Battles

[MJG017]

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@Dreamy wrote:

I saw this and straight away thought of you ❤️

 

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@Dreamy  Thank you, i really love that.  It probably says a lot about me the the line i identified with the most was "The broken soul who stared at the stars". 

I think we do tend to focus on helping others when we can't help ourselves.  It may because because it's out of our control, or we don't think we a worthy... or a bit of both.  Or do we just give up after trying so hard and so long to fix ourselves that we need to find an outlet now for all that care now that we're not giving it to ourselves?  I wonder if subconsciously, we go through so much without anyone helping us, it just becomes far too painful to see the same thing potentially happening to anyone else.  Like we can't fix ourselves, not from want of trying, but damned if we're going to watch someone else suffer.

I was reading the last few posts.  Are you feeling any better now?  I'll be here for while playing my game if you want to chat.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 yes that line actually hit me pretty hard. There's just something about staring at the night sky that seems to bring a sense of peace. 

You really nailed it all there, like I've tried so hard to fix my own problems that I've all but given up cos everything has failed. But be dammed if I'm going to watch someone else suffer and be hurt, I'll do anything possible to help them. Noone deserves to go through this sort of sh!t, it shouldn't be happening.

I'm still not feeling great, I've managed to have a few sips of water. Just completely overwhelmed with the thoughts/urges, flashbacks and anxiety/panic. It's all happening at once and not a single thing seems to be able to calm me or ground me or keep me in the present. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I know exactly what you mean.  I think ive talked about it here, but i used to love just laying outside and starting at the stars.  It was more than just a love of space as a kid, it was like staring up at the universe i felt a part of something.  That was always powerful to me, even as a little kid because i never feel a part of anything here on Earth.  I still struggle to.

Yeah 😥 There's so much bad stuff happening to people for no good reason and it just should not be able to happen!  So by helping others, i think it gives us a sense of power that we could never find for ourselves.  Like trying to find some light in the darkness.  Some days just getting through to the end is hard enough, but to find energy and strength to help others on days like that shows something not many people have.

You would know far more about these grounding techniques than me, so I don't really have any thing else to suggest.  Any you know me... if i can't think of anything to suggest, I'll suggest something anyway 😁  Maybe the trick for you is not to get in the present.  Maybe it's to stay in the past but go to happy times.  Like thinking of the times with your dogs, or even playing with those kittens yesterday.  Make those memories your little oasis's of peace.  If you mind wants to go back, try to take it there instead.  I sort of do this when i'm really being troubled mentally.  Not to the extent of yours by any means, but i do like to imagine i'm back somewhere happy and not remember it, but go back there.  Think of myself there and doing the things i could do if i was back there.  So more like i'm living it but i can only see and hear and feel with my mind.  I just like being there when i'm feeling depressed, down or stressed.  I've done it ever since i was a kid, so i've had a lot of practice.  But maybe it will help you a little as well. 

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 yes we have spoken about it before, the night sky is just beautiful to stare at and I can find myself lost in the moment. You are definitely a part of the world and a big part of the forums ❤️.

Some days feel impossible and I look back and even I'm unsure how I made it through. Helping others definitely gives that power of control, my life is so out of control that I don't even try much anymore to help myself. 

That's a big struggle for me cos in all the years that I've suffered trauma the good memories have all but faded away. Even when I try to focus on positives, it's like I can't find anything but then I'm just flooded with negatives. I got asked yesterday if I could remember good memories of growing up and there's like a few only enough to count on one hand but even they are tainted with bad things. 

I give up on trying to get ndis, this place won't ring me back despite 2 times now of making a time and them not making contact when they said they would. Why can't something just work out for once 😞

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I don't really think back to my childhood either.  It wasn't awful by any means, but looking back at even happy times, it just brings back all the things that were the source of all the difficulties I still deal with in my life. I then quickly get frustrated and depressed that it could have all been so easily avoided if i just had a little bit of help and support.

So i suppose that why i just invent happy memories to think about.  Wondering what a really happy situation would be like and how it would go while being in control of what happens.  It's probably mad, but i find it helps me.

That is so frustrating about the NDIS place not calling you back.  I could say to keep trying because it's your right, but i understand how hard it is to keep doing it.  And how the system can just grind any and all motivation out of you.  Unfortunately places like that are generally slammed, much like public hospitals, so those of us who don't make a fuss and keep fighting for what we need just get left at the back of the queue for the people who do.  And it feels pointless after a while. 

I wish i had something more positive to say to you, i really do.  But i think we both know very well the things we should do, but it's finding the fight and the energy to do it that is the struggle.  And its hard to get that from other people.  We can have other people to feel heard and feel valued though, and if we keep ourselves around that as much as we can, hopefully we can find a little bit of fight in ourselves.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 I'm really struggling to even know what to reply back, I'm sorry. 

Just feeling so overwhelmed today, I tried to ring the sane support line but when they picked up I panicked and hung up. I need to talk but I don't have it in me to get the words out 😞

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

That's okay, i know it's hard when we're feeling overwhelmed.  There's nothing wrong about feeling that way.  Would it help to write some thoughts down and try calling again so you could read them out?  Or just copy and paste them into the chat if that's what you use?

I'm here if you want someone to chat with.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017  I can't use the chat services, not after what happened the other day. 

Thanks ❤️

How's your day been so far? 

I had to go to the shops this morning and had a panic attack. My local store that I go to has been doing massive renovations, I had been ok mostly but today the registers had been changed and it was all just too much. As soon as I walked in a started to panic, thankfully one of the workers that knows me noticed and checked in with me, he gets overwhelmed with change aswell so he gets it. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Yeah, I don't know why they can't leave things alone. They seem to moves things around just for the hell of it these days.

It hasn't been a great day for me so far.  I don't even really know.  I accept a lot of things from people in my life, but at home is different.  I'm just tired of trying.  Anyway, it is what it is, and I'll deal with it.  Like we have a choice.

Sorry the chat service isn't an option.  Totally understandable after what happened, but it's just another option down.  Which sucks because it's not like there's heaps of them these days.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 yeah it's like if it ain't broken then don't try to fix it 😂. 

Oh that's not great to hear, you know I'm always here to chat if you want to ❤️. I totally get the being tired of trying, I know your not a big fan of physical contact but I'm sending you virtual hugs ❤️.

There's really not alot of options at least not when I keep getting let down.