Battles

[MJG017]

@rav3n 

It's full time, but mostly online.  As far as I know, our support group is the only one like it in Australia so there's definitely a 'gap in the market' there.

Good night and take care to you as well.

[Dreamy]

Hi @Jynx, how's your day going? 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy managed to sort my meds, so pretty good! Cept I had bloody workmen coming to the house - I mean, I'm not mad about getting my gas and electircal checked cos like.... fires are bad! But also.... you're in my personal space, strange man!! 😂

How's you? I saw that you had a super nice experience with LL last night, that warms me to hear!

[Dreamy]

@Jynx glad you got your meds sorted out. Icky to having someone in your personal space though, like I know they have a job to do but still just makes one feel uncomfortable. 

I'm not holding up ok at the moment, it's just one bad thing after another and it's not stopping 😞. Yeah I had a good experience for once which was nice and needed in that moment. 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy aww hun, I'm sorry to hear it. I know yesterday's stress is probably gonna be lingering hey. Just this... big horrible pile of ick built up in your life hey. 

What do you think would be most helpful right now hun? Happy to sit with ya 💜

[Dreamy]

@Jynx wasn't able to get any more info on the ridiculous debt I seem to have as the person isn't in at the moment. Rang the place again to try to sort out the ndis thing and was told the person would ring me today and yet again they haven't. The other place that's really important still hasn't contacted me back. Then I went to the shops just before, got my shopping that I needed and went to pay only for my card to be declined, so there i was standing there almost in tears and having a panic attack cos there should have been enough left for my shopping. Things are heading down a dangerous path, I can feel it within myself and I don't like it. I don't know what to do anymore, it's too much for one person to handle 😞.

[Jynx]

I would have DEFINITELY cried too @Dreamy that is so rough. And I'm sorry that so many people/services are... not just letting you down, consistently letting you down. THE WORST.

I'm hearing you hun, that you're worried about things getting darker. I'm sitting with you, and sending many hugs your way 🫂🫂

Reckon connecting to LL again might be on the cards for this evening? 

[Dreamy]

@Jynx I just feel like I don't deserve to be helped, that I don't matter at all to anyone. It really hurts, like I'm trying so hard to sort things out and get support but it's just not happening. 

Things are already dark and my head space is so messed up, it's so scary knowing how easy it is for me to lose that control and that's the point where it's at. I'm trying so hard to just hang in there but that thread that I'm hanging by is starting to fray and it's not going to hold me much longer. 

I'm waiting to chat to LL at the moment but I just don't feel there's much of a point when they can't really do anything. 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy you matter SO MUCH hun, especially to us here, but to the world as well. I hope the darkness in your mind isn't so dark that it clouds that truth.

When things have been this dark in the past, what's been most helpful? What would be your 'sign' that things are hitting crisis point you reckon? 

You been able to focus on your colouring at all? 

[Dreamy]

@Jynx the darkness really is clouding that I'm afraid. 

When things have gotten to this point, I've taken things too far (don't worry I'm trying to fight that). That sign is already there hence the reaching out to LL. That fear of being right on the edge is scary and overwhelming. 

I'm trying to colour but focusing is nearly impossible.