Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

soo glad you caught up with your son for Lunch after your morning @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar 

Reg. the house - I understand what you mean about hubby getting another job - but he won't.  

I do understand what you're saying about moving in regards to petrol and buying other people's problems.  I just feel this will be the only option.  If we sell and can't find anything we like we will rent for a little bit of time until we find something.  

This whole money, financial stress, selling/buying a house is so overwhelming.  i don't really want to think about it.

We want to stay in or around the same area we're in.  I don't really know, guess time will tell what we do.  

I think once our daughter moves out again, things will change.  And if our youngest son moves out too, that will change things too.

I hope your headache has eased up now.  It is really warm here today.

Chat later @Owlunar  would love to be with you.  xxx

[BlueBay]

I’m not cooking dinner tonight - just saying!!!!!

[Razzle]

Hi @BlueBay , I’ve been a bit quiet on the forums the last few days.  Life has been very overwhelming of late, a lot of stress, sadness, anxiety.  I’ve been feeling a bit trapped and not getting

much support at home.  The impending arrival of our grandchild and all the sudden rules surrounding it and the wedding coming up this weekend that will have me face to face with my SIL plus trouble in my marriage just all got

too much and it all led me down a silly

path.  

When it gets to the point where suicide seems the only option, well, it’s not the nicest place to be.  I was in that place last year, and found myself there again last week.  Now my husband is watching me like a hawk, which I hate.  

I had a session with my councilor (in his home town, so big drive, big day) on Monday, we talked about a lot of things that have been troubling me the most.  I travelled there alone, I don’t like being in the car with anyone after councilling, I need some space to think and debrief and I can’t do that with people looking

over my shoulder.  My husband had actually called him while I was driving there and gave him a heads up about what has been happeneing.  

So of course the attempt came up.  After a good long chat we realised that I don’t really want to die, I just don’t want to live - it’s a small difference, but either way it’s not a great place to be.  Both my husband and myself see my councillor together tomorrow, so it’s one foot in front of the other for now.  

I have been keeping up to date with your story, just haven’t had the energy to reply, and to be totally honest I don’t have any wise words of wisdom to share that can help you.  Except to say, I do hear you, I do care and I wish there was some way I could help you.  Life can be so f&@king hard sometimes and it’s just so unfair and cruel.  One foot in front of the other my friend, it’s all anyone can do sometimes. ❤️❤️

[Lauz]

Hi @Razzle - what you have expressed here must have been really difficult. We are really glad that you have reached out to the help and support you need while you have been struggling with suicidal thoughts. I know it can be tough to have someone watching you all the time whilst you are trying to come to terms with a few thoughts and differences in purposes but for the people that are here and also in your real life that care for you, it is good to know you are well supported and safe. It sounds like you have taken some really brave steps to try to work out the headspace you are navigating at the moment. 

Sometimes it is more than okay to just put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day, even hour by hour. Are you doing some nice things for yourself? Some special self care may be good right now. I know @BlueBay has some good self care tips like going on walks as well. And I am sure others here could share some too! 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Razzle I’m sorry that you’re going through a tough time at the moment. I am here for you. I feel your pain and sending you lots of love and hugs. ❤️❤️ 

As @Lauz  mentioned I have some self care items that I do or at least try. 

Walking out in nature or beach 

sit and listen to relaxing soft music

have a coffee outside in fresh air 

play with my dog 

I’m here fir you my friend. Pls stsy here you are so worthy and loved. ❤️❤️❤️

[BlueBay]

I think I need some self care tiday. 

I dont know 

I just want to be left alone 

[CheerBear]

Big hugs @BlueBay ❤ Have you had a go at putting your crochet squares together? That's one of my favourite self-care things to do.

[BlueBay]

Hi @CheerBear 

I’ve tried and joined three. I just need to do the rest. 

I’ve got another 8 squares to do. 

I made a mistake and it’s msking me nit do it at all. But I need to finish it because A is trying to grab it to put over her. 

I need to let you all know that I won’t use her full name snymire. I’ll just use A. It got picked up in the weekend moderator that I shouldn’t use it for privacy reasons. @Lauz Explained it to me via email. 

Just so you all know @Razzle @Shaz51 @Zoe7  @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Owlunar 

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay 

Try to put aside the mistake you made with your squares.  Definitely worth finishing it I reckon. Sounds like little A is very keen for you to get it finished and plainly likes it.  Yes I understand you not using As real name.  Given that it is such an unusual name (and such a pretty name) it could be a problem with privacy and identity issues.  Much the same as me, I could never use my real name, because it too is a very unusual name.  An instant giveaway for anyone who knew me in real life, and probably a way someone could look me up on the internet also even if hey did not know me.  These things happen.  So yes, I understand and agree that A is best.  

I hope you get a bit of alone time through the afternoon and evening, it sounds like you need it.  I am not on here that much the past few days, but I am reading, and wish you the best ... as always.

@Razzle I am so sad that you have been struggling so much lately. I tend to feel that way sometimes too.  And when I do I try to spend time out in the fresh air, whether it be a short walk or some gardening. I love sport too and will watch some type of sport on tele as a distraction.  If you are not into sport, substitute a good movie. Otherwise I will spend time with my dog.  Anything which enables me not to dwell so much on all the bad stuff.  Great to hear that you have professional support around you ... essential when our thoughts become so extreme. Thinking of you.

Hello also to @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope 

Sherry 🧡