@Jynx I just feel like I don't deserve to be helped, that I don't matter at all to anyone. It really hurts, like I'm trying so hard to sort things out and get support but it's just not happening. 

Things are already dark and my head space is so messed up, it's so scary knowing how easy it is for me to lose that control and that's the point where it's at. I'm trying so hard to just hang in there but that thread that I'm hanging by is starting to fray and it's not going to hold me much longer. 

I'm waiting to chat to LL at the moment but I just don't feel there's much of a point when they can't really do anything.