Battles

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

There must be so many thoughts swirly around that it's hard to even focus on which ones to worry about first.  It's normal to want to give up, especially when dealing with them for so long.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure giving up is something you know how to do.  When you keep going for others, or yourself, you do find ways to keep going when so many of us would just throw up their arms.  I'm not even sure if this is a compliment to you, more a reflection of how much sh1t you've had to deal with for so long.  I think this is why if you were ever free of this enough to have more time and energy to helping more people, you would do an amazing amount of good.  For the sake of all those people, and yourself or course, I hope you get that chance eventually.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 I know how to give up and today I've done just that. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally done!. I quit, life's knocked me down too many times and I don't have it in me to get up and fight again. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Obviously it's been a lot theses past few weeks.  And on top of all the stuff that you've been dealing with for years, it's okay to just have some days when you just need to give up.  Do want you need to do to, you've at the very least earned that.  But when it comes time to get up and fight again, I'm confident you'll find a way.  In the meantime, is there anything we can do to help get your mind onto something more fun or relaxed?

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 how did your catch up with your sister go? 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Really good.  She had to leave for work so it would have been nice to have some more time.  I did say I would call her after my appointment with the Hong Kong specialist on Tuesday.  She also mentioned she is thinking of going to Canberra to visit our other sister in July and maybe I would like to go as well.  I said definitely, and then immediately remembered our chat about getting hopes up.  But hopefully it happens.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 oh that sucks that she had to leave for work, hopefully you can catch up again soon. Really hoping some good news comes out of that appointment on Tuesday, well I'm keeping everything crossed for you. That would be nice to go over and visit your other sister, I know the worry of getting your hopes up but I really hope that happens for you and you get to go and see her. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I really hope the trip to Canberra happens.  I'm not sure how many more chances I will get to see them.  I haven't even heard from them since they came over to Adelaide for Christmas in 2023.  But I just can allow myself to get too excited.  I've been her far too many times in the past.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 i really hope it happens for you. I get that you can't get too excited about it, that fear of being let down is far too strong. It's not fair that you may not get many more opportunities to see them, that part really breaks my heart. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

It's weird with biological familes when you find them.  They're your flash and blood, but still strangers.  People you never grew up with.  There's a connection that you feel in your heart should be there, but just isn't.  Some adoptees manage to find it after finding their family, but from I think it's pretty rare.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 i do understand the feeling a bit. Like I have family in England (great, great uncles and aunties) but I'll never get to meet them, I've talked to them through messenger but only a couple of times a year if that. My aunt that lives here i haven't seen for 13 years and I won't have contact with her cos of what sort of person she is, nor do I have contact with her 2 kids (my cousins). My poppa died when I was 3 and my mums mum and her other daughter were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver when my mum was 4 years old. Anyway I probably didn't need to go into that and don't know why I even did so I'm sorry about that. I'd say it's very rare to make that connection but I guess it all depends on the circumstances. 

Anyway I'm out of here. Take care of yourself and thanks for everything.