Hi @Seren, I was in a similar situation to you 27yrs ago and my son turned out just fine. I had had a major breakdown 2yrs before (same labels as you after 4months in hospital). I got preg to a predictor, had no real support, was frightened I wouldn't cope or get PND or even harm the child ... I truly know the frightening things that go through the mind - they're just thoughts, you get to devide which ones to pick out focus or take action on. So - I mentioned my concerns to my antinatal team and they organised a nurse to do home visits after the baby was born, my only visitor, for a long while which was reassuring in some respects. I was so lonely too.
Over the years i learned theres a few 'natural' things you can do for yourself re depression instead of pills. Things that stimulate endorphins and serotonin...
(1) eat healthy
(2) drink lots of quality filtered water
(3) 40min walk a day, in sunshine and fresh air, and swim once a week, do TaiChi or yogo
(4) Hot refined Coco drink
(5) avoid sugar and diet drinks )
(6) relaxation or meditation exercises
(7) build up support network - psychologist, support group of similar interests
(8) get into Hobbies you like..
There really is so much we can do for ourselves. Each of the above things are subtle but all add up and you will notice the difference even just doing a few. And you have mother nature on your side - all those 'feel good' hormones kicking in soon and a powerful urge to nurture and protect your baby. Trust you'll be OK, and by the way - congratulations!
Its so exciting, having a baby, they are such little darlings. Start buying little things for the nursery - this always gave me a lift. You'll know instinctively what to do - trust that inner voice. You're gonna be OK you know.
As for the father - I haven't met a man yet that quite 'gets' the pregnancy thing. Its not until the physical presence and interactions of the bany are obvious to them that the penny starts to drop. Try not to let this get to you, or read into it too much as they do get there, just a bit slower, poor blokes, and I'm sure he loves you just the same. He might be concerned about how it will work out too, especially if you're shakey, give it time. Stay strong, just you and God, ponder things in a positive light. Worry, or being anxious about everything just drains you dry - let go what you can't control, stay in the present moment more.
This beautiful gift you have growing inside you, what I joy! (I love babies buy the way, can ya tell lol, I was even a midwife in my better years, all those gorgeous babies). I use to talk to my growing babies inside and tell them to 'hang in there' - reassure them things are fine, we'll work it out and i cant wait to meet you... And i'd hum sweet songs. Grab yaself a rocking chair if you can and start self soothing for practise.
You'll know what to do. I wish you all the very best by the way, one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself! xox
