Battles

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I guess there's many reasons why we may not have much of a connection with our biological families.  Whatever the reason, I think it's just kind of sad.  Its the group of people we're born into and should always be a part of.  It should be home... A place of safety and comfort.  But clearly, it doesn't always work out that way.  It's hard to replace.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 there's definitely many reasons and it's very sad that some of us don't have those connections. It's a horrible feeling knowing that you weren't born into a family that wanted you and that you've been denied the most basic needs as a human. It's something we as humans need in life and for various reasons we have been denied. That love, connection, safety, comfort and understanding from those that should have been there to care for us is so important for becoming a healthy adult. It's not hard to replace, it seems impossible. I can really hear how painful it is for you to not have that connection and I wish things were different for you cos you deserve all the support in the world right now. Know that you aren't alone and I'm here for you, I know it's not the same but I'll always do my best to make you feel heard, valued, cared for and supported through everything ♥️. 

I've just spent the past few hours while I've been in and out of sleep dealing with phone calls from police and the ambulance service. It's just great fun over here, slight sarcasm there. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

There was a short video in the course that I'm doing about trauma.  It said that humans are pretty good at dealing with trauma... the problem comes with the loss of a feeling of safety after if there is no support received.  He used the example of a child bitten by a dog.  Usually the parent/s will pick the child up, tend the wounds, and comfort them.  The child may become a cat person, but they maintain a sense of being safe because the parent gave them that.  So there is little long term emotional damage from a traumatic event.  So it's not the traumaic event itself that does the damage, but the lack of support resulting in a loss of feeling safe after the even that causes the damage.  Coping mechanisms are formed to feel safe and they become a normal part of the behaviour.  Eventually though these become detrimental to our development because we come to rely completely on them for any sense of safety.  It made a lot of sense to me.  As someone who has dealt with far more trauma, I'm just curious to what you think.  You don't have to answer if course, I know your dealing with a lot and may not be in the mood for thinking about these things

I do want to thank you for your kind words.  I really appreciate it.  The same for listening to all my rants and whinges.  I do feel like you're the last person I should be complaining to, but you understand so much.

Life is never dull at your place is it?  Seriously though, I hope everything is okay.  I know better than to ask for details but I know you have so much thrown at you recently that it's hard not for people to be concerned about how you're coping.  So I hope the calls weren't about anything new going badly you have to deal with

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 ok, so this is a sensitive subject for both of us. Love the example that he used and it's very true that if support and that sense of safety is offered and received after a traumatic event it can minimise the long term damage. However it's not always the case as we both know, we have had to learn how to deal with things ourselves with little or no support. I learnt coping strategies from a very young age but that came at a cost to myself (self harming), I also put myself in far from ideal situations in order to feel a sense of safety. I have been through alot of trauma and I've been left with no support or if I have found support it's been ripped away from me cos of someone that thinks I'm undeserving of any support. So even now I struggle to cope with trauma and I tend to go back to those behaviours that are detrimental cos it's all I've ever known and it's the only way I've been able to keep going when things get bad. 

I don't see it as complaining, it's sharing your story and your struggles. I'm glad to be here to listen to your rants and whinges and to share this journey with you. Plus we seem to be able to relate to each other alot which I think really helps to have that common ground.

It's really never dull here 😂. Let's just say I'm not coping. A service that I spoke to made a report about my safety but it wasn't actually warranted. So after several phone calls the ambulance service was satisfied that it was not necessary for them to attend and that this service got their information mixed up. Of course it's going to have repercussions, so that's what I'll be left to deal with now. 

Anyway what's on your agenda today? I'm trying to find the energy to move from my bed, but my head hurts and I just feel blah. I need someone to make me my iced coffee and bring me some happy pills 😂. 

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 also wanted to add that as a child i was never offered that care after being hurt. Rather i was told to get over it and that it wasn't that bad, I was met with it being treated as a competition and having to compete with who had it worse. So because I was sexually assaulted this person tried to say that they suffered worse things (even though it was a lie) just to belittle how i was feeling and what was happening. Like I was never allowed to feel what would come naturally (pain, sadness, anger,  fear), I had to always feel how they wanted me to feel, so i had to brush everything off and pretend that I was ok and happy and safe. The damage that's done to me now is indescribable, I struggle to feel emotions and sometimes the emotions that I do feel aren't appropriate for the situation. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I'll reply in full later.  I'm just on my way out to meet up with someone from my support group.  I offered to chat to him as he's had a tough time this week with his home life.  So we're going to sit down at (hopefully, still) sunny Brighton and have a chat.  I still have 24 minutes to get there, so plenty of time 😁

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 hope the catch up goes well and that he is doing ok. You're such a good person. I'm being forced to go for a walk, not happy 😂

[tyme]

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@Dreamy wrote:

@tyme i got a question for you. Not sure if it's an easy one to answer but it's kind of bugging me. 

Is it normal for a crisis service to ask for specific details about an incident. Like being sexually and physically assaulted and pressing for as much detail as possible, like going into great detail about what was done to me. It's really just triggered me and I feel like I'm reliving the whole incident again.

@Jynx @Ru-bee @rav3n @MJG017 

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Hey @Dreamy ,

I'm sorry if this happened to you.

One thing is, depending on the crisis line, they may be trained volunteers, but not necessarily trauma trained. And I'm guessing they weren't  mental health clincians either?

I wonder if this is feedback you can provide the organisation?

[Dreamy]

@tyme thanks for your reply, it was LL. 

[tyme]

Hey @Dreamy ,

Definitely worth providing feedback. It may be helpful for the future - even if it's not for you, it's for others too. 

No pressure at all though. I hear how hard it can be. Please look after yourself.