@riley

That's definitely part of what the forums are about ... we're all learning here ....

[Former-Member]

Yes I remember you @riley😊 (from my elephant post) I totally understand you wanting to connect with someone about this. That's what I was looking for myself too. I think one of the things to be careful of though is that you find the balance between looking too hard at things your daughter does to find connections (which may not be there) and being aware of connections if that makes sense. In the last few years I have diagnosed with my kids with everything😳 being an overthinker. However if I look at them now and they are all achieving I am very grateful that they have avoided many huge potential potholes. Here's hoping your daughter does too. Also hoping you find some more specific information as well💜😊

[Faith-and-Hope]

It's the same for me in that regard @riley and @Former-Member ....

Particularly with what is happening with my husband now, and the mi issues within the wider family circles, I am now looking at what my kids are going through and hoping they are going to come out the other side okay ..... hoping the nurturing is enough, even if they have genetic predisposition, to avoid the potholes themselves, as @Former-Member has said ...

It is disconcerting not having a diagnosis over my husband yet.  Although the e.d. Is bl**dy obvious to anyone in the know .... it is becoming clearer and clearer that there is likely something underlying that that needs treatment, perhaps ongoing medication ... so you can end up jumping at shadows with the kids and fearing something that might not ever eventuate because you can see behaviour patterns or personality traits that are potentially problematic.

I think it is so important to just keep grounding the kids .... and talking about what is happening, but not too much .... it can't become the complete focus, but can't be ignored either.

If you're having trouble finding the balance @riley, seek out support services.  The mods here might be able to direct you to some too.

[Former-Member]

PS @riley in answer to the question I missed from you on my post as I was so anxious that day I definitely believe we need to learn to live alongside of the elephants😊