Lived Experience Forum

[DIZ710]

My first experience with Bipolar was at age 11. I got so angry that I started ripping off my bedroom cupboard doors and then proceeded to scream at the top of my lungs whilst ripping out handfuls of my hair. My mother completely ignored this. I tried to slash my wrists a short time later and I was placed into Mental health care for 3 months. At age 13 I ran away from home and never returned. I lived on the streets and eventually ended sleeping around to be able to have a roof on my head. There were many episodes in this time but I will not go into these as it will take to long.

I had my first chilld at age 18, then another 2 by 23yrs, I became really unwell (attempted suicide) and ended up in Graylands Hospital where they diagnoised me with Personality Disorder, I was kept there for 3 months. During this time I lost all rights to see my children. I was repeatedly arrested until I finally went to prison.

3 years ago I again attempted suicide as I felt I could not longer go on. It was at this time that Iwas finally diagnoised with Bipolar Type II and was finally placed on medication.

Things have improved but I still have times where I lose it.

I hate this disorder and sometimes just wished I was dead,

[Former-Member]

Im so sorry to read about your life until now. You've been through a lot 😞 you must be a really strong and resilient woman.
I'm glad that you've found these forums, were s mixed motley crew who are very supportive and welcoming of each other. I'm glad that things have improver for you, let's us know if there's anything you want to chat about or share!
Take care
Lj

[Fancy_Pants]

Hello @DIZ710,

Welcome to the forums!!!

Thank you for sharing your story, it does sound like a very hard turmultuous road and as Lisajane said you must be very resiliant to still keep going 

Are you able to see your children now?

Is there anything that you think may make it easier to live with this disorder? 

Any advice that you would like to ask of others on the forum? Or could give to others based on your own significant experience? 

[MoonGal]

Hi @DIZ710 - Welcome, I have been here a few weeks now and am lovin; the forums and community here. What a hard time you have had, it is great you are here and sharing though. I live with bi polar II (and a few other challenges) and can tootally relate at how tough it is, suicide attempts, hospitalisations, in and out of lock up as I was really angry and violent through my late teens and 20's. I was also taking mood altering drugs and slef-medicating with alcohol, prescription and over the counter meds. My life was such a mess, and ... it got better. Its not all easy and its not all bad, some days are really tough.

Glad you have come here, there is a reallynice bucnh of people here who relate. We are not alone.

Do you have support to recognise some of the things that might flip you into losing it?

[AlienBP2]

Diz710
To have this disorder at such s young age is realley tuff it's bad enough to be be diagnosed with this in mid life..,( like me)
What you need to do is self monitor yourself .,, if you start talking too much behaving impulsively ( such as spending lots of money) feeling very restless and "jumpy"..,,
Then you should realise you are on a high
If you are dragging yourself around cant do anything becoming anti social snd want to isolate yourself .,.you are obviously on a lowOnce you realise this you will be able to work out where you are,,,,I you feel rock solid and calm function well then you are in the normal zone..,,
By monitering yourself you will be able to be aware of what you need to be on guard for....impulsiveness ....so try not to make magor decisions watch your spending and what you say and do
See your Dr if not happy with him maybe get another Dr that you feel you can communicate well with....
Make sure your medication
If your medication is giving you bad side affects discus this with your Dr ...,good luck with and feel free to discuss further with me and will try to help you

[eth]

Welcome @DIZ710 I also live with bipolar and have survived suicide attempt.  I will be happy to give you support anytime.  Life can only get better sometimes.  I really like the advice about monitoring yourself, that's the main way I manage.  If you google Wellness Recovery Action Plan you can download and print charts to monitor mood, sleep and medication.  I find them very good, especially at times when I notice things are changing and I'm going up or down.  Then I have lists of things to do in either case that will help me stay more balanced.  And lists of triggers to mood change that I have recognised and need to manage or avoid. Of course finding appropriate meds that are working for me has helped a lot too and I think it's important to be compliant with them but also assertive with your Drs if you think the meds aren't helping enough/in the right way.

I hope some of this helps you.  There is hope to be more stable but sometimes it feels like a long road and it takes effort every day.

[DIZ710]

Hi Eth
Thank you. I am sorry you too have had a hard road in this life. I am glad that you For those of us who have to live with the pain, despair, loneliness, fear, anger, loss and regret of this condition , we have to be strong. My advice is to find the one thing that you love so much that you would do anything in your power to protect. For me it is my children and my husband. I would give my life to protect theirs and it is this that keeps me fighting my own personal war (me against my bipolar). I have chosen to not let my condition to control my life but to embrace the the good aspects of it like the times that I get over excited because I am manic. Also I do not hide the fact that I have bipolar, instead I have decided that it is part of the reason that I am the person I am. I tell my new friends that I have bipolar and they are either going to accept it or not. If they don't, I don't believe that they we're meant to be a part of my life. People will either accept you as you are or they won't. This is not your problem but theirs because they are missing out on a fun, loving, truthful friend.

[DIZ710]

Thank you for your advice and offer if help. I thankfully have worked out my cycles and have learnt to control them as best I can. I still manage to do and say stuff that is probably not considered normal but I have decided that people either accept me for who I am craziness and all or they don't .