Lived Experience Forum

[GentleRobot]

Hello. 
This is my first post. 

To share a little…

through negative ‘experiences’ I learned things about myself that were untrue. 
What I mean is that through being mistreated, I ended up believing that I got treated that way because somehow that was about me, or that I deserved that abuse. 

After those lies got embedded inside me, I saw myself and my life through that lens. 

I found it was hard to believe in myself when no one else did. 

After 20 years of building myself up, I’d like to take what I’ve learned and help others. 

Does anyone relate with what I wrote above? 

thanks

[Jynx]

I think that's not uncommon at all @GentleRobot, blaming yourself or otherwise internalising other people's treatment of you - especially if this occurred in early childhood. Very hard to believe in oneself if no one else does, for sure. 

How about nowadays, do you believe in yourself more now? 

Love that you wanna share what you've learned, and I'm sure many here would love to hear it!

[GentleRobot]

Hi Jynx!

I’ve recently started experiencing moments when I felt ‘normal’ or ‘okay’ recently. It’s taken me about 30 years to get there, but it’s a start. 

I jokingly shared with a friend recently that I had ‘normal person’ conversations (or brief verbal exchanges.)

I think because I’m now starting to believe in myself how I need to, others are starting to approach me. Prior to now, I think people knew not to approach me. I suspect I gave off ‘loner’ vibes. I probably seemed creepy to some people too. That was tough, but I get I might have appeared that way when I couldn’t engage. 

Im amazed when I experience those little breakthroughs and be able to connect again.

Thanks for asking. 

[Jynx]

Aww sounds like amazing progress @GentleRobot!! (PS type the @ symbol and choose or type a name from the drop down if you want to tag other members and notify them you've replied!)

Yeah people are actually pretty good at picking up on stuff like social anxiety, insecurities, or desperation in others - even if we can't quite put our finger on it! It sounds like you've worked really hard on yourself, on believing in yourself, and it is paying off! It gets easier with time as well. Took me about 25 years myself, but I'm getting there! 

You're welcome friend! I'm off for tonight, but I hope I'll catch you round the forums again! 😁

[MayaBird07]

Hi @GentleRobot 

I can definitely relate.. for the longest time I didn't think I deserved to be happy, or be worthy of love and respect. I found It is difficult to change those thoughts when they have been drummed into you from birth and It is very hard to believe in and validate yourself when you feel like nobody else does.

It is great that you have been able to build yourself up and you want to help others. Its those with lived experience that seem to want to help others avoid the suffering. 

Thank you for sharing and good luck on your journey... you are definitely not the only one who feels 'not right'. 🙂